There are no family finances other than 40,000 in her retirement and 35,000 of credit card debt. The house is really the only asset and we still owe about 110k on that.
It should estimate for at least 225k-250k. But who knows in todays market. At one time it was worth 375k. LOL

I was just paying the bills off with her help year after year hoping that we could pay off the credit debt one day and maybe use the house for a little help if the girls go to college.

I really have no retirement or stocks to speak of now.

No I have not spoken with the OmW today. I did speak with my wife before she left. I let her know that I wasn't happy with her going tonight if the Om was going to be there. SHe assured me that he would not be. (I dunno)

However, she told me that most everyone in her side of the family knew about the Om now. I don't know what to believe but she listed of the names of the members of the family that knew.

She stated that she everyone knew she was leaving me anyway.
I told her that we could still work on this marriage and make things right.

She doesn't want to try and stated that maybe it might have worked in the past, but today she doesn't want to work on the marriage and that she doesn't want it anymore.

I'm thinking maybe I'm a lost cause here.

I don't know what to do anymore. I hope the affair is busted up anyway. But I'm sure they will still be talking to each other at least on the phone tonight.

I'm still trying to be a better husband but all she wants is for me to make sure I'm here for the girls.

It's getting harder to fight for our marriage to work when she shuts every door available to recover. "Too little too late" is all I keep hearing about our marriage.

She is buying the girls gifts as well and winning them over from me. This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with in my life.

UD,

It will be the hardest thing you've ever done.... It has for me.

Don't listen to all the hate and threats today or tomorrow. She has been delivered a major blow to her fantasy world and is reeling. Stay positive, calm and let everyone know that you want to keep the family together. She will have to explain to her children why "mommy" has left daddy for another man. Remind me, how old are kids?

My daughters are 15 & 12 years old. They knew about "mommy" texting another man before I did. They went with the wife to check out apartments today. The youngest didn't like the fact that there were no dogs allowed.

My WW told me she wanted a separation almost a month ago now but did not tell me of the Om till last week. The kids are already tore up enough. They just want to heal now and "mommy" has explained to them today that even if there was not this 'sleazy back door jerk off' in the picture, she would still be wanting to leave me because she wasn't happy.

I'm actually getting a little tired of the WW acting as though all this is my fault and it was going to happen no matter what.

The WW actually got a little bit of a shock today when she realized how much apartments are going for today. The kids were not really happy about having to share a room when they are with her. I'm going to have to really get serious about looking for more work. I need to be able to replace her income and kick her out.

She seems to think she can refi our house and buy me out. I'm thinking I would be ok with that at this point but it isn't realistic. The house needs repairs and upgrades I was working on even today, but it's really hard to fix up the place when I feel like I won't be living here anymore.

I'm quite the pack-rat as well. :-)

I would love for this Om to see what kind of house keeping my WW does these days. It sucks that they get all the others attention and thoughts and we BS get all the real life and daily grind.

Thanks for your reply.

UD,

Some of the Vets will tell you this, so let me see if I get it right. She wanted to leave before to keep her fantasy alive, she thought she could move out and have the best of both worlds. She won't have that now. A couple of days without her girls, and paying for all her needs. OM won't keep doing that for long. Keep applying the pressure on family and friends to have her stop the PA. You daughters should be old enough to know that mom wasn't just texting. She spent time and money away from family to have sex with this man. Ask your girls if that sounds right to them. Mommy is going to break up the family, hurt their future. Her gifts are bribes, they know what they are worth to her..... Would she choose them or OM? She has already made that choice once.

This next week will be tough. Be ready, take care of yourself, and your girls.

Ok, have you exposed to all these people on her side? Have you PERSONALLY exposed to them all and told them she is having an affair with a married man? I don't care what your wife told you about this, what matters is that YOU expose the affair to her family and ask for their support.

THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE TODAY.

Please don't lose your focus, UD. Stick with your plan and STOP getting distracted until you are finished.

Did you expose the affair to your daughters? Have you called the OMW to tell her that your wife plans on leaving for her husband? And compared notes?

STICK TO THE PLAN AND FINISH YOUR EXPOSURES!

Go and sit the girls down TONIGHT and tell them all about their mothers affair. Explain that she wants to leave the marriage so she can carry on her affair with this married man. Tell them you will do everything in your power to save their family.

UD...

Listen to Melody. She is spot on.

I love you Melody. In a motherly kind of way!

Girls are both gone now. Mommy told the eldest she could go to a party with her boyfriend but had to be home by eleven and youngest is sleeping over at her friends. Mommy said it was OK while she is out to party.

Both my girls know that 'Mommy' is having an affair now. We went through all the I hate you mommy and this is wrong what you are doing last Saturday. Needless to say it has been a rough week and everyone is wore out.

They know what she is doing is wrong, but they are just as powerless to stop her as I am. WW picked Om over them but is buying them off with gifts and saying yes to everything they ask for.

They have not met the Om yet or felt the impact of the reality of what mommy is doing, but they Know it hurts.


They have also been raised knowing that mommy is... how you say... SICK! Mommy has been on SSRI's since they day they were born practically.

Could someone find my nads for me/

My girls have facebook themselves and were in the car with Mommy while she was talking on the phone about my exposure. Eldest daughter told me that she agreed with telling Om wife, but not all the friends and family. I told her the reason for exposure but working from behind again. I'm sure my daughter overheard the same crap about how what I did was wrong over and over again in the car.

I still need to get in touch with my wifes sister, who holds the most influence with my WW. But she won't answer the phone for me.

I'm thinking my WW has already talked with her about my exposure.
And almost positive she knows about the affair.

Will keep trying though.

So you going to the club to see when the OM shows up? Or if you wife is there at all?

What about the letter you posted here? Why not send it out en masse and get this over with? Do you see why it is so important to get this done in one day?

Also, did you call the OM's wife to compare notes about tonight? The OM's wife needs to know your wife is talking about leaving to be with her husband.

EXPOSE to all these people:

Nope it sure doesn't, and it's a lame excuse too.

Exposure day is hard, I know. Just dont let the venom that is spewed your way get to you, it is hard, I know. Keep trucking along for your girls, yourself and your marriage.

Guys, I think I'm regretting going full exposure. Some of her family members are shocked but not surprized and others refuse to talk to me. It seems many people agree that my exposure was wrong to do to the Om and people are feeling sorry for HIM!

WW's close GF, who is part of my problem due to her constantly comparing me to GF's ex husband and the way her relationship crumbled, stated that whatever sympathy she had for me was GONE now after what I DID! And has been talking with my WW about what a jerk I am. Good Grief!

I'm thinking I should have stuck with Plan A a lot longer to have had time to show how much better the marriage and our home-life could be before I did the exposure. I feel like I was getting a better response. I dunno.

Even some of the people (friends and family) that are on my side don't think it was such a good idea to expose to the Om's family and friends.

WW is absolute on getting an apartment now and there will not be any chance to get closer to her now in my mind. She states that I will always be about trying to work on the marriage and she doesn't want to talk about that.

I know this is just the internet and I made the decision to do what I did on the exposure. I'm just really feeling sick about all this and feeling a little remorse.

I feel like I have lost the moral high ground now. Also, I'm a little surprized at her family but, the WW makes a good case about how awful I was/am. I'm imperfect as everyone else.

Reading Dr. Harley's advice again from the front page, I'm thinking I made a selfish demand and jumped the gun on the exposure while not implemating plan A enough.

No, you did a great job. If your message had said 'WW is getting a jug of milk at the store', would that have upset them? So it is not you telling the truth that is the problem, but the behavior that you spoke about.

This initial lash out always happens, but dies down quickly, and then the effects will turn on WW. There are 2 reactions to exposure; the people who do something or will say 'I wish I had the guts', the honest and moral people. And then there are the people who are horrified, they are the ones who have something to hide and would have hated that to happen to them.

The more anger from WW, the sooner their affair is killed. Nobody is going to like seeing them together, all of a sudden the fantasy is burst.

And exposing to the OM's family will help you greatly in the end. WH rarely leave their wives, and he is now going to be too busy saving his family and has no time for WW, a big LB. You just keep your calm and be loving. Tell her over and over again you did this to save your marriage, that you actually love her enough to fight for her.

We have seen this type of anger thousands of times on here. The key is reality.

Sure - your WW's toxic friend can spew all kinds of vitriol about you, about the situation, but the bottom line is it WILL NOT make your WW happy.

The key to remember in all of this is the selfishness and selfcenteredness involved. It will destroy all relationships. Your WW is selfish, your WW's toxic friend is selfish, and your WW's family is selfish.

Anyone who doesn't stand up to a marriage isn't anyone you want in your life. Sure they can demonize you, but in the long run they are destroying her.

Don't listen to their words, only view the actions.

Tough

Your regret and sadness are normal thoughts. You love your wife. But, I'd guess you'd feel the same hint of regret if you'd exposed your WW as a crack addict and sought help in a loving way from anyone who has influence to stop her addiction, right? That includes the "dealer" and his family. And, how long would that regret last? See?

The "shock and awe" will subside (it really will), and what you'll find are people that will support you and your WW's marriage, and some that will not.

Try not to worry about that "what people think of YOU" aspect of exposure.


Accept the help of those who offer to influence WW to end the A, period. And, for those that feel sorry for OM? Well...I don't want to get censored by the mods.

Stand tall and proud.