Well, I've been married for 8 years and been with her for 10. We are now seperated since June and we have 2 kids 4 and 7yo. Wife moved out cause she said she didn't love me and didn't want to have to settle. She is seeing a guy that she works with. I know she and him were having an EA since May of this year. I was able to get a hold of her phone records and seen the same number hundreds of times any time of day or night in either text messages or phone calls. She claims that she didn't leave me for him, but before she moved out and I confronted her about the OM she left with my daughter to go to his house for the night.
We had trust issues in the past and I found out that she had a one night stand with a young friend of mine. She would often go out with her girlfriend and stay out to all hours of the night while I stayed home with the kids. I would always hit her with all 3 of the major love busters that night or the next day. I was very rude and upset. We would have very bad fights because we were both very angry with each other. Things did get out of control. Our marriage has been a roller coaster ride to say the least.
A year ago she left the house and stayed at her grandmothers house for 2 months. I was shattered. She explained that I was very jealious and that I had a very bad temper. She felt unconfertable in our house cause she felt I was watching and questioning her every move. She aske me to go get help. So I did get help and got counceling. I discovered things about myself that I was not proud of. I worked on my problems and anger. She came back and for 8 months I showed her that I was a changed person. I did not get angry and didn't question her about what she was doing. We got along fine and had very enjoyable weekends with the kids every chance we could. She wasn't as affectionet as I would have liked her to be but every month it felt like we were getting closer. But then she blind sided me and moved out. She has been gone now for 4 months. I've read His needs her needs, Love busters, and Surviving an affair. I've should have read them a long time ago. I belive that we could work this out. I've asked her to give it another chance. But all she has to say is that she is not ready yet. She sees the OM every chance she getts. I know that her affair will die a natural death. But I'm not seeing that any time soon. The kids are acting like they don't mind the change and they spend weekends with her and the OM as a family. I don't want to give up. But I can't help but think she is never coming back.

What about the kids?
How often are they in your care?

DAve, it sounds like you are much better off without her. What about this marriage is there to save? Does she have remorse? Does she plan to change her life so she never cheats again? I am not sure what you see worth saving here?

Do you have legal custody of your children? And have you exposed her affairs to everyone?

Welcome to marriage builders. Sorry you are here.

How old are the children?

Is OM married? Have you exposed the affair?

Click on the link in my siggy for newly betrayed. Read through it.

We are not yet divorced. I have the kids every other day. My daughter is 4 and my son is 7. I have exposed the affair to a few of her friends and her family. Her family dose not want to get involved and they are no help. She has an aunt that is 10 years older than her that has divorced her husband over the same issues. Her aunt and her are close. It just seemed that after her aunt cheated and left her husband my wife followed the same play book. Same thing with the girl friend she use to go out with. She divorced just a few months ago claiming the same thing, Husband was controling and they couldn't get along. What is it about women that when they get together and talk about their problems they all seem to have the same issues and dicide that divorce is the majic answer. What ever happened to resolving the issues and working things out. For better or for worse...
In my mind there is plenty to save. Kids are better off with both of us rasing them together. And I still love her very much. I forgive her for her affairs. I know that I was not perfect in the way I delt with things, neither was she. I know she still loves me and is just addicted to this other guy right now. The other guy is not married but has been divorced twice and has a few kids of his own. He just happend to be there to give her all the emotional needs that I was not providing at the time, nor did she let me provide them for her. She is the type of person that dosen't like to talk about her emotions. I always had to read between the lines/lies.

Dave, as it is now there is nothing to save. Your feelings of love are not enough to sustain a marriage. And there is nothing TO forgive. Your "forgiveness" is inappropriate and harmful to your marriage.

The only thing here for you is a life of abuse along with a death of a thousand cuts. That is horrible that your kids are being carted from place to place every other day to accommodate a cheating wife. I would put an end to that. How would you like to have to leave your own home and your own bed every other night to accommodate your sleazy adulterous mother? That is horrible to subject your kids to that. The damage that is being done to your kids to accommodate her sick, reckless behavior will stay with them for life.

It is really important that you start protecting yourself and your children from your abusive wife. File for divorce on grounds of adultery and abandonment, get primary custody of your kids and stop carting them around like they are cheap prizes. They are people, not some consolation prize for an uncaring, selfish adulterer.

Your wife cheats because she is reckless serial cheater, not because of unmet needs.

By allowing your children to be exposed to her filthy affair, they are being taught that wrong is right. Your participation only validates the immoral message being taught by your wife. She is teaching that wrong is right and to grow up and be little liars and cheaters like her.

Do you know how morally confusing that is to kids? That is like teaching them to steal or murder. Kids have natural instincts about right and wrong and when adults teach them that wrong is right, they learn to DOUBT their instincts. They conclude they are stupid, and since their instincts are wrong [according ot the immoral adults in their lives] they grow up morally confused.

I'm a bit confused though I hear what you are saying and some what agree. I've read here and in the book "surving an affair" how marriages can and do get put back together after an affair. But your telling me to forget it, don't waist my time?
The state of Nevada is a no fault state. One dosen't need a reason for divorce.

Marriages are not saved ALONE, though. Your wife is a serial cheater. In order for your marriage to survive, she would have to make a dramatic 180 degree change in her life. It would have to be radical.

Is she willing to do that? If not, then you do not have a marriage. Will she agree to:

1. end her affair for life

2. affair proof your marriage by becoming completely transparent, no opposite sex friendships, no social networking, accounting for all her time

3. creating a completely integrated lifestyle

In your case, since this is her 2-3rd affair, I would file for divorce so you have legal protection and get primary custody of your kids. Many no fault states take adultery into account when it comes to custody. Additionally, I would give her a Plan B letter outlining what it will take to stay in a marriage with you. Cut off ALL contact with her until she complies with your conditions. She would have to do all of the above in addition to committing to the MB program of recovery.

You win either way if you do that. If she doesn't commit, you have a divorce and are free from her reckless abuse. If she does meet your conditions, you have a marriage. Either way, you win. And either way, you are legally protected.

But I would let her know in no uncertain terms that you do not forgive her. She should not be forgiven until she a) REPENTS and b) earns your forgivenss. Check this out: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5042_qa.html