I truly hope not. After 4 years divorced I'm back. Back into the dating scene. I can honestly say that my life has been wonderful and full of joy. Within the last 4 years I've dated off and on not wanting anything serious. I went back to school, got my BA and started my own business (not a lot of time to date). In between I've had a whole lot of flack from myWS, but that's mostly because I pay him very little attention at all and have no interest in getting back with him.

But a year or so ago I ran across an old friend whom I met in middle school. We got the chance to meet for lunch and updated one another on what had been going on in our lives. He's married and I'm divorced. We reminisced about how we use to compete at everything growing up. Back then we lived in the same neighborhood so we spent a lot of time together playing basketball (I was a tom boy). Unfortunately after that time we moved in different directions and lost contact. However, we did run into each other once 15 years ago back home at which time he revealed his hidden feelings for me but I had just moved back home to get married. So of course I wasn't interested.

So to make a long story short, here we are all these years later. Somehow once again were living in the same neighborhood, hundreds of miles away from home. Scary, right? And the friendship has been wonderful. The problem is, he's grown on me in the past few months and I'm starting to look at him in a different light. I keep going back over it in my head and in the past year I've spent very little to no time around him because of his situation and he has respected that. Matter of a fact it was easier for me because I never felt for him the way he felt for me. But now?

Initially he had agreed with me that seeing one another for lunch was a bit to much and so we refrained because we didn't want to find ourselves in an affair. We felt like it would be safe to end this all before anything happened. But after about a month he called and informed that after thinking it over he's sure he wants to be with me.He feels he should leave the marriage first before we seek any opportunities that concern us so he's making plans to do that. When I learned of this I told him not to leave for me - but he said the marriage was already doomed because they never healed from an affair she had some years ago. So supposedly he's going through with it.

My question is do I really want to get involved in a relationship? something like this? I enjoy being single and having friends, dating when i want to. And am I wrong for my feelings for him? He's a really nice guy and I like the fact that he's successful and smart and intelligent, as he has always been since middle school. There's not a lot of guys that I would commit to. He is one of the few and it's probably because of our history too. But I really do like him.

What do I do with this?

Run the other way. But first, confess to his wife you have been in an emotional affair with him. Has it gone physical yet?

Confess and go no contact with him immediately.
If after the divorce (which will take many months likely),you guys still want to get together that's a different story...but absolutely no contact until that time

Remember how it felt when your husband cheated on you...don't do that to someone else

Do you really have to ask this? You say you've been on MB since 2004. Have you not learned anything from this site in seven years?

I think you know the answer to this question. I think you're just wanting others to confirm what you already know.

Consider this my confirmation.

There is no question YOU ARE THE OTHER WOMAN.

I would confess to BW and then I would tell them about DrH and Surviving An Affair. This way, they can get real help to decide to either recover or end their marriage.

What should you take from this? You should take with you the fact that you need boundaries when it comes to men who are in a relationship with someone. You are a danger to other people's marriages because you didn't keep your boundaries up.

You now that the things that your MM have been telling you are more lies than not right? How does his WIFE feel about your "relationship" with her HUSBAND?

I am sorry I am being a bit tough on you right now, but you were a betrayed spouse. You know how much pain adultery causes and you would knowingly inflict that ind of damage on someone else? You must have been pretty fogged out to convince yourself that this was okay. Think about that. Work on YOURSELF. Get de-fogged, and QUICK.

He's a MARRIED MAN! You seriously need to come on an internet forum to learn right from wrong....at your advanced age?

For crying out loud, Madam, use some sense!

Yes, you are the OW. Now that you've been validated as such, WTH are you thinking?

What was your previous user name on MB and why set up a whole new identity?

You know what you SHOULD do, the question is what you WILL do to fix this mess.

Is the BW here on MB?

I'm sorry Scotty. I'm pretty sure I have boundaries. It's no question of that. I have never crossed any lines with this man nor any man. I give much pride to the fact that I have been celibate since the day my WH skipped out 4 years ago and I make it very clear to all men that it will not be nothing going on until after I'm married again, if that should be.

Just thought I should make myself clear on that.

My previous name was Kendra, as I have nothing to hide. I just couldn't restore my password to get back in.

A woman who goes out with a married man and has an affair with him does not have appropriate boundaries. She is an other woman, a homewrecker. And this man's WIFE and children have a right to know that you are colluding with this man to break up his marriage and his children's family. The reason is so that his children and his family can BAR you from entering their lives. They should be warned of your little plan.

To make a long story short, you are having an emotional affair with another woman's husband. You are the OW. And he won't leave his wife for you. He is only telling you he will in the hopes that you will put out for free. He is seeking nooky only, and I guarantee that you are not the only nooky prospect in his life.

But trust me, if his wife knew about you, he would drop you like a piece of used toilet paper.

Don't believe me? Call her up and tell her about your affair. You will be dumped so fast your head will spin.

Your really tripping Melody. I don't know what your story is but apparently it has something to do with not paying attention because if you read that post you quoted from you would clearly see that I have not slept with this married man. And I'm not planning to. All lunch dates are off and has been since we have recognized that there might be feelings. And I'm not the reason for his marriage ending. If you know the story this comes after 28 years of being strictly friends/ NEVER any CONTACT WHAT SO EVER, ZILCH, NONE. But I'm the home wrecker? You have got to be kidding me. I have feelings for him but it came as a surprise to me just in the last few months. I didn't just set out to get this man. Further more I haven't set out to get anyone. I'm a very attractive woman with many offers and if I just wanted someone I could have had that a long time ago. I would appreciate it if your gonna read my post read it right, then respond.

I did read your post, and you are having an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR with a married man. He is telling you he is "planning on leaving" his wife for you.

Why don't you just see how sincere he really is and call his wife TODAY and tell her everything? Give her copies of all your emails and tell her about your communications.

See how fast you get DUMPED. Don't take my word for it, just call her and see.

A woman as old as you should know better than this. I expect this kind of stupidity from a 25 year old, but a 40 year old? MY.LORD.

Thanks for clearing that up. Can you link to your previous thread? It just helps to know how to help you.

Will you answer my other question? Is the BS here on MB?

You have inappropriate feelings for a MARRIED MAN. Do you understand that MARRIED = UNAVAILABLE?


Apparently not attractive enough to find her own man. You are going after someone ELSE'S husband. Don't choose to be a cockroach scampering after the crumbs from some woman's table of life. That is all you are doing.

FYI She does know. She has already contacted me, has my number. And I assured her nothing happened between us and it's true. We had a nice conversation as a matter of a fact and she just says that she noticed a change in him and had never had any problems with him like this and just wanted to know what was going on. She told me she thinks he has something for me and she was moving on.

Kendra, I promise you this: he would dump you like a hot potato if his wife knew about you. But don't take my word for it. Call her up today and see how fast you get dumped.

Wow, I think ML touched a nerve. I don't think most people set out to become the OW, but there are some that do. That's not even the point here, you ARE the OW.

If you're not doing anything wrong, why NOT call this BS and tell her what HER husband is doing? She deserves the truth about her marriage. Be a REAL friend to your "friend". Be a standup woman.

Is the BS here on MB?

In other words, you lied to her. Something has been going on so you LIED. How about sending her all your emails and telling her the truth? Tell her he has told you he is leaving her FOR YOU.

Show his wife THIS and show her all of your emails. The truth is that he is talking about leaving HER for you. He won't do that, of course, but she has a right to know that this is very much an EMOTIONAL AFFAIR.

Call her up and tell her the TRUTH. If there is nothing wrong with what you are doing, then why lie about this?