I have read all of your forum and basic concepts,But i m still confused.Need ur help.It has been only 5 months of my marriage n because of lot many differences in between us and family. We are getting divorced.I was mentally n emotionally abused by my mother in law n sister in law with my Husband.I have not yet filed divorce, but planing too.I am at my mothers place just after three months of my marriage.I m suffering from depression.Need your help.
It was a love marriage after 7 years of affair,but we were not in contact for three years because we broke up 3 years before.Last year he came back n begged me to come back and said sorry lot many times and even cut his wrist 2 3 times in a same day for me to forgive him and marry him.he came back because he knows that i loved him n i can tolerate everything what so ever he will do.But Now i was different and mature enough.Now the things was different.but as i loved him before and had lot sympathy i forgave him.

He was a guy having lot many affairs with different girls n a married lady having two childers of around my age.He is still in contact with her I believe.He was a person who was just spending his father's money,having very bad friend Circle,Sex relation with girls never Did any job and a narrow minded person also.He manipulated me just to use me but i loved him truly.Because of which he came back.He wanted to improve him self for me only and spend his rest of life with me.His Father was a very good person and loves me a lot as his daughter wanted me to marry his son because he expected I will make every thing good but I failed.His Father died in between.My marriage with him(my husband) was his Last wish.He(MY husband) was not a right guy I know but i still loved him, so i forgave.

My parent hates him a lot as he spoiled my life. But Some how we got married...My marriage was an accident as my parents made me married just because I wanted to go to celebrate his birthday n my parents did't wanted that.We had fight(my parents n me) n my parents made me marry with the same guy with in an hour force fully after asking him will he marry me right now within n hour otherwise they will never let him marry me.He got ready n married me.(As I am an Indian,Family plays a very important role in these decisions).

We got married(on 2nd june 2011).Because of above incident both my parents and my husband's parents do not like each other.They hate each other so much that my in-laws never wanted to let me talk to my parents and my parents never wanted to talk to them.
Sorry to stretch all this,as it was the most important thing happened to my life.It was the starting.

Just after 1st day of my marriage,things started going wrong.He never gave me any attention even from the first day of my marriage.But yes he tried to become a good person in rest of the things ,means he joined a job on his father's place On July 18th n tried to be nice.But never expressed love.There was no love,romance even no conversation in between us.That time we were also suffering from financial crisis.I helped him in what so manner i can.I tried to talk to him about all this but he always ignored.I asked him please talk to me even about problems.He never did that.I loved him and never wanted to break our relation ship.So never even expected him to help me in households.But He started treating like i m not there.I had no contacts with my parents and had one to talk with.I felt emotionally abused and felt like crying most of the time,But he never took attention. Instead he used to create scenes for food n all.I started trying to talk to him about all this prob.But he never consider.Because slowly my sadness started converting in anger and i started complaining n fighting.I was dealing with many issues together alone - my parents absence,change of home,atmosphere, loneliness,my health probs and our communication gaps too.He never consider on anything.I went trough depression and started pulling out my frustration.I started feeling mentally sick.
I just wanted love from him.I asked him so many times but no use,he never under stud....I agree he tolerated lot many thing,My bad behavior(in anger).He use to talk about everything with her sister even about us.She also became a big prob.With all this i was tolerating my sister in-law (married but always there on phone).Making my hubby think adversely in all matters.SHE was like a wall in between us.Mother in-law was ok.I never complained but still she had lot many problems with me I don't know why.They always tortured me mentally.it was very difficult to survive.


They also have there own home in a different city.I came here(in that city) with my mother n sister in law for two days only just for a change,but all of us stayed in my sister inlaw's home which there in the same city. unfortunately i got a job offer from my previous company.I was not working that time and i asked them for the same to support my husband financially.After getting permission from my huby n mother in law,i joined the job.There the problem aroused.His sister didn't wanted that and told me to stay at hostel.I had fight with my sister in-law at her place for interfering in my life and i left her home and came back my husbands home alone.THAT was my mistake.
they all blamed me a lot and started to torch er me so much that i failed to handle.I was alone having no money in my hand and nothing.my husband was also blaming me a lot and tried to make me feel guilty and emotionally harassed me,and tried to broke my confidence.(he always wanted to make me happy but he never did any thing).they asked me to write a note that what so ever happens to me they will not be responsible.And my mother and sister in-law reported a false application against me in police station.
AT that moment I withdraw.I decided to take divorce as there was no hope.I was there for 1 month(2 augst -3rd sept) alone in there house in different city.My Husband never gave any attention to me.
My parents got to know about all this some how.They came and took me back them.Now my parents want to report an fir for torchering me and also filing dowry case with divorce case as well.

Now I am here at my parents place since 4th september. I am under treatment.Police is continuously Bothering me.My husband never contacted me after 4th september.we all decided to take mutual divorce and asked them they all r also ready.but the problem is police is still bothering me because of them.everyone is frustrated in my family and planning to file case against them.
But now they started contacting my mother to compromise trough different people.My parents went to there place to settle down problems but they didn't even talk properly and blamed me.Now they want to compromise n came to our place to talk about but he (my hubby) is still in confusion as he don't do any thing him self his sister do so.Now he is blaming my mother that she wanted that.The worst thing is that i m still thinking of him.I m still not able to forget everything.Not able to handle all this.I cant even think properly about my future.I m feeling very alone and helpless,frustrated, depressed and guilty.ALSO Afraid Of Memories.

I know its too soon to think of divorce but what should i do.We cant go to counsler as family is involved now.Please help not able to take decision.please help ASAP

Then he is not marriage material. You made a mistake marrying him. Don't make it worse by staying in that marriage.

I know its too soon to think of divorce but what should i do.We cant go to counsler as family is involved now.Please help not able to take decision.please help

It is not too soon to divorce him.
He was never good to you, so there is no chance with his history that the two of your will have even a normal marriage.
Please do not go back to him. If this is what happened in only 3 months, think about what would happin in 3 years.
You can only thank God, that you did not get pregnant by him.

You are sad, because you miss the man he could have been, but he never was. Deep in your heart you know the reality. Do not hear his words, look at his deeds. He never did anything for you, but try to destroy you.

You will go on with your life and find happiness, but not with him.

God bless you,
Happyheart

Cindraila, you've already posted this on another thread. I'm afraid that the advice isn't going to change if you change forums and ask the same question.

yes u r right advice is never going to change...I need to accept it..Otherwise everything will become worst.thanks maritalbliss

You are sad, because you miss the man he could have been, but he never was. Deep in your heart you know the reality. Do not hear his words, look at his deeds. He never did anything for you, but try to destroy you.

You will go on with your life and find happiness, but not with him.

Thank you so much happyheart,I got the right answer perhaps I was searching for.....
I miss him,I m sad.But u r right,true"I miss the man he could have been But he never was"Deep in my heart I really know the reality.He never did any thing for me and even destroyed my life.He had just said all those thing to manipulate me ,never did any thing.he was just not my type .He always wanted me to do everything for him....even after knowing that its hurting me.He is a wrong GUY for me..you r right.I wana File divorce now....
I m relaxed now thank you so much..

I wish you all the best for the future,

God bless,

Happyheart

Yes very true,thankyou for considering me...
Thankyou so much my friends...You all are so help full and after connecting with marriage builder,I feel i m having lot many true friends to help me out in right way.....
Now I don't feel that much alone as i was feeling before...


One more thing! According to law, I cant file divorce before an year of my marriage in my country.I have to wait till that time and this period is the worst time of my life.
How much Time it takes to get divorced?....Should i file an anti dowry case against him as my family also wants to do so..Because My in-laws was also harassing me for the same.

You must have had a good dowry! It sounds like maybe they are using you for your dowry. I am not sure what country you are in, but in many countries a dowry is property of the wife, even if a marriage is dissolved. I would hire a lawyer just to make sure and have it protected.

CV

hellow freinds...
You all helped me a lot.But I still need ur support.I cant help it thinking about my husband.I know he is back,he is the wrong person but i m not able able to forget him.
When ever things come to my mined.I think all this is just because of my SIL and MIL..I make my self busy but helpless,memories r not leaving me alone.Voice comes from inside..How can you break your marriage like this because of ur in laws.you should try to improve him self But with all that it also comes in my mind that he is not my type..he never gave any attention.He was never there when i needed him.He's the wrong guy...I m so much worried.Need ur help.
I got the notice from court,that i need to report to CO office,that to answer him,about the application my mother in law and sister in law filed against me.I went to CO office(police station) and told him what happend and don,t wana go back because i dont feel safe.CO were saying,why don't i file case against him.He wrote the report as anti dowry.I was so angry and still angry for that moment.
But I m not able to come out of this.I feel,my SIL n MIL are doing politics with him also.They are responsible for all this.they broke our relation ship.At the same time i think which kind of husband he is,not taking care of me,not caring about his responsibilities toward his wife.He says whatever he listens from SIL N MIL.He spoiled his own life also.
I m not able to think properly.please help me..this lonliness is killing me..

Get out and help other people.
Volunteer in a senior center.
Volunteer at a local food bank.
Sign up as a volunteer at a hospital.
Read to children at the library.
Stay busy helping others.

Follow Pep's list, Cindraila, and it will help. You don't turn emotions on and off like a faucet. It will take time for you to work through everything. In the meantime, get outside of yourself and help other people. That will help YOU.