Our scheduled couple time was crowded out by both her job and her family yesterday. Shades of our pre-affair marriage. It hurts me so much when she does this.

I call these D8n days... The name of OM2... trigger days for me that signal I am not spending enough time with grace. Did you spend the time with her at her family's?

CV

Yes, I was with her. She was at work an hour later than she planned, then we stayed later at her mother's than we had planned. Got home late with an early rise time, so it was right to bed for everyone. This followed a week in which we really had no quality time at all because of things going on at her job. (Spending time with her family does not count as UA time for me.)

As others have pointed out on this board: when UA time is not met, it takes its toll rather quickly.

You need to stop sulking. Things happen.

Start of a new week time to get UA time back on track.

Not everyone gets to work 9-5 M-F. Sometimes family needs some FA time.

You see, here's the problem with the belligerent drive-by posters on this site:

TheRoad,

You don't have a clue how much of a problem this has been in our marriage in the past. You don't have a clue how much and how long we've fought this exact issue. You don't really know how these EXACT activities might've played a role in my being involved in a web site dealing with infidelity.

In essence, you don't know anything other than the rote regurgitation of The Good Doctor's concepts and ideas.

You, as an established belligerent, get a kick out of being an on-line bully, where you never have to face the consequences for treating others with such contempt.

As with the rest of your kind, I cordially invite you to keep your opinions to yourself. I don't want or need, nor would I even consider following, the advice of someone who resides so comfortably in the shallow end of the gene pool.

OWH,

can you POJA family time? We cut ours waaaaay back because it interfered and we don't go unless we are both enthusiastic about it.

It's hard on my parents some times (they are getting older and spend a lot of time alone), and we don't see her parents at all anymore (that helps), but we had to make the choice.

That's what we discussed last night. Things have really gone out-of-hand in the last few weeks and we've found ourselves being pulled in every direction except together.

What we discussed is setting more stringent rules on our scheduled UA time; we have to stop letting her job, her family, and every other little thing that pops up, trump our family time.

We've laid out a loose schedule in the past, but we keep letting outside influences take precedence. The main gist of the conversation last night was: keep the schedule. Do not let anything disrupt it.

Of course, there are exceptions: we recently had an issue with her family that took up all of our spare time for a full month. Things like that can't be helped. What's been happening lately is not in that category and falls more into the category of backsliding into old, bad habits.

I agree OWH, and think these are the times where you figure out little ways to make sure you're connected. Calls, emails, hugs with an extra squeeze, hand-holding, flowers, sharing a piece of candy. Any small act that can be made more meaningful with just a few loving words.

Then, when you do have more time, clear the decks and get EXTRA UA time to make up for losses.

Cheers,
SP

Oh yes, SP. At some point over the past months, I started sending my wife a text every morning. Sometimes it just says, "Luv u," sometimes serious, sometimes humorous(this morning I sent her an R-rated text based on something that happened to her at work yesterday; it was hilarious).

It's funny, we've both come to rely on that little electronic communication to start our day. As you wrote: it definitely helps to keep us connected.

Most of the time, I'm the initiator, but sometimes, she beats me to it. I Love it!

It's been quite a while since I posted anything to my thread, but -- holy cow -- don't really have anyplace else to go.

After realizing that I couldn't get past the "holes" in my wife's story, we finally decided to follow through with a polygraph almost 18 months after D-day.

I didn't get a "come-to-Jesus" confessional on the eve of the test. My wife seemed to be very intent on getting it done and out of the way. I actually had a lot of hope in the results based on how confident she seemed going into the test. She continually made comments about "getting this episode behind us, " and "moving on with our new future."

She bombed it. Blew it completely! Don't know which web sites she accessed looking for methods of beating the polygraph, but it was obviously the wrong ones!

We didn't even get out of the parking lot before she started falling asleep in the car. Her speech was slurred, she couldn't concentrate or keep her eyes open for more than 30 seconds at a time. She was obviously on something.

Finally got the truth about six hours later: she took muscle relaxers thinking she could beat the test!

Wow! Someone I thought was so smart turned out to be such a [censored] . . .

Again, I'm an [censored], so I don't expect much sympathy from the board, but I want to help where I can: do not underestimate a wayward's propensity to deceive! Trust your instincts above all else.

I'm all about conflict, so this is right in my wheelhouse; this is gonna be fun for me. For her? Not so much . . .

I am sure sorry to hear it, OWH. Did she tell you the truth about what she is hiding?

Nope. She's still drugged our of her mind at the moment. Can't even look at me without her eyes rolling. She's passed out on the sofa at the moment.

Have to admit: I have the ability to detach and see the sad humor in this situation. in a way, it's pretty hilarious that she thinks I'm so stupid.

As always, I appreciate having you folks as an outlet. You do some good work here!

I'm so sorry, OWH.

I remember you Warhorse. So back to square 1?
Follow Dr H and I'm afraid we are at a loss when we fall in love, key word fall

We want to believe the best, like in some way if we do we are being strong for them too

Study's show that we are able to deduce the truth from strangers 50% of the time, and from loved ones 25%

Wishful thinking?

Now bite the Bullet this is gonna hurt for awhile, and at first we might have to hold you down

Your human, it hurts, and you need a special kind of Physician to help heal the wounds.

Try Dr H he has been dealing with this a long time. Let you get back on track, if your wife wants to follow, good

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{OWH}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} hugs to you, my friend! Hopefully she will confess and you can get this back on the road.

Has she had other affairs in your marriage?

For the record, her are the three issues I asked to be addressed in the polygraph:

1) Did you ever have any sexual contact with POSOM? (This is the area that showed the most deception. She's always claimed she never had any sexual contact with POSOM. The polygraph shows differently.)

2) Were any of your co-workers aware of your relationship with POSOM and deliberately hid the information from OWH? (Again, the results showed deception.)

3) Did you have any contact with POSOM after OWH discovered you spent the night at his house? (This area showed no deception. She apparently did not contact him after the last known contact.)

Basically, the polygraph confirms she's a liar, just as I suspected. The deeper I go into this rabbit hole, the more I'm learning to trust my instincts.

OWH, I would hit her hard when she wakes up and demand the truth. The time to strike is now when she feels the most guilty. Tell her you can forgive an affair but you can't forgive lies. Tell her this is her chance to come clean so you can move forward.

Holy cow! You guys are on point! Markos, ML, and CP!

I was just coming here to vent a little after confirming what I already suspected. Only in my greatest days in service of my country have I seen such dedicated sentinels! Y'all are awesome!

No, ML, I have no reason to believe she ever had any previous indiscretions.

I'm cool, really. I expected her to fail the polygraph. What didn't expect was her taking drugs to try to fool the machine.

I think what I'm struggling with right now is the realization of what a flawed individual I married compared to the idealized version I had just two years ago.

She just can't seem to understand that the details of what she did pales in comparison to her propensity to lie about it . . .

We're definitely on the same page; however, she'll never admit to anything I can't prove. So, it seems I have more work to do . . . oh boy!

Are you sure? I wouldn't rule it out.

Have you tried speaking to the OM yourself? And is he married?