Blood is always thicker than water.

I love that Steve said that, because that is what I was thinking.

I say that you need to Plan B the relative as much as possible. She doesn't understand what you are going through and she obviously doesn't respect you enough to listen to you when you asked her not to tell you something.

(((((Indie))))). I am so sorry. I know how this feels. Get back on the Plan B horse since you know how protective it is. Do something nice for yourself. Refocus on your life.

Thanks Scot.

I did enjoy hearing that bit. Totally wasnt worth it though. I dont think the relative is entirely evil, she is just worried about him. However I do think she was much less concerned about me than him. There were points in the conversation where I felt under siege, like I was being interrogated as to my reasons and I needed to answer well.

I did, but who needs that?

So shes being B'd.

I will take care of myself a bit but honestly, Ive just got back off hol and theres lots of dull stuff to do now. Its like I need more care than I can afford to give myself!

Well no moaning from me on what must be done. I will do the dishes, do my maths homework, do divorce stuff but also make sure the weekends between now and christmas are eventful and fun. and that I get some sleep! So 'night all....

Ok, since hearing that softlad may be headed to the phillipines Ive had an idea. My plans to rent out my house and concentrate on going back to uni stalled because I knew he wouldn�t let me rent it out before the divorce settlement. I know he couldn�t afford anywhere else and would want to move in, if I implied I wanted to move out.

I am considering asking my spies to tell me if he goes through with his plan and moves away. If so, then I will get an agreement through my IM to rent the place. Thing is this involves some peeking out of Plan b.

However since I would only be getting 'filtered' info relating to the renting of the house, I think this is still Plan B.

What do you think?

You mean that the peek to find out if he actually moves would be a break in Plan B and you would like to know if it is worth it?

I would say that for you to find out if he actually goes would be acceptable, if that is where it ends.

Well, if Scotland says its okay, who can disagree, lol!

I think the intention behind the peek, to be the best you in Plan B by pursuing your dreams, makes it fine.

Indie, if softlad ain't remorseful and meeting your PBL conditions, I hope he does go sway so you can become what you want to be when you grow up.

LOTS OF PEOPLE. As well they should too. Sometimes I just don't know what I am talking about.

I just figure that this peek will provide info for Indie to make a better life for herself, one that she wanted to do previously. That's why I am saying okay, but to limit that info about him actually leaving.

Maybe you could get your mom to be the go-between with whomever you are going to find that info out from, so she can filter it for you. That way it would only be about if he really leaves.

And remember, it is still going to effect you, and make you want to peek more.

Now that you have thought about this minor break in Plan B, what have your thoughts and feelings been like?

Um a bit strange really. The break has given me a few angry moments. �who does he think he is� etc, because if there�s anything I can�t abide, it�s people whining about their well earned unhappiness and doing nothing about it.

But generally my Plan B must be working quite well because I usually forget to be angry in minutes and go back to thinking about myself which is a nice turn in the bend.

I want to date, which is a bit strange. I am in no way ready to date, there is no one I want to date, but I just keep thinking about how nice it would be.

I am sure this is a very common Plan B phenomenon � no one is meeting your needs and you have to learn to meet them yourself. I just keep doing stuff for myself that makes the most of my freedom and not having to check in with anyone. Reminding myself that I am lucky in many ways to not need POJA. For so long I couldnt, I wasnt in a healthy relationship. Its better to be alone than have that. I also think a date with a nice man can be a reward in due time for having taken proper care of myself and gotten myself through this the right way.

I am really excited about my plans for the future and this is the real point of Plan B I think.

Good for you Indie! You show 'em what strong stuff you are made of.

You sound good indie

Yeah the date thing is a tricky one

You might realize when you do date, that as soon as it becomes personal, that you are not ready anyways. It is a shock to the system and brings up a lot of fears

Normal reaction and no reason to rush through it, give yourself plenty of time for all of this, you will come out on top

Plan B is where to be

Has anyone else in plan b felt on the one hand, all fired up to make a better life, but on the other completely exhausted? Ive given myself all these tasks aimed at moving on, but I really don�t have the energy a lot of the time. Its like there is a depression hovering over me, some days I beat it back, other days it has me. I always get at least some small thing done. But then I do the little job and think that�s it � I need to rest, I need to regroup. I feel like that a lot.

This week is especially tough, because there is a test as part of my maths course, and maths is uphill work for me. Then there is the paperwork for the divorce to do; difficult, boring AND heartbreaking. Applying for other jobs is also an important task, because my job makes me miserable at the moment and is sapping a lot of energy. That is depressing because there�s not a lot out there, so I�m looking at very low level jobs, just to free up more time for myself to make my plans.

How do you people with children do all of this?

Its like chipping away at rock but I need to remind myself that feelings follow actions.

We have no choice. Sometimes having the kidlets to focus on helps though. Good distractions and they can make me laugh.

It does get better. You come to a point when it doesn't seem so urgent to change, and you take a look at what has already changed, and realize that you are so far from the person you once were.

Recovery(even personal) is a marathon, not a sprint.

Just know that every step you take is taking you to somewhere great.

Just make a list of things that need to be focused on first, do that and then on to the next thing...........I feel like that a lot as well, lost the desire ..........
I ended up on an AD and that has helped......
I would suggest accomplishing little things everyday to give you that feeling and then just add a bit more when you feel you can swing it.....
Concentrate on the math first..........the divorce papers can wait until the weekend, when you don't have to think about anything else........
Having a clear head helps with the job search, get your rest, go for a walk .......
Just think about you, nothing else and what you can be..........
You are all you need...........

I know exactly what you mean, I suffer from the same strange affliction. No energy, no get-up-and go, no mojo.
Keeping the house clean & tidy is a huge chore. I'm rattling around in a large detached 4 bedroom house by myself, with one cat, and there are rooms I haven't been in for weeks.

Luckily I am enjoying my job, and it is definitely helping me stay sane and on the straight & narrow. But, after coming home from the office at night, all I have energy for is making a cup of tea, veg out in front of the telly for a couple of hours and then haul myself off to bed.

I guess my mental recovery is using up the energy I used to take for granted, but so be it.
I'm riding this out as best I can, and I'm sure the low energy levels is a temporary thing, and eventually that too will get better.

On a positive note,at least there's nobody to tell me off for not having folded the laundry or hoovered the floor ;-)

Thanks everyone



Yeah it does feel as though I am racing towards that point. Maybe time to slow down, get a bit more realistic. Get myself a to-do list based on what I�ve been able to do recently, not what I�ve been able to do in the past � even if there is more to do now.



This is so what I�ve been saying too!

Wow, the rollercoaster was really scraping along the bottom the past couple of days. Worse, my internet is down, so I haven�t been able to get on here much.

Funny. One day you think �I�m healing. His failure to act is not my responsibility, I am looking after myself�.

The next you think �I�m done, I don�t want him now, no matter what. I want someone who can dance. Who doesn�t think the fairies do the washing up. Who doesn�t spend his money on magic beans. Someone who is in a better mood. Someone who doesn�t use my desire to have children as a bargaining chip.�

But then the past few days I have this patch where I want Plan B to change him. It�s funny because I still don�t want him back in many ways. But I want him to agree to an NC letter, I want to be in the position of deciding whether or not I want to be with him. Even though, I already am in that position.

I think I�m on an upswing now though

Scotty is right, kids can be a great distraction to all of this. They are funny at times and are super amazing, but it does makes things more challenging.

Sorry bout the roller coaster Indie

It is said the person with most power in a relationship is the one who cares the least

I guess you could compare that to a drunk or someone addicted to drugs too, or another type of coward

This is hard, you can expect him to remain a child, simply because he can


Hugs

I have decided to feel proud about the low-roll days. I am a person with strong feelings. They take time to process. I had great feeling for my marriage and commitment to it - that is something to be proud of.

Hi Indie,

I'm reading your story now. I have gotten up to the stage where you turned up at your friend's house to find your H there unexpectedly working on her son's computer.

x

I look forward to seeing your story unfold too! I sense a fellow warrior...