I think you could follow up on the refinancing /fraud aspect. That she was able to take you name off the title without your consent ...... someone was in error and ask your attorney about re-acquiring the car and then you can sell it and have some funds.
Work, I know but don't talk to her about it unless you decide to follow up on that.

I thought about that, too. I think I will talk to my lawyer about that.

Good. You shouldn't be liable for the debt. If she takes it to court, she will have to prove you consented to the refinance.

You may be on the hook for paying her a share of the blue book value of her car.

BTW, in a divorce situation, if it isn't signed by the judge, it isn't an agreement. Keep that in mind.

I do understand that about the car but I still have the text exchange where she says if I don't refinance, she was going to sell the car. I could also get a signed statement from our close family friend (a middle aged women to whom i exposed to and who also says ww has lost her mind) whom my wife made the same statement to. I guess she will just have to explain that.

If the car was entirely in your name (or even joint), how the heck did she get it refinanced? I would imagine the bank would have wanted the title and registration switched to her and in most states, both parties have to go to DMV to do that.

A judge isn't going to care about your text exchange. Texts are a horrible way to communicate IMPORTANT stuff during a divorce. Don't use them for negotiations. Use email.

Your friend's affidavit to the court will get thrown out because signed affidavits have very little credibility with the court as the person making the statement can't be cross examined to determine credibility.

A couple of questions.

1. Have either of you filed for divorce yet? If it's been filed, that should put an injunction on dissipation of assets, running up debt, etc. Her refinancing the car unilaterally without your consent / knowledge would be in violation of this.

2. Did she refinance before or after her bankruptcy? If before, she would have to reaffirm the car as part of her bankruptcy to keep it.

Here's some homework - go to the bankruptcy court and pull a copy of her bankruptcy filing. They will be glad to help you out. You will find a treasure trove of information as to her financial status at the time she filed for bankruptcy. It will do two things:

1. Verify her financial status in the divorce filings.
2. If there are big differences between her bankruptcy filing and her financial disclosures for the divorce, even a pro se litigant would shred her to pieces under cross examination and not even Johnny Cochran can object to it.

The car was joint and I was the primary. This is what has me puzzled as well. As far as the text and affidavit, I may have been grasping but I do have them if I needed them.

The divorce was filed by her last November (after I called om) so this has been going on for a while. The refinance happened back in June or July. She filed the BK in august or September. I'm not so sure she's thinking at all (well, I'm pretty sure she hasn't). She doesn't have a lawyer and expects that all of this will play out in her favor. She has my car, my daughter, a new life, a new relationship, no debt (after the BK), a bunch of single friends supporting her, a family that has turned the other cheek on her adultery and everything else going for her. I just don't think things will work out the way she wants them to. I may be wrong. I'm gonna do my best to put a snag in her plans.

Very good information. Check your divorce paperwork to see if an injunction is in place with the property division. Then next question is does your care have any equity in it? I.E blue book worth more than what she refinanced it for. That equity needs to be accounted for in the property division.

Not sure bout equity in car but does that matter.if I'm trying to get it back? Don't think there was an injunction but I'm not sure. If there wasn't, is that good or bad?

So I was at my second job tonight and after a month, someone finally started asking about my ww (I worked there when we married 11 yrs ago and many are still there). She asked if she was still around and if we were divorced. I said yes and no, respectively.

She then starts asking about why and what happened. I didn't come right out and tell her but she put it together based on her line of questioning. Then she gets a saddened look in her face and I asked what's wrong. She said, "you just seem so positive about everything." I just said, "being positive is the only way to be".

Mark, sending my support for you. You know in time it will get better. You have come a very long way with being positive.

You will need to tell people about what happened when they ask, just be very careful with your boundaries. Remember, no opposite sex friendships while married.

What's there not to be positive about? As a man of faith, 2 scriptures have done wonders for my whole outlook on things.

Psalm 37:4 - Delight thyself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. (As God has become my delight, my desire has changed from marital recovery to simply more of Him in my life. He always will give you more of Him if you want Him).

Romans 8:28 - For all things work together for the good of them that love God... (Knowing that this awful experience will have a positive outcome someway, somehow is enough to optimistic no matter the circumstances).

I've already exposed to people that are close to us. Is it necessary that I tell everyone who asks now? I know I'm not the one who did this but I'm hesitant because I don't want to make it seem as if I'm being vindictive by telling everyone.

Also, she was just a coworker who knew my wife and I years ago. She's happily married and I know her husband fairly well. I don't even look at her or anyone with any type of interest. The conversation lasted about 5 mins. Then I left.

So I was sitting and thinking. Since April, I have had one conversation with ww. I've seen her only twice (both at court hearings). Other than those instances, there has been no contact.

I realized today that I'm beginning to have less and less to post regarding feelings or her adultery or my willingness to reconcile or love or anything. I guess this is all a part of what plan b is about.

I realized that I'm happy and joyful and really overall at peace with everything. Just today, i had several people at work ask why i'm always humming. I'm living my life almost as if she no longer exists. This has definitely been a long, educational experience and one that I wouldn't wish on anyone. It is also, I believe, necessary for me to get to where I need to be.

I just got finished purchasing tickets for a trip home (Texas) and it will be the 1st without her. Its okay. I'm moving in a good direction.

Mark, it IS what Plan B is all about.

It does take time, of course. I was told many times that recovery is a marathon not a sprint. That holds true for Personal Recovery as well.

Keep it up.

So I have a question:

I still don't know who the OM is in my situation but since a few people told me ww is posting info about him on FB, I could probably find out through friends if I wanted.

Should I do this and do exposure to his list of friends or should I just let it be since we are so far in the divorce process?

I may be in a similar situation as another BH here. No matter who knows or whether the A is killed, she will probably just try to find somebody else.

I will defer to the vets here. I was in a sitch earlier this year where my mom found OW's FB page wide open. It listed her mom(whom I had missed during exposure) and I asked offline. I was told to Plan B and stay in it. That is what I would suggest.

I've never exposed to any of OM's friends or family because I didn't know who he was. I could probably find our, though.

It was just a thought...

Marksay,

Should I do this and do exposure to his list of friends... she will probably just try to find somebody else.

Problem here, as I see it, is that if you don't know who the OM is you don't known how much of a danger he is to your children.

I think that by exposing OM you send a strong message that you will defend your family, and that is important when your children are away from you. It's a bit like a skull impaled on a fence. This might have a dampening effect on your WWs carousing about as well.

God Bless
Gamma

God DOES work in mysterious ways!......I needed to hear that TODAY!!!
Thanks MSS!!!