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#2563187 11/12/11 09:56 AM
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I am new to this website but old,really old to the subject. I AM THE CHEATER. **Disclaimer** I am not looking for sympathy or apathy. I am totally aware I am wrong, so I am looking for CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. I am aware that everyone here is grieving and trying to make life work. I am not up and up on the abbrieviations used, but have read alot of threads and they are helpful. I have also never used a forum so bear with me in that regard. I am also not good with specific dates, but I will try to explain the story.

The back story is: I am the husband, I am 26 and in the military stationed overseas (not deployed) and my wife, my wife is 28. We met post deployment in the states and stayed together for 4-5 months starting Jan 2009 and left each other after a heart felt trip to the Puerto Rico. In PR we discussed our future and knew we were in budding love and that we wanted to pursue it. I left for Europe and didn't see her for 4-5 months. She came in for a weekend and left again. I had knee surgery in Nov 09, and she came for that...in March of 10 we were married. A month after being married, she moved to Europe. Subsequently, she has left to go home 3 times, 2 of which she wanted and the last because I am getting out in the spring and wanted her to go home and work so we would have income after I get out of the service. Currently she is back again to work on our marriage with me. Now after apx 1/12 years of marriage I have cheated on her with one girl and prior to being married I cheated on her with 2.

Since her moving here after getting married in March of 2010; she found out about the 2 women before from an ambiguous text on my phone. Nothing she could confirm and I was selfish enough to lie about it. Her gut told her I had done this terrible thing and we argued endlessly about it for what seems like day in and day out. I tried to make her feel like she was ruining out marriage out of a misplaced hunch. For so long I lied and covered and lied. The more I lied, in hindsight, the further I pushed her away. I wont get into all the particulars now...just the generalities. We finally hit a emotionally decent patch this last summer, meaning she wasn't flipping out about the suspected girls and I started a 3rd. To clarify, I cut the two off and one of those two was a weekend fling. The 3rd was a confidant. When the wife left, she was a friend...I trusted her and talked to her about everything my wife didn't have time or was--as I foolishly thought--to emotionally weak to handle. When the wife left the last time, I don't know how or why it turned sexual but it did. I broke that off in late July and went to see her for a month in Aug. I came clean about the 2 OW while we were courting. WoW!! is the response, she flipped out so hardcore. We had exchanged verbal...'I am divorcing you's...' but after some talking we decided to try to work it out. She decided to come back to Germany in Sep and arrived in Oct. That is when after some digging she found out about the 3rd.

Where we stand know is we both want our marriage to work. I had been looking for the better part of 72 hours for information like that, that is provided here. I read everything on this site 2 and printed it out to take home and go over with the wife.

I know it is trying, extremely for her and for me...and I felt so completely and utterly guilty and I felt like there was no good place to start to mend, or even if it was too early to begin to mend. I feel guilty, but even before reading this--when me and the wife had our immediate post finding out tuffs--I realize and told her that I was ANGRY, so angry for various reasons I will get into as this thread progresses. I explain to her that I can't explain all her ?'s...I felt her wanting to be a world class detective wasn't helping. I have come to learn so much in these last days from you all and the Dr. (of which I am gracious) But she just kept on insisting that emotions have or had nothing to do with it. I know its no excuse--there is no excuse. I made the decision, but I believe that we have to work on the whole marriage and not just the symptoms.

I am writing because I have a woman I love, whom I betrayed thrice. That I love and that I want to love me, which she does...But I want to mend. I want to survive it...I want so badly to be better then I am. We need the whole marriage to work. I feel if I appease her with whatever she wants to do, say or act because of the situation I put us in, in the end I will be full of resentment towards her just when she starts to come from under the cloud I have cast on us. I am scared and confused, but I know I don't deserve the chance we have, but I will damn well not give up. I can't, I won't...do it make sense.

The last point for this first thread of many to come I am sure is: I put this on here, know I am the antagonist but I know her and I think totally different. Its as backwards as it comes, I put alot of emotional emphasis on my decisions, not to be confused with the day to day feelings. She is purely logical. She doesn't consider the emotional side when drawing her conclusion. Pure logic, if A = B; and C = A; then A + B / 2 = C...like uber logic. It's killing me because the conclusion, being what I have done are always the same, but the problem to me are different. I feel wrong for saying this to her, and wronger still for actually believing it myself...that the Act of the Infedelity was symptom of what was wrong with our marriage, but I don't want to take away from my blame and responsiblity in making those most horrible decisions...does anyone understand...?

Cory LC
*Sorry for the grammar and mispelling...emotional...Its hard putting yourself out there for the world to see, I had to rush it before my courage ran out. Thanks for understanding!*

Last edited by blackhawk33d; 11/12/11 10:35 AM.
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Every recovery begins with 100% of the truth being disclosed.

As you've discovered when you try to hold information back, for whatever reason, it does even more damage.

Answer every single question she has with the detail she desires. She may ask the same questions again and again for several months. That's normal! Make yourself available to answer these questions everyday for a certain time period,,, say maybe an hour, and then agree to go for a walk, where you don't discuss them at all...

She needs to know she has ALL the truth and then she can make a rational decision as to wether she wants to stay in the marriage or not.... But it gets to be a choice of her's based on all the information being out on the table.... She deserves at least that much my friend, so make it happen!

Truth must come from YOU! Do not sugar coat it, and do not make excuses, stick to what YOU did.

As to the act of your infidelity, It occured for one reason only! YOUR BOUNDARIES ARE TERRIBLE!
You can rationalize and justify adultery all you want, but in the end, you'll discover what every WS discovers,,,,, You had many other choices besides infidelity. The reality is your lack of boundaries made cheating an option you were willing to take.


I'll post again, but this weekend has me away from my computer.

Get the truth about ALL your affairs ALL out there and then you'll be able to rebuild, OK!





Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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An assignment for YOU;

Read all four of these. paying close attention to NC (No Contact)with these OW (Other Women)... No Contact and how to insure that in the marriage

LINK





Recovery began 10/07;

Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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I will do anything to make it work and there is alot of sense to what you have said. I thank you for taking your time and I will have an update tommarrow. Don't have much time left in the day, doing dinner with another couple we confided in. Thank you! Thank you so much!!

Cory LC

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Originally Posted By: blackhawk33d
I am new to this website but old,really old to the subject. I AM THE CHEATER. **Disclaimer** I am not looking for sympathy or apathy. I am totally aware I am wrong, so I am looking for CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. I am aware that everyone here is grieving and trying to make life work. I am not up and up on the abbrieviations used, but have read alot of threads and they are helpful. I have also never used a forum so bear with me in that regard. I am also not good with specific dates, but I will try to explain the story.

The back story is: I am the husband, I am 26 and in the military stationed overseas (not deployed) and my wife, my wife is 28. We met post deployment in the states and stayed together for 4-5 months starting Jan 2009 and left each other after a heart felt trip to the Puerto Rico. In PR we discussed our future and knew we were in budding love and that we wanted to pursue it. I left for Europe and didn't see her for 4-5 months. She came in for a weekend and left again. I had knee surgery in Nov 09, and she came for that...in March of 10 we were married. A month after being married, she moved to Europe. Subsequently, she has left to go home 3 times, 2 of which she wanted and the last because I am getting out in the spring and wanted her to go home and work so we would have income after I get out of the service. Currently she is back again to work on our marriage with me. Now after apx 1/12 years of marriage I have cheated on her with one girl and prior to being married I cheated on her with 2.

Since her moving here after getting married in March of 2010; she found out about the 2 women before from an ambiguous text on my phone. Nothing she could confirm and I was selfish enough to lie about it. Her gut told her I had done this terrible thing and we argued endlessly about it for what seems like day in and day out. I tried to make her feel like she was ruining out marriage out of a misplaced hunch. For so long I lied and covered and lied. The more I lied, in hindsight, the further I pushed her away. I wont get into all the particulars now...just the generalities. We finally hit a emotionally decent patch this last summer, meaning she wasn't flipping out about the suspected girls and I started a 3rd. To clarify, I cut the two off and one of those two was a weekend fling. The 3rd was a confidant. When the wife left, she was a friend...I trusted her and talked to her about everything my wife didn't have time or was--as I foolishly thought--to emotionally weak to handle. When the wife left the last time, I don't know how or why it turned sexual but it did. I broke that off in late July and went to see her for a month in Aug. I came clean about the 2 OW while we were courting. WoW!! is the response, she flipped out so hardcore. We had exchanged verbal...'I am divorcing you's...' but after some talking we decided to try to work it out. She decided to come back to Germany in Sep and arrived in Oct. That is when after some digging she found out about the 3rd.

Where we stand know is we both want our marriage to work. I had been looking for the better part of 72 hours for information like that, that is provided here. I read everything on this site 2 and printed it out to take home and go over with the wife.

I know it is trying, extremely for her and for me...and I felt so completely and utterly guilty and I felt like there was no good place to start to mend, or even if it was too early to begin to mend. I feel guilty, but even before reading this--when me and the wife had our immediate post finding out tuffs--I realize and told her that I was ANGRY, so angry for various reasons I will get into as this thread progresses. I explain to her that I can't explain all her ?'s...I felt her wanting to be a world class detective wasn't helping. I have come to learn so much in these last days from you all and the Dr. (of which I am gracious) But she just kept on insisting that emotions have or had nothing to do with it. I know its no excuse--there is no excuse. I made the decision, but I believe that we have to work on the whole marriage and not just the symptoms.

I am writing because I have a woman I love, whom I betrayed thrice. That I love and that I want to love me, which she does...But I want to mend. I want to survive it...I want so badly to be better then I am. We need the whole marriage to work. I feel if I appease her with whatever she wants to do, say or act because of the situation I put us in, in the end I will be full of resentment towards her just when she starts to come from under the cloud I have cast on us. I am scared and confused, but I know I don't deserve the chance we have, but I will damn well not give up. I can't, I won't...do it make sense.

The last point for this first thread of many to come I am sure is: I put this on here, know I am the antagonist but I know her and I think totally different. Its as backwards as it comes, I put alot of emotional emphasis on my decisions, not to be confused with the day to day feelings. She is purely logical. She doesn't consider the emotional side when drawing her conclusion. Pure logic, if A = B; and C = A; then A + B / 2 = C...like uber logic. It's killing me because the conclusion, being what I have done are always the same, but the problem to me are different. I feel wrong for saying this to her, and wronger still for actually believing it myself...that the Act of the Infedelity was symptom of what was wrong with our marriage, but I don't want to take away from my blame and responsiblity in making those most horrible decisions...does anyone understand...?

Cory LC
*Sorry for the grammar and mispelling...emotional...Its hard putting yourself out there for the world to see, I had to rush it before my courage ran out. Thanks for understanding!*


Blackhawk,

welcome to MB... The best place no one wants to be. I am guessing there are no kids between you two, correct?

I could write a lot from this, but will stick with a few things to get moving...

1) What have you done to assure her that this will never happen again? In other words, after 3 affairs, what do you have to offer her?

2) Have you put extraordinary precautions in place?

3) Have you established no contact with the other woman?

4) Have you created a calendar and filled in the events for her, so she has a clear timeline?

5) Have you told her EVERYTHING?


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Originally Posted By: blackhawk33d
I feel wrong for saying this to her, and wronger still for actually believing it myself...that the Act of the Infedelity was symptom of what was wrong with our marriage, but I don't want to take away from my blame and responsiblity in making those most horrible decisions...does anyone understand...?


Telling her that your having three affairs was a symptom of what's wrong in the marriage IS wrong and I hope you do not say this to her any longer.

There are PLENTY of people who are in unhappy marriages who do not cheat. We have had countless folks here who are in Plan B (separation from the wayward spouse) who are not getting their ENs met and they do not cheat.

So the difference between people who cheat and those who do not is...boundaries around members of the opposite sex and taking precautions to prevent an affair.


Ddays 2007 and 2011
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Originally Posted By: blackhawk33d
I felt her wanting to be a world class detective wasn't helping. I have come to learn so much in these last days from you all and the Dr. (of which I am gracious) But she just kept on insisting that emotions have or had nothing to do with it. I know its no excuse--there is no excuse. I made the decision, but I believe that we have to work on the whole marriage and not just the symptoms.


I hope that you will refrain from saying such things as what I bolded above to your BW.

Your affairs and subsquent coverup/gaslighting after your W found some evidence has delivered a severe blow to your M. Your BW needs emergency care to help this bleeding wound before you can move on to working on the "whole" marriage.

HerPapaBear has told you what you need to do to start helping her ~ tell her the TRUTH and answer ALL OF her questions.

Do NOT get angry with her for asking. Do NOT accuse her of trying to be a detective. These things make it WORSE. They do not help.


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blackhawk,

I was a cheater once. Couple of thoughts for starters:

--You need to respect her enough to trust her with the truth. "Trickle-truth" hurts her worse than getting all the facts out there. The reason she feels like she needs (not "wants") to be a world-class detective is because you were a world-class deceiver. (Like I was once.) She needs enough reassurance of what's true, from a credible source, to make herself feel emotionally safe. It shouldn't be ANYwhere on your list of choices for you to resent her merely for trying to find out what you owed her from the start: truth. So what you need to do is, you tell her that whatever she wants to ask, you'll answer for her, truthfully. If you don't have the humility to do this, then you won't have the strength to save your marriage & make it better than the marriage you had before the affair.

--Ask yourself why you've consistently thought it's OK to have female friends; why you thought it was OK to have a "confidante." Where'd you get that from? It is NEVER OK for married people to have opposite-sex confidantes. That crap only works in the movies. In real life, it leads you to where you are. I once thought otherwise, like you; but now I know; because I walked in those shoes of yours. Opposite-sex friends are never OK, unless it's part of a couple-to-couple friendship where all spouses are present for your interactions. Do you GET this? It's not a rhetorical question; it's genuinely important. You need to GET this.

--Don't expect your wife to necessarily respond well to your printing out a lot of info for her to read. She's not the one who's had an affair; you are. You are in danger of coming off sounding like "Honey, I had an affair, so you need to read this." That'd take a lot of (misplaced) nerve.

--If I were you, one thing I would read, and offer to read with her [although don't push it on her] is the book "Surviving An Affair." It's a book that I & my wife both will tell ya may well have saved our marriage after my affair. Our marriage counselor put us onto it, and my wife & I read it together. It may have more credibility with your wife than a stack of printouts from you right now.

--For the future, if she decides to try to recover your marriage: You guys need to arrange it so that you quit spending so much time apart. I don't know much about military marriages (there's a subsection of this site dealing with those), but spending loads of time apart is a huge stressor on any marriage. If you can't arrange to be together now, then you at least need to make a future arrangement for it, and soon, so that you'll have an end to the separations in sight & within reach, timewise. You got married to be together, not to be apart. One of the prime rules for recovering a marriage after an affair, and for sustaining a romantic marriage into the future, is that a couple needs to spend plenty of time (15-20 hours/week) giving one another their undivided attention, so that they can meet one another's most important emotional needs. You just can't do this well if you're apart so much.

You got questions? Ask me.

P.S. -- Abbreviations are here: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2557784&page=1
P.P.S. -- And it'd be a good start to answer Celtic Voyager's questions (from above). That'll help give us (and you) a fix on where you are & where you need to start walking toward.



Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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blackhawk,

I understand what you are trying to say. You aren't very good at saying it, though, and you are going to get clobbered for not being the most eloquent person on the boards.

Let's start with how to talk with your wife.

You have the idea about "fixing the whole marriage". I think what you are trying to say here is that there are things you need to fix and that you recognize that. At the same time, you also feel that your wife has a role in the marriage that has contributed to the issues that were present in the marriage that led to the situation being ripe for an affair.

I think that is what you mean by working on the whole marriage - working on BOTH of you, not just working on changing you.

The Marriage Builders plan does exactly this. The fact is that an affair doesn't happen in a vacuum. The marriage immediately prior to an affair is usually in a state where something is wrong. The state of the marriage is not strong, and the weaknesses present make the marriage vulnerable to an affair.

It takes both spouses to put the marriage into the condition it is in.

That does NOT MEAN it was okay for you to CHOOSE to have an affair. That was NOT the solution to the problems in the marriage. That was a choice you made, and it is 100% your choice. You cannot blame the affair on the problems in the marriage. You cannot blame your wife for the affair. You cannot say that your wife wasn't meeting your needs, so she has a role in the reason for your choice to have an affair. It doesn't work that way. Because instead of looking for a reasonable way to solve the marital problems, you chose to seek another woman for sex. That is NOT a solution to marital problems, and instead ADDED to the problems.


What you are concerned about now is that if you do things that your wife wants you to do to "make up" for the affair, you are afraid that later on you will be resentful of it. Well, that MIGHT be true if you were following any old ordinary plan for recovery.

But you are at Marriage Builders.

And if you look at the Policy of Joint Agreement
And the Policy of Radical Honesty
And at the Extraordinary Precautions
And at the Emotional Needs


That BOTH of you will be working on

You will find that you will be learning how to mutually and enthusiastically agree on decisions WITH your wife. You will be learning how to communicate honestly and openly with your wife, and express your ideas and feelings with her in a way you have not done before. You will be using extraordinary precautions (and so should your wife) in order to protect your marriage from future affairs, which will make your wife feel safer and which will help you learn to set better boundaries with females. And you and your wife will be learning to identify your own and your spouse's emotional needs, the priorities of these needs, and how to go about meeting those needs - and the love between the two of you will grow and grow. And that issue of feeling resentment just won't be an issue, because the relationship you have "now"

just won't even matter

because it will be so far in the past you won't even recognize the marriage you have now as a "marriage".

You will begin building the marriage of your dreams - if you decide to follow the plans here.


So don't even worry about what you "think" your marriage is. It is what you will make it to be.


Bring your wife here.


SB


Lucky to be where I am, in a safe place to get marriage-related support.
Recovered.
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I have read everyone's replies and its alot. I have and will take it all in and apply it. Where we are now. I brought all the stuff home. The idea being that I wanted her to look at it and decide if she was comfortable with getting on board. Didn't just want to throw it at her. I tell her constantly that its a marathon not a sprint, and if she had any questions at any time...to let me know. It has been smooth...TOO SMOOTH...I know its eating her up inside...I need her to talk about it...I don't know. I don't want to insult stupid people all over the world and think ... "Maybe we're good now..." but its tempting, especially knowing the temptest of her emotions.

The calendar idea is a great one, but she has all the dates in her head...I mean every single on on a 4-D high def calendar ran by a supercomputer. That being said, my calendar of events is shaky at best...I can bring it up to her and see if that is something she'd like to do.

On a great note. I am no longer sleeping on the floor next to the bed! There's something to be said about that. Not much. But its something, plus my body really couldn't take much more of that abuse.

I wasn't aware my speaking points with the W were that wrong, thanks for the insight. I am digesting at this time and will have something for you all tommarrow...thank you!!

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Not going anywhere. Like I said -- you got questions? Ask.

If she hasn't sicked a lawyer on you already, then that's good news -- you may be down 2 strikes in the count, but you're still batting...


Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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You can begin POJA unilaterally.
Even if BW has not read any MB material.

"What?"

Here are my thoughts/suggestions:

Policy of Joint Agreement - mutual enthusiastic agreement to all major decisions

Originally Posted By: Pepperband
P O J A

The "BUYER's" agreement !!


Quote:
POJA requires this question be asked

"How do you feel about what I would like to do?"

Decisions are to be made considering each other's feelings.

POJA forces you to be considerate especially when you don't feel like it

OK .... you've asked THE question "How would you feel about ...."

and this gets negotiation started ... and you realize the goal is enthusiastic agreement ... how do you arrive at that goal?




Quote:

Guidelines for POJA

Guideline 1

Set ground rules to make negotiation pleasant and safe.

...Ground Rule 1 Try to be pleasant and cheerful throughout negotiations.

...Ground Rule 2 Put safety first. Don't make demands, show disrespect, or become angry when you negotiate, even if your partner makes demands, shows disrespect, or becomes angry with you.

...Ground Rule 3 If you reach an impasse and don't seem to be getting anywhere, or if one of you is starting to make demands, show disrespect, or become angry, stop negotiating and come back to the issue later.

~~~> In other words, do not succumb to the temptations of your Taker <~~~

Guideline 2

Identify the problem from both perspectives.

Very important point Harley makes ~~~> Most couples try to resolve a conflict without doing their homework. They don't fully understand the conflict itself, nor do they understand each other's perspectives. In many cases, they are not even sure what they really want or what they are enthusiastically willing to give.

Harley says

Respect is the key in this phase of negotiation.

It is extremely important to avoid trying to straighten each other out.

(~~~> OK .... anyone guilty of this raise your hand <~~~ *my hand is up*)

Guideline 3

Brainstorm with abandon

This is the creative part.

Look for mutually agreeable areas that will create compatability.


The goal is to please both of you.

Harley says

The secret to understanding your partner is to think like your partner's Taker thinks.

It's easy to appeal to your partner's Giver ~~~> if she really loves me, she'll let me do this. BUT, lasting peace must be forged with your partner's Taker, so your solutions must appeal to your partner's most selfish instincts. At the same time they must also appeal to your most selfish instincts.



VERY IMPORTANT POINT HERE***

Resist one type of solution that your Giver and Taker may suggest --- the I'll let you do what you want this time if you let me do what I want next time solution <~~~ That's the RENTER'S SOLUTION that encourages you to alternate sacrificing for each other.



Look at Dr Harley's guidelines for POJA.
YOU fulfill these guidelines at every opportunity.
Even if BW is not on board, you do this.
You do the best POJA you can ... unilaterally.

Start doing this in all your interactions with your wife.

"Dear. I was thinking I would (what you might do). How do you feel about that?"

Or......

"What is your opinion about (something)?"

Do not have expectations of any great change in her attitude right away.

"Why not?"

Because she does not trust you to do anything with honesty and integrity at this time.

Time + patience.

Do not measure her response.
Instead, measure your ability to POJA day in and day out.

If you do this faithfully AND joyfully for a month .... let's discuss the results.

Make this POJA a joyful effort on your part. Attitude is everything. Your attitude will exude from your pores.

Important point:

POJA requires emotional honesty on your part.
If your wife asks you what you want for dinner, do not say "Anything." Because, truthfully, you would not like liver and onion and anchovy pizza, would you?
Instead, you might answer, "How would you feel about cheeseburgers?" Or, if things are getting a bit rough when you make a suggestion, try "What are my options?". My point is, YOU must be honest when you POJA.


Last edited by Pepperband; 11/16/11 12:58 PM. Reason: spelling !!!!! pours/poors/pores
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Originally Posted By: blackhawk33d


On a great note. I am no longer sleeping on the floor next to the bed!


My H was not allowed to sleep in the same room with me for a month!
You are correct.
The bed is a huge step.

PS: I wanted to add the reason I did not allow H in the room with me at night.
I did not trust MYSELF. grin
I might smother him or beat him bloody as he slept.
He annoyed me when he slept so soundly.

LOL

Last edited by Pepperband; 11/16/11 12:09 PM.
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Step 1: Stop cheating.


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
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Originally Posted By: TryingEverything
Step 1: Stop cheating.



He's still cheating?????

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Originally Posted By: Pepperband
Originally Posted By: TryingEverything
Step 1: Stop cheating.



He's still cheating?????


Maybe not this week, Pep. But with 3 separate offenses over the past 2 years, if I was his BW, I wouldn't let this guy out of my sight.

Also, it's not like he came clean about the 3rd one, BW uncovered it by becoming a "world class detective" (which is an insult to BW by the way. She wouldn't have to be a "world class detective" if you weren't sneaking around.)

Are there any more affairs you haven't come clean about, Blackhawk?


BH(Me)=40
WXW=38
ILYBNILWY: 8/09
DDAY: 8/31/09
Two boys: 8,7
Divorced 3/23/2011

Don't let your eyes refuse to see. Don't let your ears refuse to hear. Or you ain't never gonna shake this sense of sadness. --Ray Lamontagne
Joined: Oct 2010
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Originally Posted By: Pepperband
Originally Posted By: blackhawk33d


On a great note. I am no longer sleeping on the floor next to the bed!


My H was not allowed to sleep in the same room with me for a month!
You are correct.
The bed is a huge step.

PS: I wanted to add the reason I did not allow H in the room with me at night.
I did not trust MYSELF. grin
I might smother him or beat him bloody as he slept.
He annoyed me when he slept so soundly.

LOL



Have I ever told you that I adore your candor?

Classic!

rotflmao


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR

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