<BR>I am the betrayed. H and I have been trying to work things out to salvage a 10 year history and almost 2 year marriage. The problem is not simply his affair and pregnant ow, it is that I can't reconcile feelings in my heart vs. information in my head. When I am not with H, I think both of his affair (which I am still a little in shock about) but also of our love. All I want to do during those moments is hug him and be touched by him. I know he still loves me and wants to reconcile. He says and does all the right things. It would be so easy to slip back into the life we had. Yet of course, it would not be the same life. I still love him despite what he did. But I don't know if love is enough. This is where the head starts screaming. After phone calls or seeing him I am more saddend and depressed then before. All I can see is not us together but his 6-month affair, daily deceptions and denials to my face, love letters to ow, planed overnights when I was away, pregnant ow. Get the point. My head tells me that he did not respect or cherish me as he vowed to. He did not once consider the health risk of having unprotected sex. He made no efforts to stop harrassing calls to me that he knew were from ow. And when he came clean, it was only 50% of story. The big questions has another factor. Even if I forgive, move on and vow to love fully and completely (which he promises to do) How can I escape anger and bitterness over the next few months or years? How can I have control over the things I may say to him in anger? This "white elephant" will always be here and I don't know if I can avoid it? I don't want to be in a situation in 2 years with 2 kids and still bringing up ow/deception ect. So, do I go with heart and live with learning how to cope and rebuild with elephant and ow and oc in my life or do I act on divorce papers which I served, move on to a life without H?<BR>I appreciate all advice and wonder how others in this situation might have chosen? Thanks and love...

I forget but how long have you known about the affair? I think this has a lot to do with how you are feeling right now.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Life, if my husband still loved me and I still loved him I would give a reconciliation every chance. It's hard to erase betrayal from your mind and it will probably always be there but if you have love in your heart you can overcome the bitterness in your mind if you really want to. I would give anything to hear my husband say he still loves me and wants to spend his life with me. Even though I still love him I know that I can never forget the betrayal but I could forgive it. Focus on what you want for your future and go for it. Hang in there, it does get better.<P>Hugs!

Morning SDS, I learned very basic details of affair in July. I did receive info about affair through phone calls as early as March but when H denied all, I believed him. Spent summer trying to learn more facts but H was still vague and a little defensive of ow. In early October, ow sent package fully detailing the extent of affair. More details then I ever wanted to know. That is the timeline. H says I know everything now but the small issue of trust wonders if there is more to know...

Life - Quite a ride, isn't it. Time, just time and committment. You both have your issues to deal with and you have every right to feel like you feel.<P>Give yourself time. Give him time to prove to you that he's trustworthy. And appreciate the effort that you BOTH are making.<P>Good luck to you. <P>Lori

Life, I think you are in a normal place the doubts can ou forgive will it come up in an arguement etc. I know I went through all of what you are thinking. I got passed by thinking about what life would be without him(which I am now finding out first hand but not by my choice.) I know you are going through a lot of hurt. It does take time to get through this first step. I know what he has put you through the lies the pregnant Ow (H's OW had an abortion) I understand the fear of unprotected sex, the lies and denials. (I found out that she has been in my home several times while I was gone, and one weekend when he was suppose to be alone thinking about us. That really hurt!) But I think that my H is ill mentally midlife crisis because how else could the man he was do thinks like this. Anyway that is how I am able to get through what the argument of head and heart. Hopes this helps a little. But don't taake any steps until you are really sure. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>