Feelings follow actions. I am not hearing a lot about what you are doing for you.

The ongoing on/off stuff with the divorce will put you through the mill.

You need to be in no contact with her, hear nothing about her. Obviously the divorce is messing with that. I would just work hard to get to a quiet space.

Time.

It takes time.

Time is chugging along and it will happen.

Like taking a grain of sand from one pile and moving it to another. You don't see it happen all at once, but eventually you go "I'll be......that pile is bigger now and that one is smaller".....and eventually the original pile will be gone.

People have been interested in what's going on:

Well, part of the reason for the 2nd job (other than my brief and unsuccessful fight for DD)was extra money to enjoy life again. I was able to play on a pool league team 2 wks ago for 1st time in a year. Went our karaokeing with coworkers a couple.nights later.

Obviously, the 2 jobs keep me busy but I also take Kung Fu lessons twice a week. I'm at church 3 nights a week. Wednesday bible study, Friday rehearsal for praise and worship team (which I only joined a month or so ago) and Sunday for worship service. When I'm not working on Tues or Thursday, I play dominoes with some friends. Also, during the spring/summer, I gave hitting lessons every night after work.

Other than the fact that the love remains for ww, I think I've done pretty good at moving on.

Hopefully my previouse post dispels the idea that I'm sitting around the house pining away for my wife. I keep myself quite busy.

But what may be the final chapter in this book goes like this:

I met with the GAL yesterday, whom had already spoken with wife (who told her about her boyfriend) and had interviewed daughter (who admitted to knowing about mommy's boyfriend). She said daughter seems very healthy and unaffected by all of this. She stated she saw no reason to give me custody and take her out of ww home. I showed her the fb pic (with daughter only in panties) and she said she wasn't bothered by it and that it wasn't much different than a bathing suit minus the top.

I said all of that to say the only fight left fighting is over before it really began and I have nothing left to fight for. The reasons to fight (first for my marriage and then for my daughter) are all gone. And I don't think there is any more fight in me left. I put up a valiant effort but there are fights you just can't win.

Afterwards, I told my lawyer to just speed the divorce process along. I won't put up a fight for anything at mediation. Our house is already being foreclosed. Her BK is taking care of her debt. Once I finish paying off lawyer, the costs of GAL and mediation, I will file a BK myself and just start fresh. I'm not gonna fight her over my car she was supposed have given back to me in march. She went and refinanced it without my consent and now.she can.just keep it. It'll soon be over and a new chapter will start.

The GAL did tell me to petition to have the PO thrown out since judge knows that ww violated it repeatedly (she told him at status hearing and he was furious). I told lawyer to do so but that NC would continue perpetually. A third party will be the way we communicate from here on out (its been that way since June). If I can't be what I vowed to be, her husband, lover, and friend, then I will be none of them. I will continue to do what I can for and with my daughter, but my ww will no longer be a part of my life (that's what she wanted anyways, isn't it).

Inspite of it all, I have no hatred, malice, or anything for my wife. I hate what's she's done to me, our family, and even to herself. But I still love her and I always will. Some may say that I'm crazy. But I don't care really about what others think on that subject. The love I have for her is only possible because of God. Divorce will not make me.stop loving her. Its a choice and one that I make WITH ABSOLUTELY NO REGRETS.

I don't think you are crazy, at all.

I can see how you are ready to get moving along with this D, as it seems that there is no fight left for you. I would only suggest that you not make it easy, and just roll over. Get your lawyer to get the best outcome he can for you. And you KNOW that you did everything you can, so you can always hold your head up HIGH about it. That to me is worth a lot, even when the marriage doesn't recover.

I agree with getting the RO dropped, and with staying dark with her anyways.

Scotland, there is nothing left to really dispute. There is nothing that she can take from me nor is there anything I really want or need from her. The fight is over. The final chapter has seemingly been written and the book is finished.

I have survived and I will continue to survive. Yes, I know I did the best I could and all that I could do. I will not hang my head down in defeat because I've nothing to be hang my head about.

Yes, I did all I could because I did want my family to survive this turmoil. I did want to continue to have her in my life because of my vows, because of my commitment, because of my daughter, because of my deep and unconditional love. But this last year has taught me that I don't NEED her in my life. I can survive. I have survived. I WILL survive.

Well, gee. I guess she's right.

In talking to my pastor today, I made it very clear to him that there was no more fight in me left. I told him I fought to break up my ww's affair(s), my marriage and family, my daughter and now there was nothing left to fight for.

As I was making these statements, he did nothing but smile. When I was done, he told me that he'd prayed that one day I would come to this realization, that I would reach the point of despondency and helplessness. He told me what I'd known for a long time, that my ww is a "spiritual POW" and that it has never really been my battle to fight.

He then had me read 2 Chronicles 20:15b "Thus says the Lord to you: 'Do not be afraid or dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not YOURS, but GOD'S".

What an humbling realization...

Ok. Good words from him. 2 questions for ya then I'm off to bed. No need to respond right away, just think on them...

1) Is he pursuing discipline for your WW since she still holds membership at that church or is he going to give her a wink and a nod by letting this continue. Church discipline can be carried through is she refuses to appear (at least for us Presbyterians).

2) What does this practically mean for you? In other words, how do these words apply to your situation? Does this mean you no longer fight for the best custody you can for your daughter despite what the GAL said? Does it mean that you will no longer contest the divorce, or finish the mediation instead of letting it drag on?

While it is true that God often works when we are at the end of our rope, he also works through means...The medium of those means is more often than not people.

Just some things to think on.

To answer your questions:

1) How can discipline be carried out on someone who has willfully left the church. She's not there therefore what can he do. As it stands now, she's been there maybe twice in the past 6 months.

2) There is nothing more I can do in terms of the custody issue. The GAL'S recommendation carries great weight in determining custody. If she says I have no chance, that's pretty much it.

As far as the D goes, I've told my lawyer to expedite the process as best he can. There is not much left to dispute. What is there left to mediate. I'm not gonna just go and say skip this and that. I will just let things run its course.

What I've come to realize is whatever Gods plan is for my marriage and family, divorce can't alter it or change it. In that I find peace.

I think I've finally come to grips with it all. I'm now ready to cut the strings to what remains of my marriage. I never thought I would get to this point. Its time I set my ww free. Free to be who she is now.

I've tried to hold on to something that is no longer there. I tried to fight a battle that I could not win. I've tried to keep together something that no longer existed. Its time to set her free.

CV,

The judge made it clear that "legally", her adulterous activities mean nothing, as did the GAL. Indiana is not like Virginia and others states that still consider adultery a criminal offense.

All of the resources I had at my disposal have been exhausted. All of my efforts, while noble, just can't change the fact that my ww is not going to be impacted by anything other than an act of God. Its time that I just fully and completely let go.

If my family unit and marriage is to ever be restored, it will not be because of me. I've done all I can do. I have no more fight left. I have no more of a.desire to try. I must now accept things as they are.

Doesn't mean it won't have any bearing on the outcome......hang in there.

So I was reading back through my thread to see where I was and where I am. In June, I was ready to just sign the papers and not fight for anything. At that point, there were only a couple of months left.

Here we are now in November, 5 months later, and we still probably have another month or two to go. I am more ready now than I've ever been. I want to literally just let her free. I'm not really hurting right now because I think I am finally at peace. Its time. Its way past time. I have nothing more to give to this fight. Nothing more.

I just want, at this point, to get it over with.

This is in your sig line, Steve:
Can you tell me what this means?

When He doesn't tell you His plans for you, you can find comfort and consolation in knowing that He is with you and that the end result of whatever you experience is for your good.

Had an email conversation with the GAL today. She told me that ww deleted her fb after she told her I had concerns about pic of DD. She was probably mad, too, because she knew someone had to tell me about it and get it to me.

Secondly, she told me I had little chance at 50/50 custody mainly because of the bogus PO (my lawyer is working on filing to have it thrown out). She said if ww and I can't communicate and compromise, how can we share custody. Ive always been willing to communicate, just not directly. Also, how can you compromise with someone so entangled in sinful activities and who's in an awfully prideful and selfish state of mind.

She told me I will not be able to have DD on my Wednesday before thanksgiving because ww and DD are traveling to be with family. This had me down for a little bit until I remembered the quote in my sign. I also remembered that as a spiritual battle of good and evil, it's not and never really has been my fight. God ALWAYS wins.

A side note: the judge in our case came into my 2nd job tonight. We even spoke cordially to one another.

So my lawyer sent me a joint motion to amend protective order at the request of the GAL. First, I would like it to be thrown out since she's violated it several times and judge is aware. Also, how do I stick with plan b if they are asking me to communicate. They haven't said I have to but they say I need to. I DON'T WANT TO.

Wife told them she doesn't want anyone else involved. At this point, I'm not really sure I care about what she wants. What do I do?

I would say that it is very important for the children that everything stays civil. Tell them things have been more civilised since you have been communicating indirectly. That you will respond and comply this way, you just dont want any aggravation from your ex. Its to keep communication clear that you do this.

If they arent forcing you, keep firm. Make sure you are happy with your representation though.