I just found out about an affair that lasted 2 months with a woman that I work with. So I have to see her and talk to her every single day. Any progress my husband and I make toward getting past the affair is basically erased when I have to see her at work the next day. All I do is picture her doing things to my huband and it makes me feel sick. I feel like I am an amotional roller coaster, one day I am clinging to him telling him how much I love him and want to move past this and the next day I want him to leave and I obsess over the other woman. Is it possible to get past this when the other woman is in my face all day long? Am I obsessed with it...it's all I think about?? PLEASE HELP!!

sosad, I can help you out really fast - hang on to your hat. Are you ready?:

Quit your job. You are being triggered every time you see her. As long as you are in this toxic atmosphere you will not be able to heal from their affair.

Is that the only time you see OW? You need to eliminate every possibility of either you or your WH seeing her.

Is the OW married?

I would find another job. Of course you are triggered when you see her. But more than that, does your HUSBAND see her?

Thank you for your quick replies. No he does not work with us and the OW is NOT married. I have been checking his phone, texts, phone bill, facebook and they have not been in contact at all. But I still have to see her. I love my job, I am a teacher. I have been here for over 10 years and I have a wonderful reputation. I hate to have to give up my career because my husband had to do this.

Yep. It's a lousy position they've put you in. But you are seeing the negative results of remaining where you can see this skank.

Your mental health and your marriage are much more important than any job. I'm sorry to be so brusque, but that's just how it is.

Can you request a tranfer to another building within the district? Or a new district altogether?

I got the OM fired from my W's workplace in March...things are much better, but even just her working there is a trigger we're working to eliminate (RE: a new job. It really does suck).

How did all of you get passed the affairs you dealt with? It's all I think about. I'm forcing myself to have sex with him so he doesn't look elsewhere but all I do is picture him with the OW. I don't have self esteem left and I can't imagine ever being able to trust him again. I know it takes time but I don't feel any better after 3 months

Doesn't sound to me like you love your job at all. Sounds to me like going to work is a life of hell because you see the OW there. You might have once loved it, but you don't anymore.

Does everyone know she had an affair with your husband? I would not only tell everyone, but I would report this to Human Resources and let them know what she did and how traumatic it is for you. I would try to get her fired.

If you told your coworkers, the women will make her life miserable.

I'm nearing 9 months post-exposure. Doing much better with the 'mental movies', but then there are times....days that I can't shake it and want to puke, literally.

I do my best to meet her ENs, which, of all things, makes me feel better.

I admit, though, that I do struggle with whether I will be able to move past this or not. I know it takes time, but some days, while I can forgive, can I forget? (or at least be able to move forward, always knowing she had sex with another man while married?)

shannon, can you give us a little more info regarding the timeline? When did the A begin? What were the circumstances?

What you're feeling right now is normal and will pass if you take certain measures to protect and heal your marriage. One of those measures is NC (No Contact). That means your WH never sees or hears OW ever again. You need to go NC with her, as well. We've had members move to a different city or state because of the chance of seeing the affair partner in the grocery store. This is an Extraordinary Precaution (EP) that helps prevent a rekindling of the A. There are other things you can do, as well.

I would suggest you purchase Surviving an Affair, by Dr. Harley. He is the founder of this website. You can get the book at the bookstore on this site, or on Amazon.com. This book will be your handbook for recovery.

Tell us where your WH's mind is regarding recovery.

Ironically...the night my husband confessed to me me snuck away and called the OW and warned her that I knew. She approached me the next day and I simply replied that I had nothing to say to her. This psycho skank ran to our boss and said I verbally attacked her and she is telling everyone I am making it all up for attention. Half of my coworkers have resorted to not speaking to me at all because they are on "her side". It is truly miserable!

You might have once loved it, but you don't anymore.

And, shan....this is where my W is at now -- even though OM hasn't worked there in 9 months.

Or, as she stated before: "I just can't see me working in a place where I had an affair that almost destroyed my marriage/family..."

Ah, yes. The nasty little scag beat you to your exposure targets and spun everything to make you look like a nutjob. Typical.

That certainly would not prevent me from speaking the truth. Would your WH go with you to verify your recounting of the A?

Good question...I don't know if it will help. My boss basically said she doesn't want to hear anything else about it...it happened outside of work and thats where it needs to stay.

Shannon,

I hate to have to give up my career because my husband had to do this.

Expose this OW to her parents, grandmother, church, and parents within the district, hire a male escort to seduce her and film the encounter. Do you have documentation?

God Bless
Gamma

If your boss had to make a choice between you or the skank, who do you think he'd choose?

I'm also for taking WH to work and exposing the situation to your boss, and indicate as well how uncomfortable it is to work with the skank that screwed your H, and indicate something will need to be done about it, or you will have to find alternate employement.

I would go to Human Resources with your husband and tell them about the affair. Explain that this is a hostile work environment. You can tell your coworkers that your H has admitted the affair.

I am completely baffled why you say you love your job? This is love?

Go to Human Resources with your husband. This is a hostile work environment and I would make a formal complaint.

Your 'boss' shouldn't be in a position of leadership if she abdicates her responsibilities that quickly. She doesn't want to hear about it??? There is a skanky woman who bangs married men on her staff, and she doesn't want to hear about it?? Does she frequently endorse immorality by those under her watch? Is skanky a teacher of children, as well? She is an immoral cretin who has no business shaping young children's lives.

In any event: you and your husband should have a sit-down with this faux boss and explain that your working conditions are intolerable because you are forced to interact with an immoral woman who almost destroyed your marriage. Can you discuss the possibility of being transferred to another district so that there is no chance of ever interacting with her again?

Go ABOVE your boss. Go to the director of Human Resources and your Superintendent and officially report the affair. This affair poses a hostile work environment for you. It makes it IMPOSSIBLE for you to work there.

And if you think you are upset now, it will get worse. That is why I would either get her out of there or leave yourself.