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I just can't get over it?
It's been two years since d-day and I still have nightmares and still wonder if I can do this.
H is fine. I can account for all his time. He's here for me when I need it. etc.
Recently he lied to me about smoking a cigarette and I just.....well, came apart a little.(a small example)
Anytime he is less than great, I get soo bitter and resentful.
Is this normal?
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
Working hard on recovery!
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CArka, are you using the MB program to recover your marriage? Has your husband implemented extraordinary precautions so he NEVER sees the OW again?
Is something triggering you?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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No, I've totally screwed up.
I'm still in contact with bro and his wife. In fact just recently, on halloween owsil came in our house to drop something off and walked right past h on the couch.
This is the only time something like this has happened. I was supposed to let him know ahead of time so he would have waited upstairs, but it all happened really fast.
I've tried to utilize mb concepts, but feel I'm failing in certain areas.
Also, my anxiety disorder shot through the roof since dday and I blame my h.
I'm very bitter.
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
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CArka, are you using the MB program to recover your marriage? Has your husband implemented extraordinary precautions so he NEVER sees the OW again?
Is something triggering you? Yes, my own stupidity.
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
Working hard on recovery!
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We are moving out of state hopefully before the summer. I keep thinking of running away before then.....
I'm soo tired.
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
Working hard on recovery!
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I went nc with them for a while. (about a year) only speaking to my brother a few times here and there.
I missed them and caved. I'm ashamed to say that I even have owsil as a friend on fb. Got invited to my bro's b-day party and everything.
I've noticed that since I've extended the olive branch to her it's allowed me an in.... sort of. along the lines of "keep your friends close and...." Well, you get the just.
I've made some mistakes.
I was and still am saddened at fact that I have to be cut off to certain family members because of all this, but I now am getting why.
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
Working hard on recovery!
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I'm still in contact with bro and his wife. In fact just recently, on halloween owsil came in our house to drop something off and walked right past h on the couch.
This is the only time something like this has happened. I was supposed to let him know ahead of time so he would have waited upstairs, but it all happened really fast. I wouldn't let him know at all. I would cut off contact completely if you want to EVER have any hope of recovering your marriage. Neither of you should EVER see the OW, ever again. Your marriage is not going to recover by magic or accident. If you don't take very specific steps, you will have a crippled version of the pre-affair marriage. Your marriage is crippled and will stay that way until you get to work here. Why would you ever, ever allow the SIL in your presence?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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on halloween owsil came in our house to drop something off and walked right past h on the couch.
This is the only time something like this has happened. I was supposed to let him know ahead of time so he would have waited upstairs I would not let your husband know, I would let the POLICE know the next time she comes in your home and have her physically removed. File a restraining order on her.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You really only have 2 choices here. You can have your brother and OWsil in your life, or you can have your marriage. You can't have both. Make the decision which one you want, and stick to it.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I went nc with them for a while. (about a year) only speaking to my brother a few times here and there.
I missed them and caved. I'm ashamed to say that I even have owsil as a friend on fb. Got invited to my bro's b-day party and everything.
I've noticed that since I've extended the olive branch to her it's allowed me an in.... sort of. along the lines of "keep your friends close and...." Well, you get the just.
I've made some mistakes.
I was and still am saddened at fact that I have to be cut off to certain family members because of all this, but I now am getting why. Carka, Who have you exposed to? How long was the affair? No contact is absolutely essential to regaining your marriage. Does your brother know what happened?
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Yes, it's been exposed. Family, friends, h's boss and fellow employee who keeps an eye on the phone lines for me.
The affair was off and on for about 2 years. I found out in Nov. of 09.
My h has had nc since then. (with the exception of what happened on halloween. My fault though)
He has done what he's supposed to do.
It's me with the issues now and it's driving a wedge between us.
Had a talk with h lastnight. He agrees that me continuing contact with her is really bad for me.
Was honest with him in our talk that I was questioning if I should take off or not.
I HATE where I am right now.
The town we live in rains constantly! It's dark and dreary and really hard on me emotionally. Even though we are relocating soon. (to a better climate) It can't happen soon enough. I though seriously about going out there and getting situated ahead of him. But that could be damging to our marriage.
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
Working hard on recovery!
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I even have owsil as a friend on fb. Got invited to my bro's b-day party and everything. 
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[quote=celticvoyagerNo contact is absolutely essential to regaining your marriage. Does your brother know what happened? [/quote]
I guess I figured that as long as my h was keeping nc that it wouldn't hurt for me to see them.
I wanted my family back.
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
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Sorry...Yes, my brother knows.
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
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Yes, it's been exposed. Family, friends, h's boss and fellow employee who keeps an eye on the phone lines for me.
The affair was off and on for about 2 years. I found out in Nov. of 09.
My h has had nc since then. (with the exception of what happened on halloween. My fault though)
He has done what he's supposed to do.
It's me with the issues now and it's driving a wedge between us.
Had a talk with h lastnight. He agrees that me continuing contact with her is really bad for me.
Was honest with him in our talk that I was questioning if I should take off or not.
I HATE where I am right now.
The town we live in rains constantly! It's dark and dreary and really hard on me emotionally. Even though we are relocating soon. (to a better climate) It can't happen soon enough. I though seriously about going out there and getting situated ahead of him. But that could be damging to our marriage. How's your UA time? Are you spending more than 15hours together uninterrupted? You gotta cut contact immediately. explain it to your brother. and for goodness sake, get OW off of your facebook. It's a trigger. CV
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You come to MB.
You get MB based 'advice'.
And you do the opposite.
And we're supposed to offer more suggestions?
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I even have owsil as a friend on fb. Got invited to my bro's b-day party and everything. I know.....
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
Working hard on recovery!
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You have no idea ............
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Our ua time is is ok. Been slacking lately but we talked about that too lastnight. We are going on a date today.
As far as mb principles....H and I in the beginning did what we were supposed to do.
H has been on track with the excetion on some minor issues.
Like I said before..it's me right now.
I missed my brother and nephew and I caved.
I don't want to offend anyone but How many of you here have had to deal with this within your family?
It is gut wrenching to say the least. I've made some mistakes, but I'm here hoping for guidance.
Me: BW
DH: Had a 2yr. affair with my brother's wife.
D Day 11-10-09
Working hard on recovery!
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