Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at
mbrestored@gmail.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9
Junior Member
|
|
Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9 |
Hi all!
I'm looking for any help I can get here.
My WH has been NC with OW for two weeks. He's 'confused' saying he still thinks about her and the possible OC a lot and how can he 'love me' or be 'committed to me' while he's still thinking about someone else?
So we are sleeping in separate rooms and he is reluctant to work on 'us' while he feels he still has so much to work on 'within himself'.
What should I do? Would a separation help me or hurt my cause, assuming I'd like the chance to work on the marriage? How can I help him get through this confusion (mind you, the A has been over since May 2011)??
I want to support him through this confusion, but the limbo is tearing me apart! Thanks for any help you can offer!
Me: BW
Ex-Husband: WH
DDay #1: 8/30/11
DDay #2: 9/14/11
Separated: 12/16/11
Happily Divorced: 2/27/13
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
~ Robert Frost
Joyfully moving on with my life... =)
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
How long married? Any children? Does he still work with the OW? See her at all?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449 |
Welcome to MB. From your other thread: My WH admitted his A on August 30th. It lasted 6 months with a coworker who is now pregnant with possible OC. She has cut off contact from him. Cutting off contact doesn't mean anything if they still work together. Do they still work together?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,549 Likes: 10 |
Welcome to MB, hope. It is really important that you maintain just one thread about this problem. You have another thread over in the pregnancy forum, and on it you have posted a bit more context. Hello MBers!
I'm so sad to be posting here...this was not supposed to be my life...but here goes:
My WH admitted his A on August 30th. It lasted 6 months with a coworker who is now pregnant with possible OC. She has cut off contact from him. He and I are...at odds...he is dealing with a lot of guilt.
We were doing well until he chose to meet with her (despite my discomfort with the idea) to talk paternity...then he started having 'feelings' for her again and we have been at odds ever since.
Right now, there has been NC for a bit over 2 weeks...he's 'confused'. Won't say he loves me, she doesn't want him...keeps talking about 'needing time alone to figure himself out'.
As for my POV, I still love him very much. I don't think he did this maliciously and I know he regrets the A, but he feels a very strong sense of responsibility for the OC (if it's his).
Any tips or tricks for helping him to get over the guilt and get back into working on the M? He's in counseling and talking to a number of people but this limbo is KILLING me!!!
Thanks for any support you can offer! In a situation where there is a possible OC, it is vital for your H not to admit paternity by putting his name on the birth certificate or taking a DNA test. If OW wants to keep him away from her child then that is good, as it gives your marriage a chance of recovery. If he decides he wants to be a father to this child, then it will be difficult for him never to contact OW again - because he will visit the child - and the affair has a high chance of rekindling. It will be hard for you to recover if your H is in contact with his OC. It will be impossible if he is in contact with OW.
BW
Married 1989
His PA 2003-2006
2 kids.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
448
guests, and
107
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,035
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
|
|
