He did say to me last week that he spoke with her and that "she wants me to be happy and says that it's best if we no longer contact each other."

He told me they were just friends but I have gathered evidence to the contrary and plan to present it to him tomorrow when he gets back into town.

He told me they were just friends but I have gathered evidence to the contrary and plan to present it to him tomorrow when he gets back into town.

I will try to answer all your questions:

I have just exposed the affair to WH's parents. Spent the last two hours on the phone with them telling them everything. I have their full support.

WH met OW at a club. Without getting into too much detail, WH is a performer who travels roughly half the year and is gone about 70 percent of all weekends. This has been a major issue in our marriage.

Thank you for your responses. MelodyLane, to answer your question, WH's parents are willing to discuss the affair with their son and ask him to stop. However, they are in only the beginning stages of a thawing-out of a deep rift that has been going on with their son over a whole other issue. Essentially, WH cut off all contact with them for the past three years.

Your other comments, MelodyLane, about my husband's traveling, are discouraging. I don't see how I could travel with him with a 15-year-old at home. I wouldn't be able to do that for three years, until our daughter goes off to college.

I have discussed with him quitting his career so that he could stop traveling. This is his dream career. He's wanted to do it since he was a boy. He's wildly successful at it after many years of "paying his dues," and he said to give it up now would only make him resentful of me.

Your married life has been full of sacrifice. Don't do it anymore. One person's dreams can be another's nightmares. When that's the case in marriage, the dream should be abandoned. Whenever a spouse asks you to sacrifice, it's that person's Taker talking. He's not caring for you at that moment. He wants to gain at your expense. We all make mistakes, but whenever your husband makes that one, don't oblige. Then you'll have nothing new to feel resentful about.

from Effective Marriage Counseling pg 112-113

What about Resentment?
One of the most common objections to to the POJA is that it creates resentment when it is followed. I agree; it does usually create some resentment. But far more resentment is created when it is not followed. An illustration will make this important point.

George is invited to watch football with his friend Sam. He tells his wife, Sue, that he plans to accept the invitation. Sue objects.

If George goes ahead and watches the game, he's guilty of independent behavior. He is not following the POJA and Sue will be resentful. When George does something against the wishes of Sue, I call her resentment type A.

If George follows the POJA and doesn't accept Sam's invitation, then George will be resentful. When George is prevented from doing something because of Sue's objections I call this resentment type B.

Which type of resentment makes the largest love bank withdrawals: type A or type B? The answer is type A, and thats why the POJA helps build love bank balances. I'll explain.

When G violates the POJA, Sue has no choice but to feel the effect of the thoughtless decision [love bank withdrawals] for as long as memory persists - possibly for life whenever the event is recalled. But when George follows the POJA, the negative effect is limited in time. It only lasts as long as it takes to discover an enjoyable alternative that is acceptable to Sue.

George lets Sue know how disappointed he is with her objection but is willing to discuss other options. Sue wasn't invited to watch football and doesn't want to invite herself to Sam's house so she suggests inviting Sam and his wife to their house to watch football. George calls Sam, he and his wife accept, and the new activity puts an end to George's type B resentment.

Type A resentment can last forever, but type B resentment stops the moment a mutually enjoyable alternative is discovered. Those with poor negotiating skills may have trouble seeing the difference because they have not learned how to resolve conflicts. They may feel resentment about a host of issues that have been unresolved in their marriage. But after you teach a couple to negotiate successfully, unresolved issues are minimized. Then it becomes clear to them that the POJA helps build Love Bank balances by eliminating type A resentment.

know her full name, her ex-husband's name and her place of work.

WH told me this, and that she's been divorced for a year. But he could easily be blowing smoke.

Do I keep quiet about my evidence of the affair until I can expose it with his friends and the rest of his family? Do I try to initiate Plan A with him?

Since WH comes home tomorrow, do you have any advice for how to approach him? Do I keep quiet about my evidence of the affair until I can expose it with his friends and the rest of his family? Do I try to initiate Plan A with him? I hardly know how to behave around him anymore, it feels so ugly and raw between us.