Thanks Mel! So glad you're back on my posts!

I agree, but would it hurt if I talked to hber tonight? Again not to give away anything, but to just talk. I only ask because we haven't really done that in the past four months. I mean we've talked but I have really haven't demanded or even asked her to end the affair. I have said I don't accept it but that's about it. I was just curious.... thanks.

Hi Mel, did you post the same thing twice? I looked it over but couldn't see anyting different, just making sure I didn't miss something. thanks!

Giraffe, who are your other exposure targets? What about parents, close family, etc?

And when will you be exposing to your kids? WHAT DAY?

What will you be telling them?

"Later in this week" could mean AFTER Thanksgiving and I think that would be a bad idea. This really needs to be done SOONER, not later, so that the dust has settled a couple of days by the time you sit down to Thanksgiving dinner.

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I reposted it because I thought we might have been posting at the same time and you wouldn't see it.

I don't see how you keep missing this:

Without exposure, chances affair ends approaches zero.

ZERO!

Come Friday, I hear this, "Well, the holiday went pretty good, I think I will wait some. What do you guys think?"

"I think I will try to talk to her again."

"With Christmas coming up, it doesn't feel like the right time."

I give.

I wanted to do before Thanksgiving but all of the kids won't be home until late the night before, so I was thinking of Friday.

Other targest or her parents (MIL lives close by but FIL is out of state). And OM exW.

G6

And, of course, "I don't want to spoil New Years."

"I hate to ruin MLK's birthday."

"Presidents Day just doesn't seem like a good time."

"St. Patrick's Day should be fun."

"April Fool's Day, that would be wrong."

Fair enough! I admit I have even questioned myself on this. However, this affair has gone on for a couple of years so she has made it through holidays with her family while still carrying on the affair so I think just keeping that in mind will help me to do this.... I truly just want to have my kids face to face when I tell them this.

G6,

Please listen to Mel...EXPOSE FIRST! Then, give her the requirements for staying in the marriage.

Another note I could've added to my post is we were on a beautiful drive yesterday, just W and I, when she said to me "Thank you for being my husband and creating a great marriage with me. Some days I feel I don't have to wait the 2 years to know I made the best choice to end my A and remain your wife. Do you feel it would be a mistake to walk away from all that we've created here, now?"

I turned to her and said "there are only 3 things that we make me leave at this point (NC initiated by her, another A, not working MB program)"

To which she responded: "I know, and they're tattooed in my brain and what I live by each day."

On a side note, G6...I hope we end up a success story, but even if we didn't, I know this:

I am a much better man, father, person becasue of this and the MB program, and I'll be okay, even without W if it should be. I can only control myself.

Good luck.

I would do it in the next 2 days. Any child that is not home can be told by phone. This is not something that has to be done in person. You WANT this all done BEFORE Thanksgiving so your wife can feel the discomfort on that day. That is KEY. Your family will be together and you want them all to know and you want your wife to know they know!

And you don't want it done the day before because everyone will be in an uproar. Tomorrow and today would be perfect.

Exposing BEFORE the holiday gives you a special STRATEGIC advantage that you won't have otherwise because your family will be together on Thanksgiving.

Do this STRATEGICALLY, instead of fearfully, Giraffe, or you are going to get worn down quick. You need this exposure to be EFFECTIVE. This is not a check the box and run kind of thing. It needs to be done right in order to be effective.

G6,

I exposed before a weekend of planned family events...services, soccer games, basketball games, a recital...perfect!!!

Immediate consequences of exposure, immediate 'evidence' of W getting off the fence (or not), and finding out on which side.

Listen to Mel's advice...

Be STRATEGIC, not AVOIDANT. That will bring you the best results.

You don't accept reality? You don't accept facts?
Your choice of words with your wife ("I don't accept your affair") is weak and ambiguous.

I think ambiguity might be your most prominent personality trait. You do not like taking a position based on principle, and holding firm. You are rubbery. You are uncertain. You doubt yourself. Mr Cellophane.

You should "accept" the fact that your wife is making preparations to replace you with OM.

When speaking to any wayward (wife or husband) one must use clear and very precise language.

If you ever do expose, do not do this, like some recently have.

When the fury from hell comes, do not say, "well, some people told me to do this."

You need to own it. You did it because you want to have a marriage, a real marriage, a good marriage, and that can't happen with this affair going on in secret.

Be a man, taking his wife back.

Silence is better than openly second guessing what you're doing.

Own exposure.

YES, I AM!! I know that, it's what I am struggling with!! Both my W and I are bad at confrontations, probably why we both have avoided talking about this. But I know it's up to me, not her to bring it and to say I wont' tollerate this and it has to end or else there's no chance for our marriage.

Thanks Pepper!! I appreciate the honesty but I already know that about myself and don't like it. I do believe in standing up for myself on principles, I just have a hard time actually doing it.

Thanks herb! I like the entire post! And yes, I will own it. Once I do this, if/when she goes off on me and asks what I'm doing, I plan to say, I am fighting for the woman I love, for our marriage, for our family, for myself!

G6

Thanks HTLD! I do second guess myself, a lot! I think I have second guessed almost everything I've said or done the past few months!!

Giraffe, don't use this as an excuse to put this off. It is more important for you to expose BEFORE the family gathering than it is to tell all your kids in person. They don't need to be told in person. That would be nice, but not necessary. In fact, it might be easier for them to get the news over the phone.

And be sure and ask them each to speak to your wife BEFORE Thanksgiving. She needs to know on that day, that everyone knows.