Maybe a redundant question, my saga has been ongoing for 7 weeks now. We went from a late night talk and how she did not love me anymore, to an odyssey of suspicions of an off and on relationship with an other man. Which this week was confirmed by a PI I hired as really nothing he could discover. So with that as a baseline my wife had simply had it in the marriage, did not want counseling, but now wants to meet one on her own, to have a better "relationship" with me. At first I fought the divorce because I thought her reasons were trivial and after 18 years we deserved more than 6 weeks to a quickie divorce. She kept waffling and finally about 10 days ago weeping said, "I don�t want to be with you, let me go.." So that is where we were at. We are filing and she could never have been happier and me well not the basket case I was 6 weeks ago but still depressed. I am more hopeful but very jaded about throwing my heart out there again for anyone to rip out and stomp on. My situation is not unique, men provided for family, focuses on that and not on emotional needs of spouse, spouse falls out of love and in love with someone else or the idea of someone else, the heart callouses and well woman initiates divorce in a quest to find puppy love and passion with another dolt.
My wife does make interesting quotes from time to time. "Maybe after a few years, we are in a different place, maybe date, we can start over and be a cpl again, I never say never." Is that the cruelest think you have ever heard? You could take that as an olive branch or just another masochistic exercise in power over my heart. I am getting healthy for me, but I am not playing the ..come chase me honey game with her and wasting one more moment. Her wanting the divorce tells me she wants me out of her life, sans the kids and wants another mate to start over with.

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Is that the cruelest think you have ever heard? You could take that as an olive branch or just another masochistic exercise in power over my heart.

No, you'd probably be surprised at just how many WW concoct this fanatsy that everyone is going to be "friends" and "happy" after the divorce. Guess it helps them salve their conscience. Simply tell her that after the divorce you're not going to be friends and that the only contact you will allow is as a result of coparenting and even then kept to a minimum.

Well we are going to keep it cordial but distant. I need that to heal. Amazing the life women, the Single Moms in their 40's think is out there. That the dating pool is filled with lots of great guys, that want to marry them and their kids and that life will be just fine, they can shovel their own snow, shop, work FT, clean, pay bills, take kids here or there and date and have casual sex with willing men who will drool over them. It�s a nirvana life of no commitments, hedonism and well disposable people and relationships. I still puzzled by it all, 18 years down the crapper because my wife felt the EN to be wanted by other men and feel romance novel passion. Wow what an education in the mind of women this has been, most of them do deserrve to be used and disposed of, becuase they will do it to you in heartbeat if their empathy ring of friends says they should and you do not kiss their behinds constantly. Yes I am bitter, I am sure lots of guys on here heard the same crap. I am going to enjoy watching her struggle, her and her smug face having to choose between fixing the truck or buying new sneakers for the kids. She wanted it, go at it babe, nice life to you.

I do think you can do your best to show you are not a lovebuster any more and tell her you want the marriage and not a divorce and yet....follow the road she is plowing towards a divorce by protecting your finances and relationship with your kids as best as you can while plugging along.
Try to refocus to yourself as you go.
Know that there MIGHT be another man you have not yet discovered. That it is possible even though the PI couldn't find one.
Be open to the possibility you might wind up together down the road but if your wife mentions the possibility again, make sure to tell her you won't say it isn't possible but you might have moved on and found another woman with time. Don't say it nastily (is that a word?) but factually.

I agree with what you are saying and I have totally stopped love busting and I have been nice about the divorce, us working together to get our finances in order. I agree and if followed my story in the other MB101 thread I always had my suspicions, the secretive texting and her clutching her phone even in the bathroom etc. But the PI followed her and bugged her truck with a VAR and took some photos of her interacting with the supposed OM and found NADA. But I still do not discount at worse a PA but possibly an EA, both of which 90% totally disintegrate when the man usually finds the WW wants more commitment from them after divorce and they think..Hey hon I never promised you a rose garden.
I am getting on with life, lost 18 lbs due to depression diet and eating well, back at the gym. Joined Jui Jitsu and well even had a gal, a friend of friend pay me a complement that she would date me in a heartbeat if I was divorced(Huge ego boost). I have left the door open to some later reconciliation or remaking of relationship, but it�s a longshot. I must admit that dating kinda excites me a little to meet new attractive women, without having to look at them and remember all the pain and hassle of my dysfunctional marriage. I am going about my life and if soon to be ex find me attractive, sexy, stimulating and the awesome guy she knew 19 years ago, well who knows, but she may have to get in line. Seems to be the MO huh, the dumpee gets healthy and very attractive to the opposite sex, stops pursuing the Dumper, Dumper wonder why Dumpee is not pursuing them and well Dumper feel any vestige of power over Dumpee is gone and now wants them even more. I read this in Love Must be Tough by James Dobson. I do not want her to grovel back due to finances or her getting burned in a post divorce relationship which seems to be why lots of women come back.

That is a pretty broad brush you are painting with there Hume. Not all women are like that.