Someone, I think on the divorce busting board, recommended this book. The subtitle is "Wife rejection in happy marriages", although it would apply to husbands as well. It is terrifying how much she seems to be describing my H - right down to the "You never let me do what I wanted" comment. She says, "These sudden departures or withdrawals are categorically different from separations or divorces that are rationally conceived. No discussion and no planning have preceded the breakup. The family's economic and social contract is operative one day, null and void the next. There has been no airing of differences, no attempt to repair the relationship, and no advance preparation for the welfare of the children. All communication based on reason and compromise stops, not to be resumed until and unless by accident, miracle, or act of therapy, the raging husband gives up his rage."<P>"Part of the description of a rejecting husband is that he is laboring under a delusion of being persecuted by his wife." That is exactly how I feel - he frequently accuses me of being angry at him, when he is yelling at me, can't understand why I am "dragging my feet". The psychoanalytical term for their anger is "narcissistic rage".<P>The worst part is apparently in many cases, it got worse for a long time, and it was years after the divorce before they showed any remorse. She was primarily reporting on worst case scenarios, however.<P>This book is out of print, but several libraries around here had it.

Thanks, Nellie. It could be very helpful for some of us.

Sidney,<P>I don't understand why the book is out of print so quickly, unless it is that people don't want to believe that spouses can undergo a personality transformation like that described, because then it could happen to them.<P>She seems to downplay the influence of the affair on their behavior - she mentioned several cases where the H had become remorseful at a later date, but didn't say anything about how that related to the termination of their affairs.

I read it last year and it described my father to a "T".<P>I thought it applied to my h., but with him it's more of a "I never got to sow my oats" thing.<P>He keeps mentioning his plans for our recommitment ceremony, planning the party like a blushing bride to be...<P>I keep saying, great, but we have at least a dozen more therapy sessions before I'm willing to set a date. Poor thing, he wanted to make it a millenium bash! He hasn't even cried over what he did to me, unless I'm crying first...<P>Anyway, back to the book--it's way too good to be out of print already.<P>LIZZIE<P>------------------<BR>When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. Isaiah 43:2<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by Liz Smith (edited November 01, 1999).]