I don't know how many of you have encountered this, but there is a term used by quite a few men and that is "the wife". This hit my mind today when I was shopping, ran into an acquaintance and he asked me "how's the wife"! It is not a "the", she is a "your', or by her first name. Maybe I am too old and too old-fashioned, but that term just turns me off. "The wife" in my case is not a dreaded "the wife" she is my wife with a first name. I've heard this references for years - 'the wife is expecting us to go out', the wife was upset', 'the wife' wants to vaction there', 'the wife' wanted a different color', etc. I have always referred to her as my or her first name. Maybe I am bring over sensitive, but Char is a "my" with a first name.

Tom

I think in some cases it's because the person can't remember his friend's wife's name.

When a husband says this, well...I've nothing to say for that.

I dunno. We say it in jest sometimes, but then again, we also refer to ourselves as himself and herself on occasion.

cv

Great post, Tom! I agree with you entirely. To me, "The wife" turns me into a possession. I imagine a man going through his house, showing it to someone: "Here's the couch, here's the lamp, here's the wife"

And why do we never hear "the husband"?

"I'll ask 'the husband' if he wants to go bowling." Nope, you never hear anything like that.

Does it actually make a difference because of the pronoun in front of the word wife? Really? I think you feel that there is some implied disrespect when there probably isn't any. There may be different reasons for doing this, perhaps the person feels using your wife's first name is too familiar. Do you get upset if someone asks you "How's the family?"

LOL! I know - it doesn't make sense, does it. It still hits a nerve with me, I can't explain it.

Doesn't the definite article denote possession or the fact that it isn't just another thing...

In Greek for instance, "the wife" differentiates between any ole wife. For instance.. The wife of CV, as opposed to here's my tv, here's "a" wife... etc...

I'm good with 'here's my wife'. Not so much with 'the wife'. Maybe because it edges so perilously close to 'the ol' ball and chain'?

I think 'the wife' has a negative connotation because it's so often used by people who intend for it to be negative. I imagine it with capital letters, The Wife, as a negative title like The Boston Strangler or The Unibomber.

It's the same in English, yanno.

The wife: a certain wife
A wife: any old wife
Your wife: possessive form, belongs only to you<<<this is the part we want the world to recognize

So, the objection is to implied or perceived objectification, rather than real or perceived implication of possession.

Though, in this sense, we are talking about possession of the figurative heart.


... Dizzy. What did I jus say?

With friends I would always refer to my mate as "my bride"; I think I may have done it here. With new acquaintances I often humorously introduced her as "my first wife".

After our '09 troubles I can't see the humor in that implied canonical listing anymore.

BTW: I understand the concern here among the ladies engendered by being "the" wife, as opposed to "my" wife. It would almost reduce the "wife" to a commodity, like a sofa, or dog. But, interestingly, I would aver that women are much less prone to refer to "the" husband. This probably traces back to the convention that the female of the couple had more ownership and pride in being "married" than the male - runaway grooms being so frequent that no movie needed to be made about them!

Lord only knows!!

Personally, I think "the wife" is sort of cute. If my cute husband wants to "possess" me I am all for that!!

I've always considered this a sweet endearment on your part.

In other words; PoJA.


/thread

I am recognizing now that this topic was senseless. It was just my bent. I should have been more specific that this was a term used by guys I worked with in summers in college on hometown street crew and construction. Just based on what I heard back came across to me they didn't respect their wives or felt they were hemmed in. Then later from a few colleagues when I went in to corporate america who seemed willing to play around referred to their wives as the. So I have just grown up with this term being an obligation rather than respect. Like a hinderance. In other words, the guys who used this term I really didn't end up respecting for the way they behaved even tho a few I valued fiendship with a few of them. Never heard this term from my stepdad when I was a kid and he had his friends over never heard it from her dad. The only other thing is a guy can cal his wife anything he chooses, just was reacting to 'the wife' comment by this character the other day. I hadn't seen him for a few months and he knows our situation is just that it rubbed me the wrong way.

Bottom line is that from my own view 'the wife' seems just classless and distant. And, I honestly will admit that I am prejudiced that guys who constantly refer to their wives as such are not really that elegant. Best way I can express that. Sometimes I feel I am getting to old to keep up with the young minds here and maybe too old to particitpate anymore.

Tom

Okay, Tom, but you gave us a great topic to toss around, which is also fun/enlightening! Thank you for that!

I second MB's thanx, Tom. (And besides, because of you, I have evidence that MB referred a quirk of mine as "endearing"!)

I am a possession, and I'm okay with that. If Prisca wanted to call me "the husband," that'd be okay with me.

But I think this came up before on another thread, and I asked Prisca about it, and found out she doesn't like "the wife," so I don't use it.

Yes. Really.

Whether or not someone is being disrespected is judged by the person feeling disrespected, not by the intentions of the one speaking.