Yep.

You could call this "analysis paralysis."

Or you could call it "a convenient excuse."

You could even debate about what to call it, and take your time thinking it over.

I call it "Fiddling while Rome burns."

When a new guy won't follow melody and pepper all I can say is he doesn't realize the quality of help he refuses to accept an act on.

1) Tell your kids, and everyone else of importance in your lives, then come here for the next step.

2) Keep on allowing the affair to entrench or wait for the truth to blow up in your kids faces, until you are ready to do something, then come on here for the next step.

G6,

Would you consider calling your oldest kid and simply putting out a feeler?

In other words call and say, �Son, what do you make of your mom�s behavior lately? What do you think is going on with her?�

Then see what he says. It opens the door for you as well in case your son suspects something or asks your opinion.

You can�t possibly be afraid of your son, can you?

Good morning sports fans, it is November 30th, and it�s time for our latest installment of the ongoing G6 exposure saga. This morning�s broadcast is being sponsored by Americajin, and now a word from our sponsor� Remember, two wrongs do not make a right, but three lefts do, and while you may [censored] your finger, you should never finger your�. Anyways, back to our program.

G6 as we have come to understand has a seeming aversion to the process of exposure. Our resident exposure experts have posted several times exhorting him to follow the steps but he has expressed that he cannot bring himself to do so, leading the experts to steer their flights into a holding pattern over Runway Exposure until flight G6 can get underway.

The G6 flight apparently got a tank full of low octane motivation fuel and efforts are underway by the sponsor and the rest of the ground crew to switch to high grade exposure aviation fuel that�ll have the G6 flight up and flying straight in no time at all on the first leg of his successful MB to Exposure City in the sovereign state of Plan A.

Stay tuned tomorrow folks as HelpTheLostDads sponsors our next episode!!!

I have considered that actually, and was talking to him the other day and thought about it. I wasn't sure I was ready to expose if he did ask questions etc.

I want to thank all of you for not giving up on me. I know you are frustrated. americajin, that was a great post regarding how I am handling this. And yes, it has turned into a bit of a soap opera type drama.

Not a lot more to add, but I do think it is time.... and for what it's worth I am closer now than I have been before. Thanks to all of you!! I'll keep yuou posted. I haven't been on here a lot because I feel like I am taking time form others who needs your advice and I am taking your time, but not acting.

Giraffe6

I'm not frustrated at all, G6, I am actually a pretty patient guy. I'll just wear your resistance down a little at a time.

I'm imagining myself in the position of your children, and thinking how painful it would feel to find out, and the pain of realizing my father hadn't felt I was important or adult enough to tell me. Ya know?

Truth and honesty is so precious.

Thanks americajin.... I'm sorry for making you work so hard to wear me down, that goes for all of you actually.... but it appears to be working

emilyann, thanks for your post. I do think it will be painful for them to hear this news about their Mom, but I do agree that me holding the secret from them isn't fair and could be painful as well.

quick question....

talked with my wife the other night about things. I said you know what you're doing is wrong. She usually agrees right away, but this time there was a long pause. And I said, really, you have to think about that? She said, well coming back was wrong I shouldn't have done that. But I guess she doesn't feel the affair is wrong anymore?!?!? she said well she feels the marriage has been over for 5 years and we're just married on paper. Wow, that is NOT her at all. I wonder if she really is done and I should just say get out then, or should I still expose to make her reality collide with her fantasy world.

Sorry, that was just a surprising conversation and I wanted to share. I have known my WW for 25 years, married to her for 24. I truly don't beleive she has been over the marriage for 5 years. Years 1-22 were much better than years 23-24 (while she has been having the affair). Of course it wasn't perfect, no marriage is. And yes about 4 or 5 years ago we went through a really tough time, but it wasn't so much "us" as it was problems we were facing (three deaths in the family, a cancer scare with one of our kids, put down two long time pets, I lost my job twice, and we moved several times). So, I'm just wondering if that all took a toll on both of us. Plus around the same time we were coming out of that stretch, the OM's marriage was ending, so it was kind of the "perfect storm" I just didn't see it.

Thanks, just wanted to throw that out there.

G6

yada yada yada



Why?

I would think this would make you want to expose NOW. You are seeing first hand the longer you wait the farther way she is going.....AND YOU ARE LETTING HER GO!

Whenever anyway says "my wayward wife/husband said"

I have to repress a sigh.

It doesnt matter what they say

It is ALWAYS either nonsense or a lie.

I get the feeling you are doing 'Plan Hope' giraffe. and that 'Plan Hope' means talking to your wife, listening to your wife and not doing anything to make her mad. Like exposure.

Then just hoping against hope that it will all be ok. That she will remember how you used to be.

It wont happen, without actions on your part I am afraid.

I am going to bump the 'never take the word of a wayward' thread as you need to 'get it'

+100

Keep delaying.

Why?

Do you enjoy that the OM and WW are doing IT?

I'll say this, and this is why WW answer has changed.

WW has lost respect for you because you are refusing to fight for her. You show that by not exposing.

Also they longer the affair goes on the strong the bond becomes between the affair partners.

You have lost your WW.

You claim to be upset that the OM and WW are in an affair.

You are afraid to expose because for what ever reason it boils down to the WW will get mad at you.

News flash.
Extra extra.
Read all about it.
BH is afraid to upset the affair apple cart because he fears WW will retaliate.
This reporter has to ask what can the WW do worse to retaliate?
How can she top doing IT with the OM for the umpteeth if not umphundredth time?
BH tell us.
Enquiring minds want to know.

BH doesn't have an answer. But agrees that doing nothing and not fighting is making her loose respect. I was thinking of talking with OM tonight with my WW with me. Would that be a good idea or no? I'm sure you're going to say no, just expose. I do like the thought of exposure. I'll tell you, just to be open about it. What makes me a little leary is it seems to be the ONLY answer/option here. I'm not saying I'm against it and certainly not trying to get everyone yelling at me Just askinga question.

No.

Its a good question actually.

The MB programme is very prescriptive. One part leads to the other like dominoes. Therefore if you skip one dominoe the next one wont work

It isnt like a pick your own plan.

The reason for this is that the nature of affairs is very similar. The waywards all act in a very similar way - like addicts. And it takes a number of stages to break the addiction. Exposure is usually the first step. Just as an intervention or saying 'I am an alcoholic' is the first step in AA.

Understand?

You still think you can talk OM or WW out of their adultery.

You~~~> <~~~ This idea

Has it worked so far?

Insanity = doing the same thing over and over and expecting (or , in your case hoping) for different results.