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He needs to be crawling on his knees... over rough broken glass, wearing a speedo.
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What's wrong with a speedo?????? (  )
Me BW (37) WH (37) DD1 6 yrs DD2 2 yr
A man who abandons his wife and children because of his infidelity is no price. I can do better then that, I deserve better then that.
The difficulties and struggles of today are but the price we must pay for the accomplishments and victories of tomorrow
Men must be honest with themselves before they can be honest with others. A man who is not honest with himself presents a hopeless case
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LINK to legend of 8 cow wife You, Holyheart, are worth 8 cows, at the very least.
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When will you ever know if a horrific WH like this defogs? How on earth can he think he can have HH back with all that he has done with her and the kids?
Is this man's crimes forgivable? Was it completely the affair that caused him to do this?
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When will you ever know if a horrific WH like this defogs? Consistency over time (years). He will NO longer sound entitled. He will think of the needs of his family. He will honor his obligations. He will work to develop a recovery with his wounded children. How on earth can he think he can have HH back with all that he has done with her and the kids? He's still thinking with his foggy brain. No one says it makes sense in the real world. Is this man's crimes forgivable? Are mine? Yours? Anyone's? Was it completely the affair that caused him to do this? Time will tell. The real question is, can this WH recover his soul and turn his life around.? Holyheart can hold her head high. WH cannot. Who wants a husband who has lost all integrity? Not me, that's for certain. Can he recover his integrity? I think he can. With God's grace. Only then. God is great. The marriage is dead, and stone cold. But, having said that, I pray for this WH's recovery .... for his children's sake.
Last edited by Pepperband; 11/21/11 11:46 AM. Reason: missing word was found !!!
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This story is still being written on the pages of time.
May Holyheart have clarity and strength and may all words from her mouth be golden and powerful from hard earned wisdom.
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What's wrong with a speedo?????? (  ) Nothing. Nothing at all. A speedo is my metaphor for 'transparency'. "NOTHING TO HIDE" LOL 
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What's wrong with a speedo?????? (  ) Nothing. Nothing at all. A speedo is my metaphor for 'transparency'. "NOTHING TO HIDE" LOL   Yeah, not much to hide with a speedo! Pep, you're a hoot!
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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((((HH)))))
My thoughts are with you HH.
And he is still arrogant enough to think that he can get you back with a text? No change there I'm afraid.
Right now you are the fallback, the consolation prize. I wouldn't be too surprised to see some back and forth between D!ck and Bimboo still going on. I think she will keep him on the end of the chain until she secures another dog. I'm sure she is putting him through the paces of making him beg, cry, buy more Tiffany jewelry, etc. She probably lets him back in long enough to get his breath, then boom, back out again. She's teaching him a lesson.
Not sure what I would do in your shoes. You had one of the worst. If he comes back, he comes back with a boat load of problems that will get dumped on you. Just be sure you are ready and willing to accept that should you decide to recover. It will take years and it sure as ^%$% won't be easy.
I am praying for you HH. You did not deserve any of this and neither did your beautiful children, who have also handled this with class.
I told Hope yesterday that I read something somewhere that went like this:
"If someone steals your man, the best revenge is to let her have him."
Cute, heh?
BS - me 56 XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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Good grief, I can't believe he asked if she wanted to stop the D. Sometimes it makes me wonder what goes on in their heads but then I'm glad I don't know because I would have to be just as sick as them. Maybe the fog is starting to lift but it is sure going to take a long time for him to work at getting HH back if that is what SHE wants. Good luck HH in whatever you decide to do. I'll put you in my prayers.
Still praying.
BW-me 47yrs WH-him 50yrs married 24yrs, together 25 yrs,DD 25yrs, DD 22yrs(granddaughter born 3/14/2012). D-Day#1 discovered cell phone calls 6/30/2009 D-Day#2 7/26/2009 Plan D 06/2012/WH served 8/17/12 WH left 7/25/2009/WH moved in with OW 7/29/2009 Trying to reconcile 12/30/2009/left 10/22/2010 2nd OW 8/2011? and living in Idaho. "Dochas" Gaelic for hope which I have with me at all times because it is tattooed on my lower back.
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Curious minds want to know....tap, tap, tap! How did you respond HH?
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"Yes. No.". Meaning yes to meeting and no to calling the d off. Still way too wayward for me to even recognize this man. You are right, Pep. I pray that he works on saving his soul. Actually that he comes to the realization that he needs saving and acts. I want him to be a good man and good father again. He just won't be my husband.
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HH --
I so admire your response.
The fact that he can't re-engage you shows how much apathy you have toward the situation. And that is a true sign of recovery. Indifference.
And I think it shows true class that you want personal recovery for him -- for the benefit of your children.
Bravo.
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That is the worst travesty of the entire affair - the wayturd throwing away the kids.
I tried to really examine this, and most people on this board that have the issue of an abandoner parent state it is due to several factors.
1) The kids aren't the Affair persons children, so the loyalty switches by the wayturd. This is more likely when the two are proclaimed, "Soulmates!" The wayturd regrets the original marriage, the children, the life built with the BS so much, and runs away from it all. The Wayturd wished they had met the affair partner first and had built a life with them.
2) The kids get in the way of the affair, costs too much, and cannot be bothered with anymore.
3) The affair person hates kids, has no desire to be in the kids lives, and the wayturd in an act of desparation abandons them.
The kids really do get the crap dumped on them. The wayturd not only does damage to them, but also to generations to come.
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"Yes. No.". Meaning yes to meeting and no to calling the d off. Still way too wayward for me to even recognize this man. Bravo ! I pray that he works on saving his soul. Actually that he comes to the realization that he needs saving and acts. I want him to be a good man and good father again. He just won't be my husband. Indeed. You are so wise.
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johnstwin-
"I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds my future." -Martin Luther
Remarried my FXH 25 years to the day of our first M. God is so good-and sometimes so unexpected!
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Just wanted to give a shout out to all my MB friends. I'm so grateful for you all. Your advice and support have helped me through the roughest crisis I have ever had to endure. Thanks for the posts. Thanks for the prayers. Thanks for your thoughts. Tidbits of posts often swirl in my head when I need it the most. So even though I'm on MB less and less and living in the present more and more, THANK YOU for being with me in sprirt. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your families.
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Just to make you smile ...  Often, when reading your thread title Plan B - A Vacation for WS? I see this instead .......... Plan B - A Vaccination for WS?  I'm not sure which way works best ????
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HH - when you have a moment, can you let us know if D!ck is defogging any?
Has he said he still has love for you?
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Oh no, no, no.
Not one word of love or sorrow or regret. The only reason he text about calling off the D is that he may have finally painted himself in a corner. And if he stops the D, then some of his sins get covered up for a while longer. And Holyheart gets stuck cleaning up the mess and walking on egg shells and bowing down to the king. I've been down that road before -- during the entire 2008 -- and I'm not going there again.
See... he's not changed. He's gotten worse and worse as the affair continues. So maybe they broke up for a while. Big deal. We all know that this will go on and on since neither trust each other and they are two selfish individuals willing to sacrific whoever gets in their way to get what they want.
Like School Bus has said. Until he's willing to make her wail -- break her heart -- and he spills his guts about the love gone bad and the regrets and the commitment to put his family first...
He's no where near that and I cannot see it ever happening. D!ck can't even talk to our children. He blames them, me, his parents -- everyone else -- except himself for his choices.
He's just been luckier than most that he's been able to access money to keep up the charade for 4 years. He's smart.
Today was his bankruptcy hearing for abuse. I wasn't there. The end result has nothing to do with me. He lied on his petition and he got caught. Sin without consequenses begets more sin so I'm hoping that something comes of this.
I'll keep you posted. But there is no defogging happening except I see patterns of the players changing. And I've changed, too. No more Mrs. Nice Guy with blinders on!!!
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