CD,

OW is a hunter, She sees your husband as a Trophy prize. She looks at this as a challenge. Once you are out, if that happens, she will lose interest in your WH. She needs a thrill....

Now as far as your employer. I don't know what state you live in and it may not matter, but they have only one choice.... You quit or they fire the other two. I would quit. The OW or your WH won't sue them.... They would have to explain to a judge the affair and your emotional state at work could be used as a justifiable reason. One question.... Have the owners even spoken to the OW or WH about their actions? Have they told them to knock it off!! If not, your case for emotional pain and hostile work place is a no brainer. They have been negligent and that is a big NO NO in the business world.

Do something....bc the probability of Plan B seems high in your case.

See an attorney about RO and support from WH if you quit job.

Keep posting your progress.

CD, what is your plan about going into Plan B? Are you looking for another job? You have been in Plan A for how long now? Quite some time. Plan A for a woman is supposed to last 3 to 4 WEEKS. Then Plan B is warranted. You will need to leave the job anyway because working with the OW makes it an impossible situation for any future recovery of your marriage.

What is your plan to do this?

And do you have the book Surviving an Affair?

Personally, if I were in your shoes, I would get the OW fired and kill the affair. Expose the affair to your HR and tell them this situation is impossible. Expose the affair to everyone else, including the OW's family.

But you have to make a plan here. Having no plan is a plan to fail.

And have you demanded he end his affair? CD, your timid approach is only serving to enable the affair. You are going to get nowhere with an approach like this. If you want to save your marriage, you are going to have buck up here and DO SOMETHING. Doing nothing will not save your marriage!

Hi MD,

I have been in Plan A for about 3weeks. I use to be very hostile to WH and our discussions would be those of anger for what had happened. Now I am being nice as pie and he is responding....visits my office for a chat a couple of times a week.

I will give plan A one more week then go into plan B. No, I don't have the book, "Surviving an Affair" I will order a copy and prepare my plan B letter. I am going to use his twin brother as the IM as he himself has been adversely affected by this affair and wants it ended. I have informed the twin of my plan and he is all for it.

The twin, his wife and I went to a party last night the WH would have felt the exclusion from his circle of friends as the OW is not welcome.
Thank you for your support x

Thanks CD. Do you and your husband live together? If so, what is the plan to separate? And what will you do about the job situation? Because you know it won't work if you continue to work there.

You sound like a smart cookie, so I leave it to you, but your IM needs to be neutral as switzerland.

Someone who can hear all the crazy stuff and not get mad, someone who has no agenda at all. They need to 'filter' and not let you hear any of the stuff theyve filtered out for you

Does his twin fit that bill?

We are separated.

We have a child's birthday party that we are both invited to on Sunday, he said he is going. I am going to instigate plan b the Monday or Tuesday

Hi Guys,

I have implemented plan B. I expressed that I was sorry for not being there for his emotional needs and creating the environment that helped cause the affair. Then, went on to say that I won't be talking to him anymore while he remains with her, as it disrespects what we had. If and when he choose to end the affair then he could be someone in my life. I will always remember the love we shared and the memories we created etc, etc.

WH replied via SMS said he doesn't blame me, that I'm a good person and for that good things will come my way and it makes him sad, he'll never forget me xx

Is WH response too accepting of my decision? Is he over me and the marriage?

Before I respond to your questions, CD, please answer this one: have you left the job?

Not yet. But I don't have to see him at work I can ignore and avoid running into him

You will not be able to pull off a successful Plan B this way. He is able to approach you at any time. All he has to do is walk into your work area and your Plan B is squashed. Ignoring and avoiding is not Plan B. You need to remove yourself completely from his life, which means leaving that job.

What is D Day? Divorce day?

Discovery Day. The day the betrayed spouse discovers the affair.

I agree working in the same place will just be to easy for him to see you and speak to you whenever he feels like it, his reaction might be that you are still in his life and he hasn't had to live without you filling some emotional needs for him, when that stops he is going to think differently, but that will take a solid Plan B, no contact what so ever, block his #'s, email addresses and have him contact a friend if he needs to discuss anything, you won't do it through direct contact in any way.
Let the OW fill all his needs if she can, sit back and watch it fall apart......they will see each other warts and all with no one to blame(you)
Go on being a great woman and take care of yourself and look forward to your future....make new friends, take up a hobby, a new group, sport.......
keep yourself busy.
jessi

Thanks Jessi and maritalbliss. I will try to keep busy, night time is the loneliest and brings sadness to my mind. My D Day was christmas day. It's hard to break the contact with WH but I know it's for the best.

CD. I am sorry for your pain.

You have had this A thrown in your face by two remorseless people for too long. Plan B will help you to recover yourself by removing their toxic behaviour from your life.

Please take control and find a new job. Cut all communication. Go dark.

This is your best chance to recover yourself and find peace.

xx

CD, did you write your WH a Plan B letter? If so, could you post it here(with names, places etc removed)?

You can't be in Plan B if there is ANY chance of seeing your WH OR OW. NO CONTACT MEANS NO CONTACT.

Did you expose this affair far and wide? Does YOUR family know? His family? Ow's family?

Your WH's response to you via SMS was a slap in the face. He was told that you didn't want to communicate with him and then HE COMMUNICATED WITH YOU. He is trying to break down your Plan B.

You should change your phone numbers, email addresses, etc. With no children, and having lived separately for 2 years, there shouldn't be much need for your IM. Does your WH pay SS? Do you own your home? Have you spoken to an attorney to find out about your legal rights? All of these things should have been taken care of BEFORE you entered Plan B. ESPECIALLY leaving your job.

My family knows, his family knows....and WHO knows what OP has told her family to justify their relationship.
I can see that he is trying to break plan B too. Tonight he sent me a message that read, " Craig ( mutual friend) has a good heart for you, I do too. I'm not a bad guy. Maybe I'm going through a mid-life crisis."
Of course I'm not replying! It amazes me how he can send these messages, must be when he is not with her.

I wrote my WH a plan b letter in messages via the phone because,. I gave him "true hearts letter" to read and as I felt it gave more devastating impact.

CD, I am very concerned that you are going about this in piecemeal fashion. This is a haphazard Plan B that may well backfire on you.

Your Plan B letter should have been personalized and should have come from you. Sending it in 140 characters over three or four texts took all the impact out of it. And just copying trueheart's words to convey this important message makes me wonder if you weren't interested in making the effort. Or is it because you know you wouldn't really mean it?

His number should be blocked on your phone. There should be no way he can communicate with you. You shouldn't be seeing anything coming from him.

We've talked about the job, and you obviously have chosen to live your daily life, peeking down the hall to make sure he's not coming before you step out of your work area. You'll also need to make sure they're not in the break room when you go to lunch. Or in the parking lot at the end of the work day.

I can't imagine how you feel this Plan B will work or be effective for you. Nothing has changed except the stress will be on you to avoid them at work. How can that be a good thing??

I also suspect that it is so watered down that he will easily erode any boundaries you put up to protect yourself from the two of them.

And the problem with inititating a weak Plan B is that the WS can easily see that you don't mean it. It will be business as usual for them in no time.

This isn't Plan B. This is Plan I'm Not Speaking To You. For Now.