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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
You say you've been examining the Marriage Builders materials, and realized that your wife is a freeloader? Or maybe a renter? She doesn't want there to be any requirements of her, or she only wants to do the bare minimum to keep you there from month to month?
What's the solution?
Here's the Marriage Builders plan for the problem of a marriage plagued by the Renter or Freeloader perspective. This is the plan Dr. Harley used in his own practice to turns freeloaders and renters into buyers:
Step one: restore romantic love
Step two: persuade them to adopt the buyer's agreement
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
There is a good chance you will have to defer the problem of your sexual fulfillment needs until you have solved a great deal of her problems.
Frankly, that sucks.
But it's true.
The good news is: she's not stopping you. You don't need to wait on her to get on board.
Better face facts and be realistic: if you tried to get her to join you in an equal exchange of meeting each other's needs, and it didn't work, then try getting her permanently past the romantic love threshold, then hold patiently there for awhile and see what happens.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,164
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,164 |
Tex can meet EN's and eliminate LB's until the cows come home, but unless and until his FWW buys into some MB concepts - specifically sexual fulfillment as a valid, intimate emotional need - it won't matter much. She doesn't need to know about or buy into emotional needs in order to be pushed over the romantic threshold. Once she's in love, she still doesn't need to think about whether or not it is a valid need. She'll want to do it anyway, 9 times out of 10. No thinking about or buying into anything is required on her part. This is not my experience, which I recognize is outside the bounds of the normal 90%. I'll leave you both to it.
Me - 44
DW - 39
Married 16 years
DS10
DS6
DD4
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