I know .. i see it too ... Its getting increasingly frusterating. I feel like an a$$ for feeling like I do. ALmost like I am shallow for feeling this way. Is this normal to feel like this? I feel guilty for even feeling like I do.

This reminds me of that vid I posted about "my response is my responsibility" But its hard to shake my negative self talk in my head about my needs feeling shallow and how emotionally disconnected I feel right now .. seems easier to just find something else to do til my wife actually desires me .. but i also know doing nothing will not create desire in her ... So conflicting. She feels good though ... cheery .. and such .. and I feel like a mope but dont want to ruin her good mood by my negativity.

I have recently had to change my diet too .. found out in my blood work that I am pre diabetic ... i am not even close to overweight. I am in great shape. but my blood work says my triglycerides are at dangerous levels .. i am depressed about my diet change too ... which is to get rid of sugar in my foods as much as i can to lower my triglycerides to a safe level again which makes all my meals .. very bland and i tend to feel low blood sugar a fair bit too as my body is used to having high sugar levels i guess in my blood.

I had some ECG's lately and My wife is happy that my ECG's turned out ok .. ( discovered i have aa irregular heart beat which is caused by a right bundle branch block in my heart which is electrical connection related and I may have a pace maker in my future if it gets worse) but during my testing process the blood work turned up these other things that I was not aware of as I mentioned earlier in this post about the triglycerides and pre diabetes. I should be happy the Drs feel my electrical block is benign ... but I am not.

I guess we will see how this weekend unfolds .. I really dont wana feel like I do and I feel like a jerk for feeling like this.

Hopefully tomorrow night out dancing will lighten us up a bit .. it will be our first date night since the beginning of december.

Sorry for ranting ...

MNG

MrNiceGuy - sorry you are feeling like this. You have been so helpful and encouraging on my thread-I wish there was something I could say to help. I am too much of a nembie to offer any MB advice-but I will pray for you and your wife-and be sure and get in lots of UA time this weekend!

RC

Yes. You can't expect to feel emotionally connected when you do not have enough hours together in order to create those feelings. It's amazing how quickly it can happen. Just one week of not having enough hours together can really screw things up emotionally.

UA really, really is the key.

She's not going to feel the sexual desire you want in her if she's not first getting the hours with you that she needs to be in love.

Make scheduling 15 hours together your priority. You don't even have to tell her that you're feeling dissatisfied -- if you get the 15-20 hours in on a regular basis, her desire will more than likely change on its own.

Thanks RC!! .. we all have our ups and downs .. I am just feeling the down side a bit lately. The holidays really did a number on us .. and the whole heart/diet/grandmas affair/dead person incident thing didnt help at all.

The positive side to this is that it will turn around eventually ... my wife is very onboard with MB and i have felt worse than this before.

I too hope that we can get some good love bank deposits in this weekend.

Your prayers and thoughts are appreciated RC.



MNG

I think I will have a chat with my wife about our UA time .. and not mention the sexual part. That part will probably fix itself once our UA gets better again.

I appreciate having this place as a sounding board ... it really helps.

Thanks Prisca .. your absolutely right. just talking here is really helping ... WAY better than marriage counselling!

Thanks for listening, reading and validating me.

You are a genius, you know.

LOL .. thanks markos. I really value everyones input. Especially when I am feeling low like i was today. At times like this .. it hard to see the forest sometimes when your standing in the trees.

So I had a chat with my wife .. I didnt mention my dissatisfaction so to not further complicate things and put her on the defensive and cause LB withdrawls .. but asked her how she felt and she told me she feels the same way I do about our UA time .. she sees it .. so i am glad for this. She told me that her stresses and anxiety about her new job just are not going away and constantly arrive at the front of her thoughts ... which distracts her from enjoying our UA time properly .. but she also told me that its getting better as she settles in. this is probably why date nights OUT, rather than finding something entertaining to do at home, help you focus on each other ... brings the relationship to the front line and its a distraction from the day to day routines.

Again .. thanks everyone. Time to go and make some love bank deposits and get out of this rut.

MNG

How's it going, MNG? Have you pulled out of the rut?

Good Morning! I am gald to include the word good in this sentence. WOOTS!

Yes .. the rut has been filled in. MY wife and I sat down and had some heart to heart .. and read some of the "draw close" book .. We both discussed how we have not been spending time together as often as we should and validated eachother in regards to how we felt about it. ITs been a tough few weeks and we have planned to put more hours in to our marriage again.

One of the funny parts of this though was that my dd13 overheard our conversation on friday (shes fairly versed in MB material now since we talk about it lots) .. and got up with my ds7 on saturday morning and told me to go back to bed to get some UA with my wife. I was so proud! So we got to catch up on some hours saturday morning which was great! DD13 then asked if she could take ds7 to the park to go play in the snow and she took him for another hour or so.

AFterwards when the kids came back from the park ( the UA was great btw! my wife attacked me as soon as the kids were gone out of the house! woots! )I took the kids outside to get them out of my wifes hair for a bit (so she could catch up on domestic stuff) and since it had snowed .. and my yard is sloped downhill a bit I made a 50ft+ long hill to slide on for the kids and we played on it for the rest of the day then poured water on it to freeze it for sunday.

Well .. Saturday evening came and my wife and I went out for some drinks and dancing and had a great time.. and dd13 babysat ds7 that evening and then let us sleep in AGAIN on sunday morning to get some more UA. DD13 totally understands our UA time issue .. and we rewarded her with allowing her our with her friends to go shopping and ice skating at the rink on sunday afternoon.

ITs amazing what the proper UA hours can do. Reading back at how I was feeling .. its hard to imagine I was feeling that low (rewritten history syndrome?) becasue I am not anywhere close to feeling like that now .. I feel recharged and ready to take on the week! So does my wife! .. shes very affectionate now and even told me how she was proud i didnt over react towards our lack of UA or have any sort of angry outburst. This has been the best UA time since before christmas. We both handeled it calmly .. where as situation like this before MB would have ended up as even more fights and more love bank withdrawls.

Venting here really helped me see where I was at and helped me not take out my frusterations at everyone at home. Thank goodness i didnt go down that path and very few withdrawls were made from my wifes love bank as i bit my tongue and worked through it respectfully and I was very proud of DD13 for recognizing our frusterations (she even told me that me and moms "energy" was not as cheery as it normally was probably due to lack of time together). Such a smart girl!

So .. all in all .. things are on the right track again. Thanks for listening/Reading!

MNG

p.s. EDIT: There was a thread i was following that started on MB 101 and got put in to SSA called "need help" and it disappeared. What happened? I was the first poster to mention that the situation on it was an affair and it ended up being so .. then it fell off the boards completely.

I wondered about that. I've noticed that I get a little cranky when Mr. Bliss and I have a hectic week and don't get our UA hours in.

This is hilarious!

The poster decided to be 'open and honest' with his WW and showed her this site & told her his user name. I assume the mods pulled his thread to keep him safe.

Thanks for the update maritalbliss. Its amazing how quickly the love bank drains when you dont spend enough time together. I am also very thankful and proud of my DD13 who has been amazing support in regards to our UA time. Since we have taken on MB our support from outside family has kinda dropped off the radar because they dont want to spend much time with our kids unless we do something for them first, which is sad ... and usually when they do take the kids .. they take them just before bed .. and then want us to come get them by 9am...

On a side note .. this weekend grandpa called us to update us on the grandma situation. GRandpa (step grandpa actually) wants us to allow DD13 to come up to his place to visit on her own ... he doesnt mention DS7 and this was disheartening. He claims it would be good for her to come up and see the horses .. but after my wife and I talked this over .. I came up with the conclusion that his motives for her to come up revolve around the chance that grandma may want to visit him if she comes up there (6 or so hour drive from our place). My wife and i discussed it and we think it would be awkward for DD13 to do this ... not to mention that DD13 also feels she wants to go see the horses .. but now feels uncomfortable due to a recent experience where she was sexually harassed on her way home from school by a 50-60 YO man. SO that experience makes her torn between wanting to go up and visit grandpa and see horses .. and not going because grandpa falls within that age range of the guy that harassed her as she has been enlightened that people notice her in ways she shouldnt be noticed as per her age.

What do you guys think? WOuld you allow your DD13 if you had one go up and visit? My wife and I think its a bit soon for visits of this nature but think if the affair stuff died off or grandma broke up with her AP but stayed single we would allow visitations up there where they live ... and my daughter was adamant about seeing the horses but now is not sure ... Wife and I don't think grandpas motive is very good .. AND hes a "single" guy now .. and talks at us constantly on how he needs a woman in his life .. it weirds me out to think about his thought processing on this situation .. even if it is harmless .. im not sure if its worth the risk. Or am I overreacting?

MNG

MrNiceGuy - I am so glad that you and your wife had a good weekend and were able to get back on track.

I really appreciate you posting about all this-it is good to see how seasoned MB'ers deal with the inevitable problems that come up.

As for your thoughts about Grandpa and your teenager-my general rule when making these kinds of decisions is if you have any kind of feeling in your gut-Trust it and act accordingly - Good luck!

RC

Thanks Raging ... your prayers were very appreciated. Yes .. even us seasoned MBers go through rough patches .. but as you can see we come back here for support to keep us inline.

As for the grandpa thing .. one of the things that got me thining about his motivation besides not asking about DS7 was he was gettingdefensive about our rights to keep the kids from Grandma ... telling us we cant just cut her off .. but that came out of nowhere after my wife mentioned that we were unsure if we would allow DD13 to visit up there at this time ... I was all like "whats grandma and rights have to do with DD13 and horses and her visiting grandpa?" hmmmm ...

So your probalby right .. my gut feeling is saying NO.

No. Nonononono. I wouldn't allow her to go with just DS7, either. I wouldn't allow her to go unless there was another trusted adult there.

Yeah .. My wife and I agree with this. We both discussed this and that was the outcome. If DD13 and DS7 are so important to him, then he will make the time to come and see us.

We just got weireded out that he was so defensive about grandmas rights when my wife chatted him up about it that it sent off red flags.

MNG

I don't know where you are, but if you're near North Carolina your family is welcome to come visit the horses.

Heck, if you're close enough I'd lend my pony to your daughter, since she's just holding down my pasture and I have no time for her.

Wow .. I appreciate your generous offer. I live in British Columbia, canada. So I am a bit out of the way to come visit I dont even have a passport yet. I may take you up on the offer though if I am ever traveling through the states! My daughter thinks she is a horse whisperer ... lol .. and compared to me .. she is .. she has done so much with horses .. the care of them comes so naturally for her. SHe told me once not long ago that she was born in the wrong time era ... lol ..

You are a bit far. I love sharing my horses and they love meeting people.

I did work for a few years as a trainer and horse whisperer, if it's something your daughter is serious about then there are career options there. I miss it dearly at times...

Hey Hopeful NC thanks for the reply. My daughter would love to have a career that centered around horses. She may apply to volunteer at a christian horse ranch when shes old enough.

I also wanted to post another update on the grandma situation. Seems grandpa is defending grandmas rights as a grandparent. He is all GUNGHO to get my daughter to come up there to see him this summer (strange he doesnt mention ds7 coming up though but i get it .. hes harder to handle) ANyhow ... Grandpa tells us that GRANDMA is thinking of taking legal action agasint us for what we did ... and for not allowing her to have contact with our children. SHe is apparently taking some course that teaches her what her rights are as a grandparent .. and what to do to go about making it happen so she can gain access to them.

WHY does she have to go and say this stuff??? Why is grandpa being so supportive/argumentative about this topic? Can grandma take legal action agasint us for not allowing dd13 to see her? This is SOO frusterating. Seems that rgandma wants a big fuss over this issue and grandpa seems to be on board with it somehow .. even tho they are seperated.

I am NOT a happy camper ... and I am beginning to resent helping grandpa because of how pushy on this subject he is being. I feel like cutting them BOTH off now .. GAH!!!!!!

Sorry .. im frusterated a bit today and wanted to vent this here to see what you guys thought and what grandma could really do if anything ...

Thanks for listening.

MNG

edit becasue I should know what to do .. but for some reason I am failing ...

It must be a monday ... sorry to bother you all.