I liked the answers of karmarose frank57 and iitl.

My 2 cents is that after exposure the fantasy crumbles and the WS can't justify/believe their own bull fertilizer the affair and so end it right away.

Then their is the WS that after expose continue believing their justifications because their an addict. And as any addict they will fight to keep their source of their addiction.

Some can quit an addiction cold turkey. Others have to detox, with a short relapse or two but will get clean.

Then there are those addicts that never get clean. These are the serial cheaters. Attention Hoes.

So what is hysterical bonding?

I'm with you on the fact that they have to 'be right' and show the the world how good the relationship really is. Not realizing the world is laughing.

Most WS do have a conscience, when their fantasy world is exposed for what it is there is a deep sense of shame that people know their dirty little secret. Those without a conscience could give a damn if you expose or not, as do those who really want out of the marriage but for some reason chose to have an affair first.

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I believe I read, but can't find it, that sometimes WS get really intense with their AP after exposure. I find the dynamics interesting, I'd like to know more.

I don't know if it intensifies, but some WS just take their affair deeper underground, while others want to show everyone wrong, that the AP is their one and only love and what they have is just SO special, and so they dig their heels in. Then of course are those WW who will end their marriage so that they can move out and wait for AP to finish his, which of course seldom happens.

I think people in affairs have to alter their value systems in order to live their new life model, they also do this so they don't appear to have breached it.
In order to conduct themselves in an affair and to get rid of the feelings they have of value betrayal they change their value system. Now excitment and pleasure oppose pain and discomfort.
Our value systems are made up of a set of beliefs that we all base our life models on. You have to alter both to have an affair. WS actually thinks he is a good person because the affair person tells him he is, they support each other in the new value systems.
When the affair is revealed their old value system comes back into play because the new altered model isn't realistic.......it starts from a placed that is flawed.
That flaw destorts all logic. The flawed model falls apart as soon as it is put to the real world test.
Now the WS spouse must exert colossal energy to keep themselves in the suspension of the disbeilf and self delusion.
When the affair is discovered there is no deyning the truth.
At this point the only source of acceptance and pleasure is with the OP.
The marriage also has moved away from the original value system and has become tarnish.
Flickers of reality start to flicker through. Exposure is the first time the illogicality of the affair's premise is exposed.
The WS defends the affair with dodgy logic. Because he has been a fantasy world, the WS has had no practice in providing a reasonable defense.
The WS feels threatened and humiliated. The WS becomes indignant at being challenged in any way.
Eventually the reality and logic of one's value system and life model they used to live by makes more sense.

I guess the wayward that do leave or intensify their affair relationships are just better at convincing themselves, that their new value system is the one that is right, they convince each other and support each other through all the illogical thinking and use entitlement as the new bases for their new value system(the one that says affairs won't hurt my family).........if they run and leave everything they are never faced with trying to explain the illogic of their affair.......

Some people can just ignore the little voice in their head and heart and work on a more selfish base in life...........me, me, me.

I think they all wake up sometime and will have many regrets, it will be to late for some.