|
|
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 9
Junior Member
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 9 |
It has never happened before. and i met this guy whom ia married. He was my cousins buddy and thats how we started being friends. However i guess it just happened that we were seating in a coffee shop and that was when it became so comfortable suddenly.
Laughters, we joked made fun of each other so randomly. We spoke about many things anything under the sun. Iam attached and he is married. He often spends time with his wife. We have never spoken of our feelings and neither have we had sex. We have been close only to the extend of kissing and hugging.
I know its really wrong. I never expected a chat in the coffee shop for this to happen. And i guess now i like him. I cant get him off my mind. I would have slept with him the day we were kissing and hugging but i can feel that he wouldnt want to complicate things as we were supposed to be FRIENDS.
i KNOW that its impossible between us. I cant help feeling so bothered and disturbed by it. When im with him its so fun so happy easy going and just chill and have dinner at a coffee house. Nothing more.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,757
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,757 |
What is it that you want advice about?
-- How to break up this guy's marriage?
-- How to get on "Jerry Springer"?
-- How to put yourself in position so that his wife won't plant an axe in your head if you keep this up?
Or are you looking for advice on something different?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 162
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 162 |
The great veterans of this site will be here shortly to give you more guidance.
I just have a question for you.
Do you want to be that person that will destroy this man's marriage? You are already doing so because you have developed an emotional and physical affair with him. Yes kissing and hugging is a physical affair. He's a married man..and you are attached.
You have to go No contact with this man or things will progress further and further...there is no more innocence to this.
Would you also like if your companion was doing what you are doing now?
No good will come from this..only hurt and destruction. Think about the OM's family..does he have kids?
Do you want to wreck their lives too?
Do the right and wise thing and break this off and confess to your companion what you have done.
He needs to know the state of his relationship with you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 581
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 581 |
The other mans wife needs to know.
Me -BS 40
Him - FWH 34 (dtl)
3 D-Days from 12/25/10 to 01/06/11
NC - 01/09/11
02/20/12 done beating my head on that wall.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 9
Junior Member
|
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 9 |
I dont want to destroy anyones life. i know it sounds contridicting as im doing the opposite of what im saying.
When i ask myself why do i like him how the hell did this feeling even develop. Im sure he likes me too otherwise on the night we kissed and hugged it was definetly able to progress but he was the first to stop and i stopped too.
I enjoy his company we talk we laugh about everything even about his wife or my bf whatever. This is totally wrong. There is no right in this at all and i have to admit that too. I keep thinking of him.
Is there even a possibilty that we can be friends and feelings will not develop. Or if we continue meeting things will definetly get worst even without a second thought?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 650 |
Then why are we even discussing this? No one here is going to tell you anything different. You ought to be ashamed of yourself for interfering in another's marriage. Just because he's a &^%$# doesn't mean you have to be also.
The one constant through all the years has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and it could be again.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Stay away from the married man! Don't act like a pig with someone else's husband. She will find out and come after you.
Do you want her to come after you? If you have an affair, you had better watch out for EXPOSURE! We will tell his wife to call you out, send out letters to your parents, friends, boss. She will get her mother in law to call you up and run you off!
This is what you are inviting into your life. Don't act like a pig with the married man.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 9
Junior Member
|
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 9 |
Is it also true that its worst as its not just about having sex. As in '' i only want to have sex with you " but now its about emotions. Honestly im very surprised that he didnt try to make it continue ( kissing and hugging) but both of us were like looking away. I guess as much as i know its wrong so does he. We want to remain the friendship but the emotional part has to stop!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Is there even a possibilty that we can be friends and feelings will not develop. Or if we continue meeting things will definetly get worst even without a second thought? Send this thread to the man's WIFE and ask her if you can be "friends" with her husband. LET HER MAKE THE DECISION.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Is it also true that its worst as its not just about having sex. As in '' i only want to have sex with you " but now its about emotions. Honestly im very surprised that he didnt try to make it continue ( kissing and hugging) but both of us were like looking away. I guess as much as i know its wrong so does he. We want to remain the friendship but the emotional part has to stop!!!!!!!!!!! You are having an emotional affair which is just as bad a physical affair. You need to leave the married man alone and NOT speak to him again. Don't be a cockroach at the table of some other woman's life. Get your own man and leave the married man alone.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 9
Junior Member
|
|
OP
Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 9 |
Perhaps he doesnt have any feelings for me. maybe its just me i dont know. shouldnt get his wife invovled or even him.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Perhaps he doesnt have any feelings for me. maybe its just me i dont know. shouldnt get his wife invovled or even him. You need to send this thread to his wife and ask her what she thinks about your "feelings" for her husband. She deserves to know you are wetting your pants over HER HUSBAND. She might have a thing or two to say about that. If you don't leave the man alone, she will find out and come looking for you. Do you want a visit from his wife and her sisters? Do you want his wife to call up your parents and tell them you are chasing a married man?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 335
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 335 |
Im sure he likes me too otherwise on the night we kissed and hugged it was definetly able to progress but he was the first to stop and i stopped too. LOL You fell for that old trick?
BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 162
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 162 |
I dont want to destroy anyones life. i know it sounds contridicting as im doing the opposite of what im saying. This is like saying.."I don't mean to shoot you" as you are aiming the gun directly at them and firing. Don't delude yourself. I bet if you told his wife this..the glamour of having his friendship would lose it's luster pretty quick.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 6,986 |
It has never happened before. and i met this guy whom ia married. He was my cousins buddy and thats how we started being friends. However i guess it just happened that we were seating in a coffee shop and that was when it became so comfortable suddenly.
Laughters, we joked made fun of each other so randomly. We spoke about many things anything under the sun. Iam attached and he is married. He often spends time with his wife. We have never spoken of our feelings and neither have we had sex. We have been close only to the extend of kissing and hugging.
I know its really wrong. I never expected a chat in the coffee shop for this to happen. And i guess now i like him. I cant get him off my mind. I would have slept with him the day we were kissing and hugging but i can feel that he wouldnt want to complicate things as we were supposed to be FRIENDS.
i KNOW that its impossible between us. I cant help feeling so bothered and disturbed by it. When im with him its so fun so happy easy going and just chill and have dinner at a coffee house. Nothing more. Hang on while I check something... yup, the sign on the door still says "Marriage BUILDERS." You won't find advice here to help you carry on this affair with a married man. You already know the answers to your "questions" so why are you REALLY posting? We know, do you? My advice. STOP IT! P.S. (Aside to other MBers-- is there a full moon or something?)
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
I dont want to destroy anyones life. i know it sounds contridicting as im doing the opposite of what im saying. Hi, charmedling. I have a suggestion. It sounds like you have a motivation problem. You don't want to destroy this lady's life by interfering in her marriage, but you know that what you are doing is contradictory to what you desire. I know an expert psychologist who can help you with this motivational problem. He has forty years of experience as a clinical psychologist, once ran a chain of mental health clinics across Minnesota, once ran a successful dating service / relationship advice service for dating singles with his wife, gives expert relationship advice, has saved hundreds if not thousands of marriages, and is the founder of this website. His name is Dr. Willard Harley. He is the author of the best selling relationship book His Needs, Her Needs, along with several other great books. Dr. Harley has a daily radio show called Marriage Builders Radio, which he hosts with his wife, Joyce. You can email Dr. and Mrs. Harley about your situation and they will be happy to give you free expert advice on the air. They will probably also send you a free book to help you with your situation. The email address to get in touch with Dr. Harley is mbradio@marriagebuilders.com .
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,757
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,757 |
Charmedling, I got into an emotional affair once. I also tried to fool myself into thinking I could end it while "still keeping the friendship." Plus an occasional hug, of course. Or two. In other words, while still remaining in contact with the other person. While keeping it all secret.
It didn't work. It doesn't work.
Where I ended up instead was in a full-blown affair. It almost cost me everything that matters to me. It almost cost me the best woman in the world. (And by the way, since I suspect I can't appeal to your current decency, let me also tell ya that once we got found out & I had to confess to my wife, I dropped the other woman like she was a jar of anthrax. Having an affair didn't bring her happiness in the end, and it won't for you either.) Foretold is forewarned.
The way you break such an infatuation is to never have any further contact with this man. Just like cigarettes -- the way to quit is to quit.
It would also help if you had the courage to tell his wife what's been going on. That may give her information & the chance she needs to save her own marriage. If you care about her as a human being, you will tell her the truth. There is no moral justification for doing otherwise.
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 651
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 651 |
P.S. (Aside to other MBers-- is there a full moon or something?) I think there's something fishy going on.
Me: BS 51
Himself: WH 53, EA/PA w/ RunnerSlut his "running buddy."
Buncha' kids. The two youngest are still minors.
Separated: 08/13/09 after 25 years of marriage
Plan D: Filed 11/13/09 Final 3/30/11
MC told me that he probably has a personality disorder
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,956 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,956 Likes: 1 |
I knew in my teens that I would never date a married man....because what he does behind his wife's back, he will one day do to you.
When you look for a marriage partner, look for an unmarried person of high integrity who carries himself with honor. A man like that usually looks for a woman of similar character. So be that person, not the kind who steals what belongs to someone else.
Married 1980
DDay Nov 2010
Recovered thanks to Marriage Builders
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Perhaps he doesnt have any feelings for me. maybe its just me i dont know. shouldnt get his wife invovled or even him. You kissed and hugged her husband. She needs to know that. I would send her this thread and tell her what you did and ask her if its ok to be "friends" with HER husband. I hope she doesn't kick your [censored], but that is the risk you take when you mess around with someone else's husband. Do your parents know you are sleazing around with some married man? Send this thread to his wife. Ask her opinion.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
430
guests, and
63
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
