Well, things have gotten much worse. After our talks on Thursday and Friday nights, as well as our Friday afternoon couples counseling, W has decided that divorce is her only option. I got blasted by her for offering alternatives. She said I was trying for force her to make a decision and our counsellor seemed to agree. I knew the session was off to a bad start when, after my saying something to the effect as to how much I loved W, our counsellor said, "Many couples who love each other get divorced"!<P>Anyway, we spent part of Saturday and this morning discussing property settlement issues and so on...There is a lot more, but I won't bore you. The purpose of my post is to pass along a message that was on a card I gave to her this morning. I bought the card in May during a particularly bad time and something told me that the time would come when it was appropriate. After reading the card, W disappeared for 15 minutes and came back to me in tears. She cried for an hour with me holding her the whole time. She told me several times that she loved me, once "I love you so much". It is really too bad when love exists at the level it does between us and we are still splitting up.<P>Anyway, again, enough of this. I wanted to pass along the message that was on the card. When I read it in the store, I cried unashamedly....Here goes...<P><BR>I'd like to smile<BR>And wish you good-bye,<BR>But I can't....<BR>I've practiced,<BR>But the smile always dissolves<BR>When I think of how it will be<BR>Not having you around.<P>I know I'm being selfish,<BR>But it shows<BR>How important<BR>You've been to me<BR>And how very much<BR>I'm going to miss you.<P><BR>When someone <BR>as special as you leaves,<BR>They're bound <BR>To leave an empty space<BR>Which will be<BR>Very hard to fill.<P>But I do wish you well,<BR>And I will say good-bye....<BR>But don't ask me to smile,<BR>At least not yet.

Egad!!<P>Where'd you get that card? It doesn't sound like your typical Hallmark, ya know?<P>Beautiful, and exactly how I feel about my H too...<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by new_beginning (edited October 31, 1999).]

(((((heartpain))) I am so sorry to read this. You have tried so very hard. <BR>Sounds like we went to the same counselor? I had a couple that were pro-divorce. Not good at all. <BR>Thinking of you, cl

NB - You won't believe this, but it's a "Personal Expressions" card by Hallmark. I bought it in of all places, a Safeway grocery. That card expressed in a way I could never, exactly how I felt.<P>There is a very, very small chance that it's not the end, but it's close.<P>cl -- The counsellor seems to be pro-marriage. In the first session, she said that in her couples therapy, she treats the marriage as the patient rather than the spouses. She has been W's personal therapist and I think that is why she sometimes says the things she does.<P>Your thoughts are valued more than you'll ever know...<P><BR>I will survive this.....either married or not.

hp it aint over till it's over but i know how you're feeling...i have been feeling extremely sad because i have been thinking about how my life will be without w...she has filed for the d and i'm not sure what's going to happen...the mere thought though makes me sad and depressed i can't imagine my life without her...anyway i liked your card it says it pretty well...i feel your pain and just wanted you to know that your boat is not empty...there are many of us i'm sure in it...good luck and hang in there much peace and love...trying hard<BR>

Trying hard -- I really appreciate your thoughts on this. We are really close...D could be final first or second week of December.<P>You are right "It ain't over 'till it's over", but even Yogi has been in a game 5 runs down bottom of the ninth with two outs. It takes a miracle.<P>I know what you mean about the boat. Just reading most of the posts lately is as depressing as my situation. The boat is getting full, we don't have enough life preservers and, by the way, have you seen any oars???

hello heartpain,<BR>reading between sewing halloween costumes for the grown kids! I thought this part of motherhood would be over when they graduated hs? <BR>The boat is getting full, water up to the gunnels, and the oars are your ability to love. You have not lost that. In fact, it may be just that ability that helps you survive this and grow stronger. First love yourself hp. (((hugs)))

cl -- thanks for the hugs.....<P>So the water's up to the gunnels, eh? Must be why it's so hard to row(after you showed me where the oars were)...