You send them private messages. One at a time, spaced 60 seconds apart so facebook will not shut you down for flooding.

Who is on your exposure target list? Did you read the post in my signature? It has ALL the letters and the best practices.

please tell me how to send mass messages like that even if they aren't my friends

You click on that person's name and it will bring you to their default screen - wall or info or whatever. It might say this person doesn't share information with everyone - that's okay.

At the upper right there are buttons for 'add friend', 'message', and a little gear box. Click on the 'message' box and paste in your exposure message. Note: some users have their privacy/security dialed way up and may not have a 'message' box available. This is okay, make a note of them, move on to the next one, and come back to them later.

You don't have to be someone's friend to send them a private message. And you can't send mass messages. You have to send them one at a time, spacing them out 60 seconds apart.

You really need to keep us in the loop here so we can help you do this right. What are you doing?

well, um [censored] hit the fan before [censored] hit the fan (exposure). melodylane, id like to contact you by pm later tonight if thats ok. it hit the fan in my favor btw.

I would still expose ...

PM's don't work here, but you really need to post an update so we can help you through this.

im on my phone. she basically said i win and i can have her like this-sobbing, broken, etc. she was texting the guy. is this heartbreak, or does this come with the territory?

ill give all details later on my pc. i was basically-i won. i said its not about winning but about family and teamwork-evolving and growing together

Hang on d8. Have you given her your list of requirements for her return to the marriage? You're not just letting mosey back in, are you??

She is trying to stop you from continuing your exposure because you are interfering in the affair. See, exposure will RUIN her affair, so they have to persuade you to STOP. The worst thing you can do is STOP. The affair needs to be exposed if you want to kill it. Expose the affair to the OM's wife, her parents, your parents, friends, and children over age 4.

DON'T STOP. If you stop now, you will not kill the affair, you will just drive them further underground and they will hide it better. If you don't get to the OM's wife, he will tell her you are some crazy nut job so she won't believe you when you do speak to her.

FINISH YOUR EXPOSURES.

The Aftermath
When things die down somewhat, it is important that you present a PLAN to your WS for recovery. The next step is to lead your marriage out of the ditch.

First step is to DEMAND your spouse end the affair.


Ask him/her to send a no contact letter to the OP that is written together, approved by you and mailed together. [template below from SAA]

Set her down and explain to her that you want to have a romantic, loving, SAFE marriage and that you won�t stay in a loveless marriage. Tell her you are willing to give her an opportunity to earn your forgiveness. In order for the marriage to recover, certain things have to happen. This is what it will take to keep you interested:

1. end all contact with the OM for life

2. no more nights apart or going out without each other - create a healthy, integrated lifestyle

3. complete transparency - cell phone passwords, etc

4. no more opposite sex friendships

5. complete honesty about her affair<s> � passing a polygraph

6. commit to the Marriage Builders program for recovery as outlined in the book Surviving an Affair.

Tell her "this is what it will take to keep me in this marriage." Whether your marriage ends up with success or failure will depend almost entirely on her willingness and ability to make radical changes. Her lifestyle must become absolutely transparent, holding nothing back. She is in no position to negotiate when it comes to extraordinary precautions, because those precautions are designed to prevent another affair and help you feel safe. She must also meet your emotional needs in a way that until now she has failed. Unless she makes a 180 degree turn in her approach to what it means to be a wife, your marriage won't recover, it will be a crippled version of your pre-affair marriage.

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking this approach, because if she won't do these things, you will have lost nothing except a loveless, abusive marriage.