He isn't happy still about going to see his dad. He punishes (my word) his dad by refusing any and all suggestions (Chuckee Cheese/vacations/ride 4 wheelers/buy a guitar) to have any fun together. I talked to ds11 about not letting his resentment of the OW ruin the time he has with his dad. That he could appreciate that his dad is keeping OW away from him...although apparently he texts and takes calls to OW while ds is there. However, ds's position is he is disgusted by his dad's continued involvement with OW. He sees it as proof that his dad doesn't think he did anything 'so' wrong and if he did he isn't sorry.

That conversation with ds was after XH dropped him off Saturday at 6:00 and called me to tell me how he didn't know what to do about ds. I listened and did my best to be sympathetic and managed to not mention OW ONE time.

Sunday afternoon, before I too him to his dad's for the afternoon, ds asked me if I thought Chuckee Cheese was too babyish. I assured him it was not and told him I thought he could have fun there with his dad. So they went....and had fun. BUT big fight at some point during the day.

XH fixed a big meal and told ds that he had invited OW over. ds emphatically told his dad he didn't want her to come. She didn't come and not another word was said about it...(ds didn't even hear his dad talk to OW on the phone afterwards, but maybe he texted) Anyway, ds and his dad had the big meal, then went to Chuckee Cheese. On the way home he told his dad he didn't want him to keep seeing OW. Ds said, 'There are two possible scenarios. Scenario one: You can keep seeing OW and I will be very unhappy and when I turn 18 I will just probably never want to see you again. OR Scenario two you can STOP seeing her and get a different girlfriend and I will want to be around you.'

I am just gobsmacked at his ability to express himself. He said his dad was totally silent. They stopped at sonic and ordered drinks. Still silent. Got their drinks, headed to the house and just before they got home XH says, 'ok, I'll think about it.'

Ds was so happy. He came in and said immediately, 'Dad said he will think about not seeing OW anymore.'

He also brought the leftovers of the meat XH had prepared. I texted XH and said, 'thanks for the meat.'

Also, he had forgot to transfer child support to my account and I mentioned it to him Saturday evening. He apologized and I said,'oh, no big deal.' So my kindness coupled with his son's insistance that he stop seeing OW....who knows....maybe he will wake up and start living right.

I hope so for my son's sake.

I LOVE THIS KID!! What a bright, articulate, MORALLY MATURE child. Give him a big hug for me. That is just awesome!

Someone should send this radio clip to your husband: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=2233

Not to be a buzzkill, but I hope son isn't putting to much weight into the words of a wayward. Son may need to be reminded to discount WH's words and only get excited based upon his actions. Words are cheap. WH may end up "thinking about it" for a few more years.

Actions over words. I hate to see him get disappointed...AGAIN.

Mr. W

Yes, you are right about this. I did in fact say to ds, 'Well, son you can't control your dad, but I am very proud of you for being able to say how you feel and state your personal boundaries for what you want to put up with. And that is all you can do.'

Arrgh! Your WxH has no intention of quitting OW just because his son said that. He continues to deceive your son. I hope your son doesn't hang too much hope on that.

But yes, you are growing a very moral and grounded child. Good for you!

Ds asked me yesterday, 'When I was little did I want you and dad to get divorced?' I was immediately on high alert...and said, 'IDK, why do you ask?' He said, 'Because dad said that is why you guys got divorced...or part of the reason.'

I was sooooo mad. Controlled myself but told ds that was a VERY cruel LIE his dad told to him. He said, 'but you used to fight over me going to public school.' I said, 'yes, but that isn't what caused the divorce son. You KNOW what caused the divorce so don't listen to your dad's lies and justification for what he has done.!'

Grrrrr.

Oh and I talked to OW's BH yesterday...he is moving on nicely and I'm happy for him. But he hasn't been able to sell the house he owns with his WXW....well, last week she tried to get a loan to buy it! She was turned down. What is interesting is that my WXH refinanced last month! (I know because he asked me to provide proof he is current on cs).

Sure doesn't sound like two people planning to spend their lives together. What is up with these people? Why waste your time especially when your own child is BEGGING you to stop seeing the OW?

Don't wonder (bout the ex or the OW).

Though you have remarried and are doing pretty well, D-day was not that long ago for you. You must continuing to learn to refocus on other things. Disconnect more.

Your ds is a heck of a little guy! He is still trying to sort stuff out as any kid in his situation would.

I do well until it affects my son.

It has been 2 1/2 years since my D-day. Wow a lot has happened!

SW,

Glad to here things are generally going well with your family! I completely get your last post; I could care less what my STBXW does with the exception of when she does things that hurt the kiddos. Kind of hard to disengage completely when their failures affect the ones you love.

T

Travis,

Your back, could use an update on your thread


SC

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stillcommitted,

I never really left; I've been lurking. I did however have my thread deleted because I was afraid what I talked about there might be used against me by STBXW in some way. So, no update other than things are fine and should be final in a few months time. I did however feel compelled to post to SW; I know how awful things were for her and I'm very happy for her that life has changed almost a full 180 degrees from where things were two years ago.

I am glad to hear things are winding down for you; I know it's been a long time coming. Hope all is well with you!

Travis

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