Well, when I get a chance to come visit, we'll see. And I need to meet your mum. She sounds SPECTACULAR.

y'know she really is.

I am pretty lucky. We were shopping tonight actually.

First we were cooing over - MY NEW BABY NIECE and her new gradaughter. The little nameless one (mum and dad are trying to POJA that one) slept in the crook of my arm for a bit, quite content. Then mum and I went out and spent some money on pretty much anything that happened to be pink.

I am so happy this little one has arrived just before Christmas. I love my mum and dads house filled with all the kids. They are all really clever and pretty - completely nuts of course, but cute. I am responsible for bringing the gingerbread house which the kids demolish after Christmas dinner. I cant turn up without that - I would be toast.

Babies and shopping - is there possibly a girlier day than that?

Congrats on the new niece.

I LOVE watching the kiddos demolish the gingerbread house. Much better than demolishing MY house. I also love watching them decorate it, they have so much FUN. Are you going to let them put all of the candy and stuff on it?

Surround yourself with family and make new memories. It's gonna be tough, but find the good moments in there too.

This year the older two - my nephew who's six and my niece who's five - could do it, last year they were a bit too unsteady.

However my nephew is only really interested in demolition methods - BOYS!

So it may just be me and the niece, unless he wants to pitch in

Thats ok, I have a puzzleball globe for mr demolitionball, so he will create something this Christmas!



Maybe this is hopelessly naive, but im not dreading Christmas at all. Maybe because softlad was not all that into Christmas and always felt like he had to do family stuff he wasnt really into.

'Our time' was in the morning when we had breakfast and exchanged gifts. This year I am going to be very busy Christmas morning an I have learned from the anniversary etc that as long as I am happy and busy I am more than fine.

One date I am quite conscious of falls on Wednesday. It is the six month deadline I set for myself when I first went into Plan B! As it turns out, I do feel much better, as I had hoped, but Plan B will go on regardless.

So far I dont feel down that softlad hasnt contacted me within those six months. I judge him for it - but it doesnt really affect my mood. That in itself is strange and I hope I dont have hidden feelings which are hoing to hijack me on that day. I feel removed from it though.

My work party is on Saturday and I hope I am not down that day as I am really looking forward to it. Having something fun lined up should help me through anyway.

You sound great Indie. Keep it up girl.

Oh god.

Just had an awkward encounter on facebook. Its a co-worker who is moving away. He sent me a message saying 'I am always too tongue tied to say, but I really enjoy spening time with you'.

He did give off a few signals at a work function a few weeks ago which caught me off guard - Id never guessed he was interested before. But because I was pretty aloof and he backed off, I thought he'd got it that I wasnt interested.

Just sent a message back saying I had barely begun divorce proceedings, didnt feel that way, advised him to look elsewhere because he would be wasting his time.

This is so aggravating for two reasons:

1) When does a FB message in which someone describes themselves a 'tongue tied' (i.e. im not going to be upfront - ill leave that to the lady) pass as a manly way to approach someone? Man up, find someone SINGLE, ask them out, directly and in person and be cool with the possibility of them saying no. Dont lay yourself out like a too-shy charity case who cant bear a rejection. Plus, if he's moving away, what kind of relationship is he proposing?

2) To most of the world I am seen as free and single. I have to deal with crap I am not ready for as a result. Whose fault is this? Ah yes, softlads.

Though to be fair to him, when he was discussing ending our marriage so we 'could be better friends' he did offer to vet boyfriends for me 'to make sure no one takes advantage'. My reaction at the time was floods of tears, but now I wish I had said. YOU ARE DOING THAT NOW - AS MY HUSBAND.

Is it ok if I break Plan B to go throw eggs at Softlads house?

Just kidding.

Well sorta......

No I am kidding.

maybe.

It was nerve wracking sending a blunt reply to that tentative feeler he sent out, too - but

Do boldy what you do at all.

Right?

Oh my god it doesnt rain but it pours.

Just had my MiL on the phone. Drunk and emotional (she is Irish) Says she loves me and misses me and that what her son has done to me makes her sick every day.

We've always been the best of friends. I even said to her that when I get a new husband im bringing her in as the mother in law, cause I couldnt do better.

I made her laugh, but she said that shes bought me some christmas presents and she cries whenever she looks at them (she always spoiled me rotten at christmas)

She started saying that softlad was a lunatic and a 'gobshite' and it was impossible trying to talk to him. I then told her I couldnt hear a word said about him and she said she didnt blame me.

She congratulated me on my new niece. Said that it must be lovely for my sister who has two boys to have a daughter now. I felt that was bit poignant because she has three sons - and I was her daughter, kwim?

We arranged to meet up for a drink. She said she really wants to see me before Christmas. I will have no trouble getting her to honour Plan B and not speak about him. But she doesnt know all I did. She doesnt know about the 'love letter' or Plan B letter I sent softlad. All she knows is that I insisted on NC with our 'good friend' the black widow and when he was stubborn I kicked him out.

But she said our get together was just about me and her, anyway.

Sounds like you had a couple of bumps in the road Indie.

As for the co-worker, don't spend another second on him. Clearly too immature to ask you in person, and very much not respecting your boundaries. Just be glad he's moving away so you do not need to encounter him on a daily basis.
Personally, I would defriend him from FB. No-one needs mates like that.

As for your MIL, that's a tricky one. Mine is lovely, and for years I had a better relationship with her than with my own mother.
If she is important to you, and she respects your boundaries I'd say by all means meet her for a drink. No point letting your WH destroy more relationships with his gormless actions.

You'll be fine, you're a though 'un.

Your killin me Indie

Yeah coworker is really a winner huh?

Jeez

Your MIL sounds sweet, all boys huh? That musta been rough, specially all Irish ones, my great grandfather was off the boat here in the colonies, across the pond ya know

And my surname is English whot?

Your gonna make it Indie, like a bad penny

God bless you in this holiday season

Yeah sorta

Just kidding

Well kinda

Lol

I cannot bear wimpy men. I dont care if they are housework obsessed self-made milionaires with a face sculpted by Michaelangelo and the dance moves of Fred Astaire.

If they have no backbone, they are as much good as a chocolate teapot.

Even if I had been single, co-worker's method of approach is shocking.

What he did with that FB message is to invite ME to ask HIM out! and he also implied that he was so highly strung that he couldnt even form the words - so how exactly is he going to receive a 'no' then.

No pressure mate.

When I was single I loved being asked out by someone who knew how to do it.

My h told me he really liked me and that if I would go out with him just once he promised he would make me laugh

I said no, because our friendship was too important, so he said . OK, im just going to go home and tell myself Im proud of myself for having the guts to ask out a girl like Indie!

It was easy, comfortable, I knew I could say no without it being a big deal. I knew he was interested and confident enough to say so.
THAT'S how you do it.


Getting an 'I'm tongue tied' message - you fill in the blanks!
I pity the poor girls that one works on.

I'd go throw eggs.

But that's probably not MB.

So ignore me

Yeah sensitive is nice, but geez, confidence is nicer don't ya think?

Sounds like a " Wolf in sheeps clothing"

Who sells themselves as miserable lonely and scared?

He doesnt get it huh? Lonely and scared are a given, miserable is a choice

I was thinking the same exact thing...

I know I will dream it anyway!

Im after both. But sensitive of my comfort, not sensitive about covering his own back.

Wow I cant believe how much this bothers me.

I guess it is the proof all right - there are NO decent men who would approach a still-married woman.

This is the second offer so far, since being asked out by my niece's grandad, who is 20 years older and a serial wayward.

Bingo.

Hang tough Indie, and know that you are be worth a man who has higher morals. I'm sure you already knew that anyways.

Some days there are moments you realise how far you have come in a short space of time.

Someone put a Christmas card through the door to Mr and Mrs Indie, number 8. Not so long ago, that would have been like taking a bullet.

So, I start laughing until the power goes out of my legs. They must be the most unobservant neighbours in the world! Neither he nor his car has been near for months.

And they forgot to put their own name on the card! Brilliant display of mental prowess!

If I rent the house out its gonna be to an eight foot transvestite or a family of ten - I bet they're still getting the anonymous Mr and Mrs cards when they've been here years.

Yeah it is funny how people live in expectations, and don't even know what is going on really right next door

Sorta a sad but yet funny story happened last week to me

Of course if you havnt guessed, I am a sorta traditional guy, and somewhat of a KISA by nature

Had a job offered to me to replace a starter on a car, which was simple for me, so I told them $80. Turns out the shop wanted to charge $500? Yeah ripoffs and they saw her coming

When she showed up I learned she was the daughter of a very sweet pastor in my old church. She was not a classic beauty, but she was somewhat attractive, yeah I still notice, but it's like for years, more like a father and responsible adult male.

She did have this quality, that stuck out to me, and the best I can describe it is "deer in the headlights" way of listening, lowers her head, serious look, stops and stands close to you while looking up

Didn't think much of it, it just struck me funny, because my late wife would take the same pose, intently listening to you, well seeming to at least

Now the pastor was again a sweet guy, and always quiet spoken, responsible, and always doctrinal and proper. He was in charge of finances, and as stable of a believer as I know, when it came down to family, and always provided

He even came over to visit when WW was on her deathbed, to pray and comfort us

The day after I did the job, and I was talking to my friend who arranged the job about how good it was to fix her car, and support the daughter of a pastor I liked and admired, instead of seeing her get ripped off

When I started to talk about her demeanor, and how timid and quiet she was, and how some guy would be lucky...He interrupted me with a smile, and said,"Don't wanna burst your bubble, but she is a stripper"

Now don't get me wrong, yeah it's a job, but what surprised me this pastors daughter? This pastor? Also I missed all the signals, of the damsel in distress ruse

Must be getting soft in my old age. Years ago would have read the strange body language and saw the quiet demeanor for what it was, feigned submission and damsel in distress

Talked to hookers, strippers many times in my life,and it's usually an easy way
out, and based on frail male egos, and the power they wield sexually. They are usually full of fear and bitterness, and seek control, sometimes from damage done to them, but it is a lonely life, filled with using thier body like an amusement park

They say it is "just until I .." but when you take that line of least resistance, it is so easy to go back to it whenever you get ticked off and screwed over

I think what was most revealing was the similarities to my late wife, when at one time I could read her like a book, but 20 years of being gaslighted takes it's toll

I will never never never never (infinity), be a Kisa idiot again, or fall for the dumsels in distress
I