My husband has been caught, yet again, with texting an old gf from high school-college years. The history is - he was madly in love w/ her, wanted to marry her, she broke his heart, he went thru serious depression. While we were dating he turned to her every time we had a disagreement. Talking to her for hours on the phone. She married her now husband around the time we were married.. He then told me she had admitted she had hoped we would break up so she could have him back. Months into our marriage, I found pictures of her in her wedding dress, but always alone, downloaded on his phone - the same time I found out about his porn addiction. Moving fwd, I again found him speaking w/ her after he had promised not to. This time, he was out of town working, would call me daily for about 10 minutes and go hang out w/ his friends.. bars and such. One particular phone conversation w/ her lasted about an hr. I was hurt that he could find the time for her that way but not me. Again, he promised no more contact and we moved on. I recently uncovered text after text on our phone bill.. about every 2-3 days 2-4 texts and no phone calls.. however this is just our recent statement going back about 2 wks. In confronting him, he has admitted that she knows I do not want them speaking... this tells me there have been conversations going on for some time now and they both have no problem being deceitful to me! The texts of course have been deleted from his phone, as well as phone call logs. WHAT DO I DO? We have a 6 month old girl.. this is my second marriage, the first was ended from an affair! I know I couldn't handle another...
At a loss ..

Yes, ma'm. This is an emotional affair. I would suggest you get his phone if you can and forward these messages to your phone so you've got them before he deletes them. Keep the copies of your phone records in a safe place, as well.

Have you spoken with her husband about this? What does he say?

The messages are already deleted before I get his phone.. I've confronted him, he says its nothing and they're just friends.. I need help with what steps to take!

I would get some spy ware on his phone and get the evidence you need.

Then contact her husband and ask for his help in stopping their emotional affair.

What kind of phone operating system does he have?

Droid Charge

GEt his phone tonight while he is asleep and download eblaster on it. It costs $65 and is pretty easy to install. Go here: http://www.spectorsoft.com/products/eBlaster-Mobile-Android/index.asp

Thanks! Should I do anything else?? Talk to him? Her husband? I've already confronted him so I think it would be a while before he tried to contact her again. He'll wait till he thinks I'm not snooping again...

Behave like a loving/caring wife.
See Plan A carrot/stick link in my sig line.

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Continue to snoop.

Not yet.
Soon.
You will need more proof.

Nope, don't do anything. Just be like James Bond and spy on him until you get the goods. Then come back here for next steps.

Proof of what? And why do I need it? Cant I just ask him to not speak w/ her anymore and figure out what I'm doing wrong that is making him turn to her? My gut is turning flips and I'm on the edge of crying all day... how can I make this feel better???? My first marriage ended w/ an affair.. is that a sign that I'm doing something wrong??

You need to stop being so reactionary and be more STRATEGIC if you want to get rid of this skank. Get the evidence of their affair and THEN expose it to her husband and everyone else. I have no doubt there is an emotional affair going on.

If you just jump in there right there now with accusations they will just say they are just "friends" and then go further underground.

WAIT. GEt the texts of their conversations, save them and use them to kill the affair.

Haven't you already ASKED HIM to not speak to her anymore? Has that worked?

MB is very strategic.

If you ask him not to speak to her, what do you think he will say?
"We're just friends;"
"You're too suspicious."
You're so paranoid."
"You're too controlling."
"Are you trying to stop me from having friends?"

If we're talking strategy .... you need to anticipate what he might say or do ... and be ready to respond with something consistent to your strategy.

I'll BRB.

Look at what Dr Harley wrote about making yourself irresistable to your spouse:



Begin doing these things to the best of your ability.
No need to discuss it with him.
Be this woman as part of Plan A.

No, he will just take it deeper underground which makes it harder for you to snoop and gather your evidence.
Besides, you already tried that and it did not work.

Listen to the advice you are given here, and ACT accordingly.

Be strong, we are all here to help and support you as best we can.

PP,

Proof of what? And why do I need it?

Because otherwise you will be branded a lunatic by this OW, and she will lie to her H and convince him you are spiteful / nasty /etc.

Cant I just ask him to not speak w/ her anymore

From your description it seems WH and OW believe they are soul mates who are destined to be with each other "someday", those fantasies have a very powerful hold on people which can last decades. This is also a MAJOR ADDICTION. The OWH has to be in on this to help you end this thing from his side. You can't have the OW contacting your H 5, 10 or 20 years from now.

You will also be doing the OWH a big favor, he may have no idea what dark forces are quietly destroying his marriage, and like you is desperately trying to fix a leak by drilling more holes.

and figure out what I'm doing wrong that is making him turn to her?

Again this affair is an ADDICTION, you can't cure a cocaine addict by just asking them.

God Bless
Gamma

You need to expose this affair to the OW's husband once you have the proof.

Yes, this is an affair.

There should be NO contact between him and this ex.

Hindshight is 20/20, but you should have dumped him the moment you had trouble and he turned to her. This was a major sign that this was a bad catch.