This is the hardest thing that I have ever had to face and I feel absolutely insane on a regular basis. I wish I could control my thoughts and find a way to move on. I guess to start that i should probably start explaining what is happening. My husband and I have been married for a little over three years. We have two children. We have been in the military for three years. In that time my husband has had affairs with 7 women. Only three of those women were civilians. The last woman, active duty, he had an affair with is pregnant and due Jan. 28. He found out a month after I gave birth to our daughter. My husband says that all these woman were just about sex and he wants to move on with our relationship. I am having a hard time moving on. I constantly think about her and this baby that may or my not be his. I don't believe that it is but i think it is just because I dont want it to be. How do i move on when my thoughts are constantly interrupted by her and these other women.

Welcome to MB, desperate. I'm really sorry to hear your story.

Could you take us through the affairs one by one, please? When did they happen? Who was each woman - did you find out all their identities? How did each affair end? Does your H have any contact with any of these women? For example, do they still work together? How did each affair end?

Did you find out about the affairs all at the same time, or have you known about each affair at the time?

You won't be able to just "move past" this, and if the latest OW wants your H to be tested to prove that he is that child's father, then this will have serious implications for the welfare of you and your children.

How did you find out about this baby? Is this OW trying to keep your H involved? Is she married herself? Does your H want to be an active father, if the child is his?

Have your H's military affairs ever been exposed to his superiors in the military?

This sounds like a terrible mess. Why do you want to stay with your H?

So many questions, but please try and answer them all.

Nope you cant just move on.

Your husband poured filth over the tapestry of your marriage and now he just wants to flip it over to the other side.

but it will seep through.

He needs to do a clean up job, using honesty, actions, and proof of his truthfulness.

Give us the details and we can steer you from there.

This may take a minute to type all of it. I found out two different times about my H affairs. The first affair happened while he was at his first tech school. I was living with his mother and getting ready to have our first child. A week or two before our son was born my husband slept with someone from his class. She knew he was married, but had a bet with another tech schooler on who could sleep with him first. It was just a one night stand and she went back to her boyfriend. I felt something was wrong with him and our marriage. I asked him if anything happened and he said no. He felt like i was going to leave so he moved me and our newborn down to his school.

I forgot. No his infidelity has not been told to his supervisors. I know a lot of military members know and that there are rumors going around about him being the father of the other womans baby, but no one has done anything. I think it is because no one has made a complaint. I think if i or the other woman made a complaint that an investigation would start. I don't want to say anything because he could get a dishonorable discharge. I don't want to affect my kids well being. I know that i could get a job and take care of them but i want to finish school and get a decent job. I also want my husband to be able to have a career even if its not the military. A dishonorable discharge makes that hard

Eek, desperate. Can you go back to your post and break it up into paragraphs? They should be 2-3 lines long. It's too hard to read your post the way it is. Use the "Edit" button to do that, please.

We left and moved to our first duty station. My H attended FTAC, and this is where he met the second girl. She was separted from her H because she found out that he cheated on her with a 16 year old while she was at basic. Her words to my H were i don't like not having what i want. My H told her tht we had an open marrige. So four days after our first wedding anniversary he left work and went to her apt and slept with her. Then he came home to me. I knew that night. It took him 2 months to finlly come clean about the two women. That was because i saw that they were still keeping contact through text messages. He said it ws just to be civil because they work at the same base. I contacted her and told her not to speack to my husband again. she in the mean time had gotten back together with her husband. A whole year went by from this point where my husbnd did not have sex with any women but there were plenty in between this time that in my mind he had inappropriate texting conversations.

In that year we worked on our marriage and aside from the texting was staring to get better. August of last year we found out i was pregnant. My husbnd was doing a lot in this time. he was getting reclassed into a new job because he was washed out of his other. He was playing rugby, playing squadron softball, and always playing video games with his friend. Then in jan he left for his second tech school. I was stressed out so much. I was going to school working 32 hours a week had a two year old and a new puppy my husband wanted, really pregnant, and worried that he would cheat on me again. My husband was gone for 6 months.I constantly checked the phone records and called ny number i didnt know or had my friend call. Whenever it was a woman i would confront him and he said it was becuse they guys he was with wanted him to take one for the team

That he knew what he wanted and the girls were not it. March came along and i was just 4 weeks from giving birth to our lil girl. It was my birthdy nd i was feeling a lot of pain I was talking to my H telling him i was nervous she would come early. I checked the phone records and saw a number and called it. I confronted my husbnd about the number and said that if he is going to continue this we might as well have an open marriage. I was so mad that here i was in pain on my birthday alone and he was talking to girls. The next day i told him i couldnt do it, and he said that he was only talking to one person and that he didnt want to stop. i was crushed. A week went by i had intense pain and went to the hospital and was having contractions 3 min apart. I told him i was in the hospital. He was at a club with his friends. I checked the phone records and had to text my H please do not text other women while i am in the hospital. He said okay sorr. My heart was breaking.

I didnt have the baby and the next day didnt talk to my H. He called me and said he was so sorry and that he wont do an open marriage because he loves me and he will work reallh hard to be the best H he can. He said he didnt have sex with the girl but i found out a couple days later that he did when i text her to stop talking to my husbnd. She had messaged him that day and i responded. two weeks later our daughter was born. He came home for her birth. He said this was amazing because he missed our sons birth. He could only stay for the weekend. Then went back. He only had 2.5 months left nd then he would be home. On May 25th i saw another number nd called it. Another woman. I confronted him and said are you serious who is she. and he said there is a lot that he needs to tell me but he wants to wait until he gets home. I said no if you want to wait til you get home then we dont need to talk until you get home. We didnt talk for to days. he was upset.

I didnt have the baby and the next day didnt talk to my H. He called me and said he was so sorry and that he wont do an open marriage because he loves me and he will work reallh hard to be the best H he can. He said he didnt have sex with the girl but i found out a couple days later that he did when i text her to stop talking to my husbnd. She had messaged him that day and i responded. two weeks later our daughter was born. He came home for her birth. He said this was amazing because he missed our sons birth. He could only stay for the weekend. Then went back. He only had 2.5 months left nd then he would be home. On May 25th i saw another number nd called it. Another woman. I confronted him and said are you serious who is she. and he said there is a lot that he needs to tell me but he wants to wait until he gets home. I said no if you want to wait til you get home then we dont need to talk until you get home. We didnt talk for to days. he was so upset.

Finally he said he would tell me and told me may 28th. that while he has been gone he has slept with four women and the last one is pregnant.I asked if he slept with anymore while he was home and he said yes...when he played rugby. He said all were one time things except the last he had started sleeping with her May 6th and continued every weekend. I was devastated. She was pregnant. He said she was going to get an abortion, then a few days later found out she was going to keep it. So he had to tell her that he was married. He claims she didnt know and that she asked after the slept together for the fist tme. I dont really believe that becasue they were in the same career field tech school and knew a lot of the same people and his friends knew that he was married and having a baby.

They continued to talk while t tech school but only about the baby and minor day to day stuff. When he came home the texting was few and far between. Then she recently got mad at him and said that if he isnt going to help with money that they have nothing to talk about. She wanted money now when the baby isnt even here. He said that he wants to help when the baby comes but he also wants to see the baby and know how the baby is doing. She said that if she can't get money from him without him being involved then she will suffer financially and not take anything from him. They have recently cut ties. Her comment makes me believe it might not be his baby. What mother would do that? This is where we are right now.

He says that the experience with the ast woman has taken his desire to sleep with other woman away that he was acting very selfish, and that he wanted to keep up this persona that his friends had of him that he could get women. Now he wants to work on our marriage and have all the things that we use to have plus more. He has done nice things for me like buying me flowers for the first time, and taken me out on a date here and there, and randomly buys me cards. I kno that this story is insane. My friends are getting in the military are getting divorced for much lesser crimes and they have no idea why i am staying. I do love him. I believe in marriage. When we first met my husband was the only person, man that is, to see me and love for the attractive and unattractive qualities. I felt like i didnt have to hide from him. The funny thing is now i hide from him. but i still love him and hope for things to be better. I know i have abandonment issues because my father disowned me when he found out that i was marrying my husbnd

Bumping for help from anyone who has knowledge of what to do in a military affair situation. Thanks for your help.

The US Military is the brass ring for workplace exposure. Adultery is an offense punishable under the UCMJ.

I suppose some commands/commanders might treat it more leniently than others, but it probably won't be swept under the rug if a formal complaint is filed.

Alas, dfh has already indicated she's not willing to use this tool in helping her husband learn to be an honorable man.

It's like any other betrayed spouse: if you're not willing to use all the tools at your disposal, you risk enabling and facilitating abhorrent behavior and you must be prepared to live with your share of the consequences. And that's quite painful.

This is my first day on this site. how have i demonstrated that i am not willing to use this tool for help. I am asking for help and advice, and i have been reading the tools on this site. In less than 24 hours i am supposed to have all the answers. How will blowing the whistle on my husband make him more honorable? Alas..., i thought this website was for support not to make people feel like they have already failed.

Here you are indicating that you are unwilling to use the tool of filing a formal complaint. You're already aware of it, but choosing not to use it.

Your husband is not behaving honorably. From the description of his behavior, he has a long, long road to travel in becoming an honorable man. That journey can start by accepting both responsibility and accountablility for his actions.

It appears he's unwilling to start this journey on his own; you can facilitate the process by filing a formal complaint for adultery. Let him face the consequences of his actions.

P.S. Infidelity has a unique ability to undermine trust and cohesion on a variety of levels. That's why it is a criminal offense under the UCMJ. It is a very painful, messy business. There are no easy answers, and to rid yourself of its effects, you may have to take actions that, on the surface, don't seem to be in your best interest. Filing a formal complaint and charging your husband with adultery is one of those possible actions.

The tool is there. It's your choice whether or not to use it.

Welcome DfH. Exposure is vital in this situation. Your husband is treating the military like his own personal harem and you are enabling that, I am afraid.

He uses secrecy to betray you and lie to these other women. He tells them you have an open marriage. You can see why they would believe him. He is sleeping with everyone, rumours are rife - and you stand by him silently. It probably looks like an open marriage.

Expose far and wide. Your h is the type that needs admiration. He is getting it from other women and he maintains admiration in his job. He needs to get a harsh dose of reality of how this behaviour is really perceived.

[quote=desperateforhope] How will blowing the whistle on my husband make him more honorable? quote]

Because honourable people know there are consequences to hteir actions. They dont sneak around in th edark and avoid those consequences. Make him face them.

He has this view of you as someone who can be manupilated with treats. Thats why he is trying to buy your silence with flowers, dates and poor excuses. He thinks you wont risk his job so he's home free and it is up to you whether to prove him right or not.

If you are going to choose money over the marriage, I am afriad that will not stnad you in good stead. A divorce is very costly and that is where you are headed without exposure.

You are new on this site, so read up on exposure by all means. Dr H says it is the single most effective thing a BS can do. Plus being in the military gives you agreat advantage over us BSs who only had family to expose to. We were at the mercy of moral outrage but yours is bound to be effective because it contains real consequences.

I am sorry for the outburst. For the past three years i have felt nothing but judgement and antagonizing comments, that i felt very attacked. I have read the Q&A on exposer and I do agree with a lot of it. although he says he is hesitant on exposer to the Unfaithful's employer, because it can have negative affects such as firing which will cause financial problems. He decides these more on a case by case bases. In the military my husband could be at risk for a dishonorable discharge and even time in prison if they deem it necessary which will make it near to impossible to find another job. I am a year away from my degree, and am currently not employed because i have not been able to find something that will cover daycare costs. How would i be able to support my children if the worst of the worst happens financially? I know exposer is important but its not like i can go home because my father disowned me for marrying someone outside my race. My life is one big mess