It is notable that she is not posting to the board today and I know exactly why. The posters see right through her bullsh** and she knows it. She knows she can't bullsh** a bullshi**er and her story won't wash here.

OK I am very computer literate, I am on a computer all day at work. I cannot seem to get the damned quot box to work correctly!

Bliss, As I told Melody, W did not post all day as she had a dentist appointment = 2 hours, talked with and came clean to OM's W for over an hour, came home and copied and pasted all of her phone records per OM's W request. Sent records via e-mail to OM's W (probably an hour or more). She works 3rd shift and needed to sleep at some point. Got up when I got home, we ran the daughter to dance class, went shopping with me, picked up daughter from dance class, got home in time to eat something (10 minutes) and went back to work and was probably late. She did not have time to post today!

I did not want to post her confession, because I knew you folks would instill more doubt. It worked perfectly, I jumped in the car and drove my long hour home. Had to talk to OM's W on the way as she instilled more doubt, and I gave her all the encouragement I could for their marriage. I got home and all I could think about is how am I going to start all over, where am I going to go, who will get the kids, what kind of [censored] hole apartment I might end up in and what will become of my WW, whom I still love dearly.

I interrogated my W for the few 45 minutes we had alone. I explained that I am leaving her if she fails this test. I told her she has to be honest for me to stay with her. I told her I fully intend to start our new lives or continue our marriage with the outcome of a stranger reading a machine because I cannot believe a word she says. I told her if she is lying she will fail, if she isn't she still might fail. I begged, I pleaded, I told her I want this marriage and am scared to death she will fail.
She is holding firm and said the big bomb and only bomb she had was the auto repair guy and she didn't give me the short version. She said there is no other man, no more sex, nothing more to tell. She said her heart is clean and she is ready for the poly. Wants to do it so I will stop asking these miserable questions. She is looking at where to get the funds to get it done and over with. She said she is going to start calling around tomorrow to schedule the poly.

I do not need to keep killing the little bit of my marriage I have left. I have to assume she has told me the truth, until the day of the poly. I fully expect to be heartbroken on that day, but must keep a positive attitude until then. Wouldn't it be ironic if she passed the test, but I destroyed every chance we have by beating her with honesty every day until then. I cannot be filled with doubt, as it is killing me and my marriage. I must stay positive and let the polygraph give me the final answer.
I am at the bottom, I am exhausted, I do not have the energy to keep this up. I am ready to throw in the towel and let my world crumble into the [censored] I have learned is my reality. What a horrible night. Just venting, sorry.

And to top it all off I cannot even look to see I am posting under W's user name.

The plan I recommend for recovery after an affair is very specific. That's because I've found that even small deviations from that plan are usually disastrous. But when it's followed, it always works. The plan has two parts that must be implemented sequentially. The first part of the plan is for the unfaithful spouse to completely separate from the lover and eliminate the conditions that made the affair possible.

The plan I recommend for recovery after an affair is very specific. That's because I've found that even small deviations from that plan are usually disastrous. But when it's followed, it always works. The plan has two parts that must be implemented sequentially. The first part of the plan is for the unfaithful spouse to completely separate from the lover and eliminate the conditions that made the affair possible. The second part is for the couple to create a romantic relationship, using my Basic Concepts as a guide.

I'll describe these two parts to you in a little more detail.

The first step, complete separation from the lover and eliminating the conditions that made the affair possible, requires a complete understanding of the affair. All information regarding the affair must be revealed to the betrayed spouse, including the name of the lover, the conditions that made the affair possible (travel, internet, etc.), the details of what took place during the affair, all correspondence, and anything else that would shed light on the tragedy.

This information is important for two reasons: (1) it creates accountability and transparency, making it essentially impossible for the unfaithful spouse to continue the affair or begin a new one unnoticed, and (2) it creates trust for the betrayed spouse, providing evidence that the affair is over and a new one is unlikely to take its place. The nightmares you experience are likely to continue until you have the facts that
will lead to your assurance that your husband can be trusted.

An analysis of the wayward spouse's childhood or emotional state of mind in an effort to discover why he or she would have an affair is distracting and unnecessary. It takes precious time away from finding the real solutions. I know why people have affairs: We are all wired for it. Given certain conditions, we would all do it. Given other conditions, however, none of us would do it. So the goal of the first step is to discover the conditions that made the affair possible and eliminate them.

After the first step is completed, the second step is to create a romantic relationship between you and your husband using my 10 Basic Concepts here
as your guide. While your relationship may be improving, it won't lead to a romantic relationship because you are not being transparent toward each other. Unspoken issues in a marital relationship lead to a superficiality that ruins romance.

Your nightmares are only the tip of the iceberg. They are but a small reflection of the suffering you experienced when you discovered your husband's affair, and the fear you have that the suffering will be repeated. You have no assurance that the affair is over because you don't even know who the other woman is. You are being asked to trust your husband, who has already proven to be untrustworthy. For all you know, he could be working with her, or you could be going to the same church, or she could be
your neighbor. And since he won't discuss the details of how the affair took place, you have no assurance that another affair will not take its place.

Infidelity is not something that can be swept under the rug. While those who have affairs want to forget about it and move on, those who are betrayed must take very specific steps before they can fully recover. In your case, those steps have not been taken, and as a result, your fear persists. I will send you a complimentary copy of my book, "Surviving an Affair," if you send me your address. It will describe these two steps to you and provide you with a roadmap toward full recovery. But the path will require full disclosure of all details.

[quote=maritalbliss]
[/quote This seems to be a non-issue with you, since you've already stated that you will continue to raise these children as yours. So this issue doesn't need to be raised again, unless you want it to be raised. /quote]

Bliss, Thank you, I cannot agree enough. My children are my children and if I didn't know for sure, I would not want to know. I love them very much and wouldn't want that to change just because they don't have my DNA. That is not the case, I do know for sure. How I know isn't relative to resolving the problems I am having in my marriage, and does not need to be discussed here.

Stop spinning your wheels and get a DNA test.

Also you don't know if the kids are your's.

You are confusing grasping at straws with scientific fact to justify they are not OC.

Stop spinning your wheels and get a DNA test.

You don't want to believe what we have been selling here.

I do not need to keep killing the little bit of my marriage I have left.

I fully expect to be heartbroken on that day, but must keep a positive attitude until then.

Wouldn't it be ironic if she passed the test, but I destroyed every chance we have by beating her with honesty every day until then.

...and the possible future value to the kids of having their medical/genetic history complete is of no import?

In order for Senn's kids to know their medical/genetic history (if they are not biologically his), OM would need to cooperate.

I vote NO DNA TESTING under these circumstances and after all these years.

...and the possible future value to the kids of having their medical/genetic history complete is of no import?

OM does not have to be involved to determine if Senn is the dad.