The girlfriend is being played by him and she is oblivious.

Oblivious.

How do you think it is to feel oblivious? Even an oblivious person has an inner voice saying "What the heck is the deal here?"

I will tell you how it feels to be oblivious.

Lousy.



Keep that in mind as you avoid her so you don't have to reveal her truth. You are not doing her any favors. Not doing your friend any favors either. Meet with her. Tell her and let the chips fall where they may. He isn't your friend to put you in this postion to make moral choices of your own actions. YK?

Mel is quoting one of my conditions for recovery. Should my wayward get on board with recovery, the first thing I would insist upon is getting rid of all the friends who knew and just sat back and watched.

When I exposed his affair to our friends, I still had his phone in my possession. Everyone who called him and left messages revealing they knew, were hurting me and not being a friend to him.

If they had told me, instead of hiding it from me, we could have worked together to persuade him.

Sounds like you feel guilty.

By the way, if you ask him to do it himself, she will get a VERY watered down version - 'I once thought about another woman etc' and he will only do that if a gun is pointed at his head.

DO NOT threaten him with telling her yourself. If you do that, she will be told his friend Joe is a psycho who wants to bust up his relationship,

You must do it completley without warning him.

Addicts get pretty nasty when you try to take away their fix.

A person of principle stands by his principles even when it is HARD. It is HARD to have the courage of your convictions. A person who abandons his principles when it is tough is not a person who truly has principles.

Situations like this separate the men from the boys. I know it is tough, but it comes down to a choice between your principles and this friend. Which will you abandon?

I'll tell you what. If you are so insistent that HE tell her himself, [for reasons I cannot fathom] why not go to her house yourself, call him from there and say,

"I am over at GF's house and we need to tell her the truth. I am giving you an opportunity to come here and do that. I will wait 30 minutes and if you are not here in that time, I will tell her myself."

And if he does show up, you can stay to make sure he tells her the FULL TRUTH. That way, he is given the opportunity to tell her and she gets the truth regardless of his choice.

SIX (count 'em) 6 kids !!!!!!

Your castration procedure was botched, I guess.

Suggestion:

You tell your 'friend' you can no longer see HIM as long as he's cheating on his GF.

How's THAT for providing some consequences?

I *think* you are trying to motivate your 'friend' to confess himself.

It won't happen.

You will be ineffective.

I'd say everything seems to be in perfect working order.

Yes you are lieing to her. How?

1. You KNOW of the affairs and she does not and so therefor you are letting her risk her life and you are letting your "friend" risk her life too from his skanking behavior.


2. Not telling someone something that is important (especially life threatening which being exposed to STDs is) is called Lieing by OMISSION. It means you are leaving it out on purpose. If you had a relationship with a girl and her girlfriend knew that your girlfriend was cheating on you and didnt tell you .. how would you feel towards her for not telling you? ESPECIALLY if you transmitted an STD? and ESPECIALLY if you had a kid on the way.

EXPOSE THIS! By not exposing .. you are allowing your friends risk their lives. Would you let your friends risk their lives and drive home if they were drunk? this is not much different.

Joe --

Dr. Harley has a book about your friend. Its called "Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders".

Your friend is a freeloader who isn't willing to put in the work of having a relationship, but is perfectly happy to reap the benefits of having one! We also call that cake-eating.

Having the benefits of a relationship requires that you stop activities that make your partner unhappy. If your friend isn't willing to put his girlfriends happiness before his own skankiness, then the only fair thing is to let her know so she can make a choice about her own life with ALL OF THE FACTS.

Plus her baby is being put at great health risk by being exposed to all of these sexual partners that she is unaware of.
Please do the right thing and tell her.

Joe,

I have to agree with what many of the others here are saying. I had a very tough decision to make this past year with my sister, not a friend.

She was cheating on her fiance. She kept stringing him along and lying to him while pursuing better options.

I finally got fed up and told her fiance.

Did it suck? Yes. Lots of people in my family were mad at me. Some could see the benfit.

But they're still together and are rebuilding their relationship. My sister even said that I may be responsible for saving them.

The problem with your friend is psychological. He sees women as objects for his pleasure and really doesn't see the consequences of his actions.

What your friend needs is an individual counselor to stop this behavior and shift his form of thinking.

I'd sit him down and talk to him and tell him that as his friend you can't just sit by and watch him self destruct.

I had a very good friend of mine who was flirting with a woman he worked with. He was married. I yelled at him, told him to get his head out of his a$$ and to focus on his marriage. I told him he was risking the stability of his children's home, his marriage, his financial well being, and everything for a stupid reason.

He thanks me to this day.

Real friends don't appease and enable. Real friends will stick by your side in tough times and tell you things that you need to hear.