I'm pretty sure she has no desire to be with OM - who happens to be several thousand miles away in the middle of nowhere. I monitor her pretty closely but I do think if she has the chance she'd peek at his FB page or something (she deleted our mutual FB page about 2 months ago, something I'm completely fine with and she does not have a personal one). She hasn't done any formal NC yet because she could care less about MB principles at the moment.

I'm more worried about her finding a new OM - no, there hasn't been any indication but it's always on my mind because of the lack of committed steps and boundries.

I wrote my Plan B letter a long time ago and it's lying in wait, but it would need to be modified a bit.

I agree, jessi, I think I'd like to take her up on her willingness to talk to an MB counselor first and see if that helps before doing Plan B.

She doesn't need you because she hasn't lost you. And yeah if you let her family know that she has committed adultery and they are devout muslims, it could cost her her life. And she acts this way towards you, because you are the standby.

Consider this. If you are in a middle eastern country, all you need to do is tell her on no uncertain terms that you have tired of her. All you have to do is say "I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you. Next you remind her of exactly where she is. And that you will automatically get custody of the children. See how her "western thinking" works in a 7th century culture. You may want to think about it. It could completely change things.

And don't forget Sharia is breaking out all over the middle east. It will be the law in Egypt and Libya. Tell her that if she remains intransigent over your request. Tell her that you are considering taking another one or two wives

And please brothers and sisters on this site, don't flame me. As you can see in the last advice I gave him. He can't use the MB principles if she won't work at it. So to get her there, he may have to use some unconventional tactics. I believe if he stops chasing and takes a hard line she will buckle. If not he can get a wife who does love him. Or maybe two.

I'm not going to flame you, ouch, but I do want to make a couple of points:

In a case where the culture requires death for adultery, I do not recommend exposure to families. My understanding in that situation is that the onus can be on the male members of the family to kill the adulterous female in their family as a way of maintaining the family's good name in their society.

I also don't recommend idle threats. Why tell someone you're going to divorce them if you don't want to divorce them?

It sounds like his WW is very slowly starting to come around. In spite of the fact that he ran a weak Plan A and a non-existent Plan B. Coupled with the fact that he's got a wayward who isn't even in the house with him right now.

wantittowork, why didn't you go with your WW when she left for her father's surgery? Why is she still away from home? Wasn't his surgery last week or so? Foggy waywards should not be anywhere overnight without their spouse.

Thank you for the input.

I did indeed expose to her father and the rest of her immediate family and mine over a year ago. She's still mad about that.

I'm not Muslim, but I'm quite knowledgeable about the subject and know in general her family wouldn't take the hard line like some more traditional families. They were ok with her marrying a westerner, after all. Honor killings would not go over well in this particular region of the Muslim world, and especially among their extended family.

Her father had serious, invasive surgery and I had to stay home with our son and work and she was the only child of his that could spare to get away. ie her sister had a baby the same week. He is coming to live with us for the short term until everyone is comfortable with his recovery.

I'd say my Plan A was 'decent'. She was putting me through hell for almost the full year and I held strong but always stuck to my guns of not tolerating that behavior when I found out about it. The 'stick' is what makes her angry and tell me that she needs space, while she soaks up all the 'carrot' I can dish out.

The small gesture she made today of watching the videos is the first I've seen of her willingness to do something with me, so we'll see..............

First phone call with Steve Harley tomorrow night with my wife. Any pointers before we go into it?

I hope your wife listens to the logic of Steve Harley.
He should be able to show her the reality of her decisions..........
Good Luck

Thanks, jessi. I sure hope so and I'm sure I could use it, as well.

It just doesn't feel like she's in this marriage or willing to do anything for it even though she says she loves me. I hope it helps.

you don't need pointers, he will lead the both of you

Well, it went.

After we had a talk. She still doesn't seem too inclined to follow any of these methods, but she said she'd do it if it makes me happy. I will likely schedule more, but am a bit discouraged. She's been acting pretty nice lately, but it's still difficult to connect with her.

Don't be discouraged.
At first, my husband was only going to AA meetings to appease me.
That was 15 years ago. 16 years in a few weeks.
He goes to meetings daily.
Because he loves sobriety.
Because his life got better.

Do not be discouraged.
Her motivation does not matter as much as she is willing to try.

Keep on keeping on.

Thanks, Pepper. Last night, out of the blue, she asked 'so what are we supposed to do now after the last call?' so I was surprised at that. I told her we had to fill out some questionnaires.... so that's the next step.

We go into again last night but at the end of it we listened to (audio) the first few chapters of HNHN, finally. After, she said "Is this book entirely about affiars, because that's what it only talks about".... which means she didn't like it kept mentioning that. She hates the word 'affair' She still has lots of anger.

Anyhow, she keeps watching p0rn and we rarely have SF, yet she wants to have another baby, even so much as to mention when we get back the US she wants to be artificially insiminated....... how do I go about this one?

It's about one and a half years since your first post about your WW. If the above and your other recent posts are an example of her current mindset, if I was in your shoes I certainly would not be thinking of having another child with that woman. I'd be working on my escape plan instead. She's clearly not invested in any serious way in recovering your M.

Definitely not. Her sister just had a baby, so she's got baby envy at the moment. She listened to about 15 minutes more of HNHN last night then turned it off....

When I talked to S.Harley he said now is not the time for Plan B by any means. I agree, she is 'ok' most of the time, she just has a lot of independent behavior and won't be open with me and it's wearing me out.