I have a feeling that even softlad's solicitor is laughing at him.

Just got a letter saying he wants to change the 'particulars of his behaviour' before the papers are lodged.

His solicitors say that he still does not accept 'the implications implied in the particulars of the petititon... (that he is having an affair) ...but that he does accept the marriage is at an end and prepared to allow the petition to proceed.

He want to change a 'minor error' though. I have said that after sending him a letter (the Plan B letter) insisting he end his affair he did not reply in regards to NC with the other woman.

He wants to change the divorce papers to say that he did email responses to both me and my friend (the IM) when I attempted to discuss possible reconcilliation.

The gaslighting, miserable, damaged, selfish wayward. If he isnt willing to fight for our marriage the least he could do is sit down and shut up while I divorce him.

So I need to speak to my solicitor.

I am getting very tired of his 'I tried! I sent an email!' act.

lol.......the funniest things are true, aren't they?

Hugs to you friend.

Got an FB message back from co-worker. He allegedly doesnt remember sending the message (it was sent at 3am when he was out on the town) and he now says he has no aspirations to date me! 'Just wanted to say it was nice getting to know you better after working together for so long'.

Um we were at a work party with a tonne of other people. Did he send us ALL 'tongue tied' messages? What is he on about?! Freak.

What a spineless wonder.

It's maddening. I'm torn between

a) Sorry, should have known you would never try something so crazy, especially in a lame FB message! Glad that's all cleared up.

or

No reply at all. Not going to play 'lets pretend' with freakboy.

However the wisest course of action is not usually the most satisfying, y'know?

I'd write back.

Oops. LOL. Sorry....we're cool.

And let that be the last word for all time.

Um yeah right, lol.

"Well now that you said no, I didn't like you anyways..". At least he could take it like a man, and joke about it. Make a fool out of himself or something to take the edge off. Proper responses would be..

"You don't know what your missing sweety, but I respect your decision"

"Darn I just won the lottery and bought a yaught, thought you might wanna sail around cape horn with me"

Anything goofy but not total rejection, what is he sensitive or something? Jeez talk about taking yourself to seriuos. Even "Sorry, I was drunk, forgive me please, but you are an attractive women, but that was out of line" Then start talking about work or the weather or change the subject.

Ok, he was probably just a kid, but if your gonna ask, at least die with grace and dignity, and a little respect for the lady.

I like readings idea BTW..

Well Indie, he can now rest assured you won't be recommending him to any of your single friends... and he sounds the type of guy who would have to rely on this method for dating woman.

He's in his thirties and should know how to do it by now. He has a big boy job. I think you were on the money with the 'wolf in sheep's clothing' idea. A man who is truthful is just that - truthful. They say what they want from you. I think he cant be honest because he was moving away - which means he was after a very 'short term' relationship. So using the truth was out.

I cant believe the level of deception in that final response though. Or that he expects anyone to believe it. Shows no respect at all. Ive decided not to reply at all and to defriend. Creeps me out knowing he has access to my page now.



The odd thing is Caracal, he would be very dateable to someone single - when he's being normal. Its only when hes putting on his 'moves' that you get all scared and freaked. On a day to day basis at work he comes across ok.

I just think he wants to be underhand because his motives are underhand.

He's been trying the same 'moves' - weird hand holding etc on another friend at work. So much for the shy and sensitive image hes trying to bluff with.

Doesnt he know women talk!

Apparently not!

There was an episode of Family Matters where Eddie was depressed that he was a virgin. Laura tells him that the school man-ho is "the laughingstock of the girl's locker room."

If you do something to one woman she'll tell the rest.

It sure ain't gonna be easy getting back into the dating game when we are ready huh? I take comfort in that I now know MB and I have set my bar high... I really hope I won't get conned by someone like this, who comes across ok. I am scared and hesitant though, cause my WH sure had me fooled and I can no longer work out whether the husband I thought I married ever really existed other than my imagination

Speaking with a divorced female friend (whose ex was a WH) has proved enlightening about weeding out the worthy from the unworthy... she always works relationships with ex's into the conversation. How many ex's, why the split, but particularly, the relationship at present. Any evasiveness about current contact with an ex raises her suspicions. I wonder how waywards gloss over this when they start dating. I imagine there is a lot of blameshifting to the ex, so if I ever hear anything along the lines of "Oh, I don't have contact with her now, she was a total b!t#c!" will result in me running out of there. However, I realise that this could also mean the poor guy was simply Plan B'ing... Hmmm, how to differentiate?

Guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, I am by no means even ready to near the bridge.

Sadly karma, in my experience this does not always apply to the cheating skank ho OW. People often seem to side with them, including women. And not just in my sitch. OW seem very good at playing the manipulative card, and sadly people often fall for it.

It will come out in the end though. Sadly it is often too late to repair the relationships with the BW.

So what can a Plan B-er expect for Christmas?

For my part, I had a very merry Christmas. There were tears in the morning � actually tears of happiness, though which makes a change from the previous one. Last Christmas day I woke up in tears because there was something very wrong with my marriage and I didn�t know what it was or how to fix it. I would never have said so at the time, because I blamed myself, but I wasn�t looking forward to exchanging gifts. This was because I expected cruelty from him. Cruel words, and the blame for something I couldn�t change. As it happened he was pretty civil and only said I had �done too much� and made �too much fuss�. It was so strange and inexplicable at the time but now I can see them just as words resulting from very typical wayward guilt.

It is priceless to stand in a place of knowledge, where things make sense and I can make sensible plans. I hope to goodness I will never be chicken enough to let a betrayed spouse suffer ignorance out of my own fear to speak, as others did to me.

This time I was woken up by my mother, who remains a child on Christmas to this day. It was lovely being somewhere where I was loved and where the love was a simple thing, with no riddles to solve. We waited until my brother and sister, their other halves and children showed up to exchange gifts.

My niece stomped up the stairs while I was doing my hair, angry I had not greeted her at the door but instantly forgiving. She told me Father Christmas had brought her a �puppy that would never grow up and a fairy doll filled with lights�.

There was nothing fancy or expensive given this year, which suited me very well, but many pretty and useful things changed hands. My gingerbread house was also a hit. Then we all snuggled in for a few days of solid family time.

I won�t say that there were no sad moments, there was one descended on me and I �weeped a little weep� for ten minutes or so on Boxing Day. (That�s the day after Christmas, for non Brits!) It was the first sad moment to happen in many months and I can�t really say why it came about. I feel much better off for being in Plan B, much gladder and lighter. I think it was sadness at the sheer waste of a marriage he has chosen to indulge in. Ten years, and many good things were chucked out so he could chase some seemingly greener grass. Meanwhile I am growing my own very lovely meadow, ready for the new things of the new year.

Had an interview today for a job I really want. I was HALF AN HOUR late.
I got a bit lost, but still had loads of time and knew I wasnt far away (I sort of know the area but a little knowledge is sometimes worse than none) but then I foolishly took some bad directions which sounded both right and confident and got VERY lost

Then I went to the wrong building at the site when I did get there. I ended up running over a field as a short cut to the right building and got all mudddy! I had called in good time as soon as things began going pear-shaped to tell them what was going on, but half an hour is so late! I dont see how I can possibly get the job now.

They accepted my apology when I showed up, but probably they were just being nice.

Bizarrely it was one of the best interviews Ive ever had and it went really well. They set me a test and a presentation to do as well which also went brilliantly.

So Ive just been sitting here kicking myself. I get into such scrapes some times and I wonder if I will ever be organised and grown up.

On another topic, I have been wondering lately whether I should unfriend the FB frends who were mutual friends of mine and softlad. One at least seems to have known about the A, so I think he should go. Others havent been in touch at all and they were on the exposure list. Maybe people go into shock though and dont know what to say? Cynical me however says that when faced with two friends against one - they supported the adulterers over the betrayed due to sheer numbers.

One friend got in touch on FB today. She is an ex of a friend of ours and we drifted apart when they broke up. We were good mates at one time, but she socialises in entirely different circle these days.

She had seen on softlads status a message about emigrating and was about to ask me where we were headed when she noticed my relationship status says separated.She messaged saying 'Hope you are ok? Sending lots of hugs' Which means a whole lot, actually.

So I told her the whole sordid tale and thanked her for checking in on me.

About the emigration, I had been told that he was looking to go on the 5th, but apparently he is still around.

I smell a rat.

Get an iPhone.


Unfriend them. I recently did this (including unfriending my XWW) and it felt pretty liberating.

Good luck on the interview, don't count yourself out yet.


As far as unfriending people I would judge each one as much as they knew about the adultry, how close they were,and so on...Even the exposure targets might have thought you just had a tiff. FB has a way of being far to personal and we can say a lot of things we wish we hadn't.


Glad you hooked up with your old friend and they are on your side and consoling,and supportive, that sort of stuff can work miracles on your self esteem and confidance..

Succinct but I think you are right! I usually have a sat nav for situations like this but the lead was broken. A iPhone would be a nice Plan B treat too....

Thanks CP. There are a few male friends of softlads I think knew about the A and didnt say anything so thats an easy one.Theres one I am stuck on tho. Our circle of friends had four ladies, myself, my sister, OW, and the fourth is married to one of the boys I am thinking of unfriending.

Havent heard a peep from her. I think her h will have told her to keep her nose out tho. But I think it is just me not wanting to believe that she just wasnt really a friend. I wouldnt ask for permission to do something so simple. One message is easy enough to do and is all I would have needed.

I think I am going to do it.

Plan B progress going pretty well this week. Ive discovered this daily vitamin tablet called Barocca and I have shed loads more energy. Its brilliant I must have been lacking something. Anyway my house is clean (miracle) I have done a bunch of DIY jobs around the house that have been buggin me for ages (double miracle) and did some A* level maths questions in class this week with ease. (hat trick)

What a shame I didnt find them before my cringing episode of lateness to that interview. Ho hum. I got the rejection letter and I have to call up for feedback. Like I need it. Yet I will anyway as you never know when your paths will cross again. At least I have found another good job advertised - theres been nothing for months. Maybe this recession is easing up - or everyone is having credit crunch babies.

Well new job or not, the whole house is being redecorated. Myself and a friend who similarly disovered an OW a few weeks after she got engaged have made a pact. The houses need to stop reminding us of the bad boys who got kicked out on their [censored]. So I do her house one weekend and she helps in mine the next. This way we manage to get a great deal of gossiping going at the same time. So operation painting every room in the house begins this weekend with a grand spring clean and de-clutter.

How amazing that I am so happy when it just me. Just me and my plans. That's all you really need. Now to get the message across to people who fear Plan B as though it was a giant killer hedgehog!

I KNOW, RIGHT.

Good on ya. You sound like you are doing GREAT. Sorry about that job. There will be something even better for ya out there.

I LOVE to hear when Plan Bers are getting their lives together and not only surviving their spouses affair, but THRIVING.

I know right! Get into Plan B, you lot.