Repost, since you asked about extraordinary precautions:

I wonder if she is really in it. No real proof so far

What do you mean no real proof so far??? What do you see that I am not seeing??

I have told all everything, I am reading my books, ready for poly today. I take full blame for my actions can't understand why I did what I did. I am working with H answer all questions repeated questions.

That is really cute and winsome that you are sitting there reading some books while the Titanic sinks, but how about addressing the real problem; ie: your MARRIAGE? Did you remember that? You read some books 10 years ago and it didn't make any difference. It won't a difference now and it doesn't fool us into thinking you are serious.

Saying you "take the blame" for your actions doesn't mean anything without some real action. Talk is cheap.

And yes, we know why you have affairs: because you chase men. So lets get honest about that. You chase men and sometimes you catch them. NEXT! The solution is to set up your life in such a way that you CAN'T chase men. That means intgrating your lifestyle with your husband and spending as much time as possible with him. Would it be possible to work with him at the same place?

We told you what to do several days ago and you have done NONE of it. Put the silly damn book down and get to work:


Do you and your husband work different shifts? If so, then you need to start looking for another job or ask for another shift. Your lives need to be as integrated as possible so that your husband is with you for ALL your leisure time.

And what about men at work? Is your job the type where you chase men openly at work? DEscribe the opportunities for chasing down men at work? Have you gotten it on with any guys there yet?

here ya go! How about getting off your butt and do what we suggested?

You are not seeing a gun and a motorcycle. You are not selling your personal belongings to let the poly happen asap. Thus you are not volunteering the help.

Here's a "put your money where your mouth is" action for you;

contact a lawyer, and have him draw up a post-nup which states that you will receive no more than 25% of marital assets, with no legal fees or alimony, nor other monies, in the event that you divorce due to further infidelity from you.

Don't wait for him to ask for it, don't wait for him to do it, go down and do it yourself. Pay for it yourself.

You can do it.

It's been done. We've seen it. After ONE affair.

I'm going to pin you down on this, because I get the impression that you are dodging the question.

I've asked you twice to tell us when you are scheduled for a polygraph, and both times you did not respond. Now you're saying that you are 'ready for poly today'. Are you saying you are physically/emotionally ready to take one as of today, or that you are ready to take the poly that is scheduled for today?

Those are two different things, and your silence as an answer to my direct question and disengenuous references to a poly 'today' smacks of avoidance and manipulation. Am I wrong?

No were not selling the motorcycle it needs repaired after it was stolen, don't have $ to fix it. I am not selling my rifle cause it's my hunting rifle that I use to go hunting with my husband. Something we do together.

I am waiting on husband to schedule poly since he did the research he knows all the details. I am not avoiding the question I just don't have an answer for you. Right now we agreed to wait till after Christmas cause we would like our kids to have a decent Christmas. It would not be fair to them to get absolutely nothing when they did nothing wrong.

So yes you are wrong the avoidance was I have no answer for you, nothing to manipulate!!!

How often do you do this? When is your next hunting trip scheduled?

Well we just went Saturday and our son can use it as well.

This really bothers me.

Seriously, lock the guns away and give the ammunition to a friend for safe keeping.

Hunting can wait.

You have been posted to repeatedly regarding Extraordinary Precautions.

Yet I don't think we have seen you mention one single EP you are going to implement to keep this from happening again.

As the BW of a serial cheater, this is very alarming to me.

As you have (hopefully) realized, willpower and good intentions won't keep you from cheating again. It is all about changing the conditions that have enabled you to have all these affairs.

Can you tell us, have you read up on Extraordinary Precautions?

If so, what is your plan to protect your BH & M? What conditions do you think need to be changed to stop this from happening again?

Susie, the last I checked, she was still asking where she could find information about extraordinary precautions.

When she first started asking questions, I was impressed; took that as a sign she was ready to work. But she's still asking the same questions, which is a bit worrisome.

So far absolutely no actions that indicate any seriousness on her part.

Senn's wife,

I had an EA that luckily blew up before it wrecked my family. Once it blew up, I did EVERYTHING in my power to right the wrong. If you need to sell stuff, walk dogs or whatever to come up with some extra money to get the poly...do it! Don't wait for Senn and rely on him because he did the research and thinks you should wait till January.

Take charge of this and take action to show him him much your family and marriage mean to you. Get going!

Relying on Senn to decide when the time is right or when you have money seems to be enforcing a bad pattern in your marriage. You let him lead but sneak around behind him. Get out front and start making things right. Don't lay this burden on him. That pattern has not served either of you well.

Sell the motorcycle for parts. Seriously! This is the cost of having an affair with your husband's BEST FRIEND.

She says she read SAA, so she shouldn't be ignorant to what EPs are. I see two posters here, Senn and Senn's wife, who like to make noise so they can say they tried. I see no actual effort.

Please don't blame Marriage Builders if you are unable to rebuild your marriage. There are enough posters on the internet who whine that Marriage Builders didn't work for them, when the truth is that they came here, expecting a magical potion or lotion that would just wash over them and make it all better. They didn't want to do the work, and their marriages failed. They still need to have the ability to talk about their marriage, but they know they can't come back here without being called out for their failure to do the work required to save their marriages. So they whine about it elsewhere.

Do the work. Don't be 'those' posters.

I think a lot of people have the idea that there's nothing they really can do, they just need time "to heal," as well as "support." So they are here to talk to get that "support."

But Dr. Harley says the path to successful recovery from an affair is narrow. Alter the plan, miss something, do nothing, and failure is pretty much inevitable.

It would be extremely irresponsible of us on this forum not to help educate people about the plan and the need to make changes in their marriage to recover.