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I am sorry but I must ask: I have started reading "Surviving an affair". I am doing everything he asks. What do you mean when I get SERIOUS???? If you are serious and were doing everything outlined in SAA, why didn't follow his instructions for the NC letter? Why has it taken three weeks to even have the NCL composed (never mind sent)?
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since I hate to screw up ANYTHING!! I am sorry to tell you but...you are still screwing up. Big time. Three weeks and the NCL still isn't sent? After having 6+ affairs, you can't be bothered to share your detailed Extraordinary Precaution list with us, despite being asked several times? You realize we are actually trying to help you save your M, right? Not just posting this stuff to you for the fun of it?
Last edited by SusieQ; 12/30/11 04:46 PM.
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Can you actually LIST out your Extraordinary Precautions? We need you to be specific (number them)...this is not the time to be vague. Yes, it is THAT important. This is the third time now I am asking for this, in addition to many others who have asked you about your EPs. As long as you keep posting, I am going to keep asking.
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Can you actually LIST out your Extraordinary Precautions? We need you to be specific (number them)...this is not the time to be vague. Yes, it is THAT important. This is the third time now I am asking for this, in addition to many others who have asked you about your EPs. As long as you keep posting, I am going to keep asking. My husband knows the EP we have talked about. I am sorry that I dont have time to list them now but I will squeeze time out to list them before long.
Last edited by senninpaswife; 12/31/11 12:31 PM.
I am the WS
BH, love him dearly
~It's not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line. ~Ashleigh Brilliant
~When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
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Just to point out ... it's rather confusing, but I believe the text of the projected letter(s) is split into two parts .... above the asterisks, to the OMW .... below the asterisks, to the OM. Thank you for actually understanding that yes there are two letters. I will send a letter to the OMW because she was my friend and if she wants to wipe her [censored] with it so be it! I will go back an edit some of it. Below the as-tricks was for the OM and I will delete the scripture since it sounds Hypocritical.
I am the WS
BH, love him dearly
~It's not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line. ~Ashleigh Brilliant
~When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
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Can you actually LIST out your Extraordinary Precautions? We need you to be specific (number them)...this is not the time to be vague. Yes, it is THAT important. This is the third time now I am asking for this, in addition to many others who have asked you about your EPs. As long as you keep posting, I am going to keep asking. Wow Susie Q you and a few others must have all the time in the world. It must be nice to be a stay at home women with few responsibilities and to sit at the computer picking over everyone's thread and responding that your trying to help... with your advice you make a great psychotherapist, who needs a degree!. Damn those holidays. They should change there timing so I can just drop everything. My kids will understand why we aren't having Christmas this year and oh yeah I can afford not to go to work.... My husband knows the EP we have talked about. I am sorry that I dont have time to list them now but I will squeeze time out to list them before long. Yet, you found the time to have 6-7 affairs.... 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Can you actually LIST out your Extraordinary Precautions? We need you to be specific (number them)...this is not the time to be vague. Yes, it is THAT important. This is the third time now I am asking for this, in addition to many others who have asked you about your EPs. As long as you keep posting, I am going to keep asking. Wow Susie Q you and a few others must have all the time in the world. It must be nice to be a stay at home women with few responsibilities and to sit at the computer picking over everyone's thread and responding that your trying to help... with your advice you make a great psychotherapist, who needs a degree!. Damn those holidays. They should change there timing so I can just drop everything. My kids will understand why we aren't having Christmas this year and oh yeah I can afford not to go to work.... My husband knows the EP we have talked about. I am sorry that I dont have time to list them now but I will squeeze time out to list them before long. Being a smartass is the fastest way to get people to stop posting to you. Good luck with that.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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[
I will send a letter to the OMW because she was my friend and if she wants to wipe her [censored] with it so be it! I will go back an edit some of it. Below the as-tricks was for the OM and I will delete the scripture since it sounds Hypocritical. Why don't you show some compassion and leave the woman alone? No BS wants to hear from the OW. She has been harmed enough by you and doesn't need be reminded of her worst nightmare. Do you think the rape victim wants to hear from her rapist? No, she doesn't. Just leave her the hell alone. How about actually USING Marriage Builders for once and do what Dr Harley advises? Send a no contact letter to the OM and leave well enough alone. And please don't tell them to "work on their marriage" when you are the one who wrecked it. That is really sick. That is like the rapist lecturing his victim about getting psychological help.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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How much time did you spend shagging your friend's husband? Could you commit that much time to salvaging your marriage?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Wow Susie Q you and a few others must have all the time in the world. It must be nice to be a stay at home women with few responsibilities and to sit at the computer picking over everyone's thread I work seven days a week, and I take care of two children, by myself, thank you very much. It should take you, hmmm, maybe 10 minutes to write a NCL letter fashioned after the one in SAA but it has taken you three weeks... Writing out your EPs and posting them should take you, IDK, maybe an hour?? Especially given that you were handed some very good ones from another FWS here on a silver platter. Lastly, you couldn't even be bothered to answer the question Sorry, but your excuses are not good ones.
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Can you actually LIST out your Extraordinary Precautions? We need you to be specific (number them)...this is not the time to be vague. Yes, it is THAT important. This is the third time now I am asking for this, in addition to many others who have asked you about your EPs. As long as you keep posting, I am going to keep asking. Wow Susie Q you and a few others must have all the time in the world. It must be nice to be a stay at home women with few responsibilities and to sit at the computer picking over everyone's thread and responding that your trying to help... with your advice you make a great psychotherapist, who needs a degree!. Damn those holidays. They should change there timing so I can just drop everything. My kids will understand why we aren't having Christmas this year and oh yeah I can afford not to go to work.... My husband knows the EP we have talked about. I am sorry that I dont have time to list them now but I will squeeze time out to list them before long. Good grief, YOU HAD AN AFFAIR. You shouldnt be able to even sleep until these very basic first steps TOWARDS repentance are done. I wouldnt even let my wayward back in the house before it was done, it wont take more than an hour or two. You found the time to have an affair - how stupid do we look? Cut the pity party. Are you done with the letter and the EPs or is there a reason you dont want to tell us about as to why you dont want to do them? If I was your husband I would be exceptionally wary as to why this Christmas my feelings of betrayal were entirely swept under the rug by my 'busy' wife. But hey, you probably got him a gift or something instead.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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There are honest and good people here who are attempting to help you and you are acting like a self centered spoiled brat. Time to look outside yourself and look at the path of destruction that you have created. Time to suck it up. Follow what the vets say, be humble, and do the right thing.
I am done with the 2X4. Next.
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Can you actually LIST out your Extraordinary Precautions? We need you to be specific (number them)...this is not the time to be vague. Yes, it is THAT important. This is the third time now I am asking for this, in addition to many others who have asked you about your EPs. As long as you keep posting, I am going to keep asking. Wow Susie Q you and a few others must have all the time in the world. It must be nice to be a stay at home women with few responsibilities and to sit at the computer picking over everyone's thread and responding that your trying to help... with your advice you make a great psychotherapist, who needs a degree!. Damn those holidays. They should change there timing so I can just drop everything. My kids will understand why we aren't having Christmas this year and oh yeah I can afford not to go to work.... My husband knows the EP we have talked about. I am sorry that I dont have time to list them now but I will squeeze time out to list them before long. More posts like this will be followed by, "Why is no one posting to me anymore?" posts. Do you WANT help? I know you NEED it, but do you WANT to save your marriage? And, I am quite certain that NONE of the women posting to you are SAHM's BTW. But, if they were, they would be taking time away from their family to help YOU. You are NOT entitled to help, don't bite the hand that feeds you, you just might starve.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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More posts like this will be followed by, "Why is no one posting to me anymore?" posts.
Do you WANT help? I know you NEED it, but do you WANT to save your marriage?
And, I am quite certain that NONE of the women posting to you are SAHM's BTW. But, if they were, they would be taking time away from their family to help YOU. You are NOT entitled to help, don't bite the hand that feeds you, you just might starve. And to top it off, it's not off the cuff advice, but solid advice that works. CV
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Dear lady,
In you last few posts you have insulted and demeaned the efforts to assist you of charitable women from four countries (Britain, Canada, the US, and Texas). ETA: Australia just chimed in, four posts down. None of them have any great investment in your happiness, though they might have some in that of your husband. They are doing what they do on their own time because they have been through the horror that you have visited on him. My advice to you would be:
When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging!
Your efforts at the letters to OM and OMW were not terrible. They needed some work, and a quick look would confirm the several and various edits all focused on the same points - excusing your actions and "sugar-coating" the dungpile you have left for others to clean up. (ML, of course, went all minimalist, but that is due to her depth of knowledge.)
To help yourself, and your BH, your best answer should have been: Thanks, got it, I'll make the recommended adjustments.
I don't know if they'll continue to work with you here. It may be that you got the conflict you wanted, and can now return to your BH and say, "Well, I tried. They were nasty to me!" I do know, however, that they remain your best hope for getting out of that hole we discussed earlier.
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Just to point out ... it's rather confusing, but I believe the text of the projected letter(s) is split into two parts .... above the asterisks, to the OMW .... below the asterisks, to the OM. Thank you for actually understanding that yes there are two letters. Come on,,,, EVERYBODY understood there were two letters! We all understood clearly! That is why we ALL have suggested that you NOT send anything other than what Dr. Harley recommends. I will send a letter to the OMW because she was my friend and if she wants to wipe her [censored] with it so be it! I will go back an edit some of it. Below the as-tricks was for the OM and I will delete the scripture since it sounds Hypocritical. It's obvious that you have a great deal of disdain for those on this forum that are trying to help you. Why? You choose to insult stay at home moms, erroneously suggesting they have more time than you, without realizing that the majority of those following and responding to you are women (and men) with outide of the home careers. It would bode well for you if you actually took the time to read some of their stories. I'm a FWS myself, I work full time (average 70 hours a week), help with our six children, attend church, spend 15 hrs of UA time with my wife and still have time to read and post on the forums. I also have time for other leisure activities. So belittling posters and assuming we have more time than you is not productive, nor is it accurate. So PLEASE stop! In regards to an apology letter to the other BS.... If you really want to do that, I'd recommend it happen ONLY with your husbands enthusiastic agreement and with his full involvement and with his willingness to deliver said letter.... Otherwise it doesn't happen. But I will add this caveat, I think it's a huge mistake, in your current stage of recovery, to consider anything other than a NC Letter. Why you ask? Bcause at the stage of recovery you are currently in, you are still focused on what YOU want, how to save face, how to still justify some of what you did and how to minimize your consequences as well as the amount of work you'll need to do.... Yes, I know you'll agree to do things, but at this stage I'm betting it's only if you can do it the way you want to.... I know you!
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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As Peanut said...polish a turd, it's still a turd.
Why must you insult so many fine women? What have they ever done to you?
Oh, that's right.
They told you to put your name on the pile of crap you smashed in your BHs face. They told you to...SHOCK!...actually CLEAN IT UP!
Either shape up and start acting like a real woman or your BH will make the difficult decisions of this FOR YOU!
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Just wanted to say that as a "mostly" SAHM, I was offended. I am raising a total of 8 children, homeschooling, work one day a week in a professional job, cook, clean go to Dr. Appts, get groceries and go to church etc. all with fibromyalgia/ chronic fatigue and a husband only home two days a week. You have some arrogance issues to deal with, IMHO.
Last edited by Wonderingif; 12/31/11 02:25 AM.
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I'm disgusted. SAHM or not, you have demeaned the posters and the time volunteered to give you advice that works. I think if a poster is a SAHM or a full-time worker is irrelevant. The advice is what matters. Do you think you're better because you work? That is the tone you took. Other posters are right. You still found the time to cheat.
This ain't remorseful. This is insulting to the hand that feeds you. Why? Because they are interupting your waywardness, asking you to.confront yourself. You don't want that. You are showing through your lack of posting EPs and your posts here that you prefer to remain wayward in your attitude. Please stop. Please think. Read the posts to you. Listen. This is your opportunity to make changes. You may not have another one.
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Dear lady,
In you last few posts you have insulted and demeaned the efforts to assist you of charitable women from four countries (Britain, Canada, the US, and Texas). ETA: Australia just chimed in, four posts down. None of them have any great investment in your happiness, though they might have some in that of your husband. They are doing what they do on their own time because they have been through the horror that you have visited on him. My advice to you would be:
Your efforts at the letters to OM and OMW were not terrible. They needed some work, and a quick look would confirm the several and various edits all focused on the same points - excusing your actions and "sugar-coating" the dungpile you have left for others to clean up. (ML, of course, went all minimalist, but that is due to her depth of knowledge.)When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging!
To help yourself, and your BH, your best answer should have been: Thanks, got it, I'll make the recommended adjustments.
I don't know if they'll continue to work with you here. It may be that you got the conflict you wanted, and can now return to your BH and say, "Well, I tried. They were nasty to me!" I do know, however, that they remain your best hope for getting out of that hole we discussed earlier. No insulting others is not fundamental at all but there are times you cant bite your tongue and you feel like you cant get a word in edge wise cause they post to fast and IMO pick at some things that seem pointless. IMO Maybe I am so use to this stupid hole that it's comfortable and I don't know any other difference. IDK. Thanks everyone for your time.
I am the WS
BH, love him dearly
~It's not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line. ~Ashleigh Brilliant
~When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
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