one thing.... I see samples of telling OM ex, MIL, FIL, etc, but I don't see any suggestions on what to say to the kids. Of course I can talk to my own children but some pointers on what to avoid etc. I DON'T want to make this about revenge or turning them against their Mom or putting them on my side, etc. I just want them to know the truth from me. I don't want to keep this from them any longer.

Maybe I just answered my own question But any tips or links would be appreciated.

G6

Do it like you are a dog whisperer ... Calm assertive. No name calling .. no slander... just facts. Plain and simple. Dont be emotional about it either. James bond style ...

Well, dont talk to them about revenge obviously! and dont call their mum names or encourage them to hate her..... I dont think you would do that anyway.

Say the truth, thats all. Say 'You mother is having an affair. I have asked her to end it because I love her and think we can still make it work if she agrees to end it.' Then answer any questions they have.

You dont need to teach them to love their mother no matter what. they already do.

You dont need to teach them to want the best for her - they already do.

If you are cool and calm and say that you are giving her every chance to repent and undo what she has done - they will support that.

Try it and see. I imagine you will also be surprised at how much they already know/have seen.

Thank you! Plus I found some tips from Dr. Harley in Mel's first post WAY back on page one, in her Exposure 101 link. I'll read through those too.

Tell them the facts. Give them the OM's name and phone #. Ask them to be honest with their mother about their disappointment. The more people she hears from the more likely she will be to end her affair.

One of the things I absolutely loved about exposure was how the APs drop each other like thieves holding hot goods.

In private before exposure:

Me: 'Do you have feelings for her?'
WH: (looking torn) 'I don't know! Its so hard! I need to find myself!'

After exposure

WH to anyone who would listen: 'I dont have feelings for her! Its ridiculous! I dont find her attractive at all!'

OW to anyone who would listen: 'As if I would do that. WH isnt exactly my type either if you know what I mean..'

Not very nice things to hear your secret love saying about you. I might have messed up the romance a bit for them.

G6, I've been reading your thread, but have refrained from posting often as my....enthusiasm....for rigorously dealing with WWs has occasionally put off BHs faced with the need for exposure.

But you are now READY, my friend. You have progressed from:

• I can't do this, to
• I can do this, to
• I should do this, to
• I must do this!

Now is the time, G6.

Ok, sportsfans, time for another update. We have managed to extract the low octane fuel from Flight G6 and have replaced it with high octane MB fuel. G6 is ready to go and has been cleared to take of from runway 1. For some unknown reason the pilot of Flight G6 has taken it upon himself to do an exhaustive inspection of all flaps and gyros and is in peril of being grounded for the foreseeable future.

Wonder what the passengers (children)of flight G6 would have to say about that? Why couldn't the pilot achieve lift-off and steer the plane towards the first leg of the flight? Shouldn't the pilot be worried that the passengers really revere, respect and love the pilot for keeping his family on the straight and narrow?

Stay tuned for the next episode.

T/J : I know just how hard it must have been for you to refrain here NG...

So did you do it or are you still evaluating?

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I hope and pray he did it ...

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"Edited by me"

A reminder to all posters to help with Marriage Builders advice or refrain from posting.

ok, so I need some help..... I did expose last week, but it hasn't gone as planned. I have been waiting to post because I am waiting to see what's going on. I was all set to expose last Tuesday, and by the time I got everything in order (mostly my courage), it was after 7PM, going on 8, so I thought it might be close to 10 or 11 by the time I finished and folks might not want to talk or call her etc, so I felt the next day in the afternoon would be better. So that was fine, I had made up my mind that on Wednesday afternoon I was going to do it. WW and I started talking that night and I guess since I was excited knowing I was about to expose I was relaxed during our talk and told her I how felt about things and I raised my voice some, not shouting or fighting but I did raise my voice. Our son that's home overheard and left, he slammed the door as he left. She said great he probably heard what you said about OM. I said well if he did he's not about hearing the truth, he's just upset about what the truth is.

So, I went out and found my son, he's 20 by the way. I asked him what he he heard and he said nothing just that we were not getting along. I wasn't sure if he really knew or not and maybe just didn't want to open up. So I went ahead and told him, then called his three brothers. Sooooo, he I was not wanting to do this at 8PM and I ened up doing it after midnight. ugh! The good news is I was calm and didn't say anything bad about thier Mom and made it clear that this isn't meant to hurt her, but to help her, and hopefully to help save our marriage and keep our family together. They were all upset and not happy about her actions, they couldn't believe that I had been so patient with her for four months!

Then the next morning I called MIL and the OM ex.... great, right?

No....

My MIL was very upset and couldn't believe it, however she said she doesn't think she should get involved.... what?! She said, well she isn't comfortable with confrontation, and that's where WW gets it from she said. The sad thing is she has great advice, talking about her own relationships, hormones, mid-life etc, and her own experience with these things. I said that's great stuff to talk to your daughter about!

OM ex, could NOT believe this. Turns out they're not even divorced yet, he won't sign the papers! He keeps nickle and diming her.... we both just laughed at how silly he is.... trying to take her for ride while committing adultery for the past two years. Ok, so she's over him but upset with my wife, which she has knowns since they were in middle school. BUT she doesn't want to say anything because she wants to talk to her laywer about the adultery. Can't say I blamed her for that. Then she decided after talking to the laywer that she is going to tell OM she knows and my wife. Great, so she calls him several times but he doesn't answer so she left a voicemail. Then she said she's going to call my wife. She doesn't.... ugh! Then she said maybe she'll post something on her FB, or call then FB.... neither! So I text and say what's up? She said it's not worth my energy, forget them! I said, but do it for me. Nah, you need to move on and forget about them. Ugh.

Then my kids.... only the 20 year old that's at home has confronted mom and she said, well now that your Dad has made a big deal of this. He said, what, Mom, it IS a big deal! And Dad didn't do anything, in fact, he's kept this between to two of you for four months trying to work it out. So he knew he was getting upset so he just left and cooled off.... smart for sure.

The other three boys are all upset and I'm sure the two older ones will talk to her next week when they come home for Christmas. The youngest (18) comes home today, but I don't know if he will even talk to her at all, maybe when he has his brothers there.

So.... it hasn't worked exactly by the book, haha.

BUT.... she came to me on Sunday and said she had a proposal. Yes? She said how about I stay here during the holidays and the end of the year then we part ways. I said, why are you asking me this. I have already told you you can stay here two days, two weeks, the rest of your life as long as you end the affair. Can you do that? She said yes. I said not just the phyiscal part but no contact. She said well, I'll probably still talk to him then I just laughed and said, then no. And I let myself get too upset and I said you can just get out now... NOW! NOW! She went up and packed up some stuff but then we went back to talking. ugh! So she said, I don't know, I can't do this anymore, this is crazy, I should stay here and continue being Mom. I said what? This is crazy.... this day has gone from a silly proposal that you already knew the answer to, to me yelling and screaming (first time since this all happend in the past four monts), to you packing up, to now wanting to end the affair and stay.

I said, I'm not even going to watch the game, I'm going for a ride. She know, stay and watch the game. I said, I'm going out. Think all of this over, if you're still here when I get back I will assume you are serious about ending the affair and trying to stay. If you're gone I'll know that wasn't your choice. I went out, and when I came back she was still there, in fact, she was doing house work.

Strange day! So then I said you need to end this with him, but not in person or even over the phone. Send an email or write a letter. She said ok.

She didn't, but she did call him the next day, which is how I figured she would do it. I asked her that night if she talked to him and she said yes. I said what did you say. She said "goodbye". I said, really? That simple huh? Two year affair over just like that?? She said yep. So we talked very little because she didn't want to discuss it.

Then yesterday I asked if he called and she said no. I said did you call him and she said no. And she was fine with me if we're talking about our day, dinner etc. I start to talk to her about him and she clams up. I said well we don't have to have some big talk but we should probably talk about it a little. No, we dont' need to talk about it. Then what do you want to do. We just go back to how we were she said. I said, no, that's probably what got us in this mess.

So I am not sure if I should pressure her or jsut assume she is going through some withdrawal.

I know once our kids our all home next week the impact of this will have to hit home for her. She will realize she isn't just betraying me but her family too. She isn't just choosing him over me but over her children too. Or should I beleive she is truly trying to end the affair and stay? She did call him last night, but it was a 2 min call so I'm guessing voice mail and he didn't call her back after they talked about ending it. I saw that was an 18 min call and nothing the rest of the day on Monday and nothing yesterday until the 2 min call around 5:30PM.

So..... long post but I had some catching up to do. The big thing for me to take from all of this is I SHOULD have done it over Thanksgiving when I had my kids all there in person and it probably would have been more of an exposure. But I think it's still happening, it's just a time released version.

Thoughts?

Giraffe6

Giraffe, does your wife come on here and read ?? Does she know you post here ?