Lesson learned. Don't EVER trust your ws.

Thought we were recovering after the EA/probable PA with her former boss. 2 years later (even after she was fired by this same boss), something didn't feel right... Guess what? Found out this morning it never ended. She doesn't know that I found out.

I have no one but myself to blame:
-I didn't handle things right. We started to use Marriage Builders principles, but BOTH stopped after a while thinking we were ok.
-I didn't "trust but verify".
-I didn't expose the way I should have.
-I honestly thought that things had stopped - she was upset with being fired, it's brought us to the edge of financial ruin, and were well on the way to divorce. NONE OF THAT MATTERED TO HER - THE AFFAIR NEVER STOPPED.

So, if an idiot of a man can offer a few words of advice:

We are all here for the same reason. LISTEN TO THE ADVICE GIVEN TO YOU. There are some very smart and experienced people who have been through this, and they will tell you EXACTLY what to do to save your marriage. For God's sake, listen to them (even when they have to use 2 x 4's to get the point across) and STAY WITH THE PLAN. I know, some of the things you will be told to do seem extreme, mean, divisive, counterproductive, etc. You will think, "Well, I don't think I need to go that far, things are looking better." DON'T BELIEVE IT.

Don't end up like me - sitting at work, wondering how I could be so stupid. Wondering if this is really it. Wondering if I can stay in this marriage for the sake of my son. Wondering if I have what it takes to try again. Wondering exactly what I should do now.

And let me tell you, you don't want to be "here".

FALSE RECOVERY - voices of experience

Now's your chance.
Expose today.
All at once.
Global exposure.
Everyone on your Christmas card list.
NO WARNING what-so-ever.

Start with OM's spouse/girlfriend.

How old is your son?

Immediately after exposure, take any fluid money, and place it in a safe account.
Put a GPS on her car, now.
I'm hoping she does not come to MB ..... just yet.
Do you think she might?

After exposure .... just sit back and wait for WW's response.
No need to inform her.

Welcome to MB, ez. I am sorry to hear this news.

Have you ever posted on MB before? What was your posting name?

I think his WW knows all about MB according to his first post.

Possibly - but I'd like to read what he posted and what advice he was given last time around, if he posted here.

We are mid 30's. Son is 11. Also have a daughter, 19, who I adopted when we married.

Yes, I was here before. I honestly don't remember my username then. I only made 1 or 2 posts, but am more of a reader, so I gained a lot of knowledge from the posts and from reading the 3-4 books I purchased through here.

I was given the standard MB advice, and I used other posts to gain even more knowledge. Unfortunately, I wasn't smart enough to USE the advice and knowledge.

She knows about MB from the books. Not sure she knows about the website, and doubt she would visit if she did.

What year were you here?

2008 I think.

Oh wow.... think the OM's job would be in jeapordy if they knew he was boinking a subordinate that he fired?

Possible sexual harrasment lawsuit there...

OM was already fired from that job - partially due to my wifes' termination... Now runs his own company.

OM is married, with children (ages from grade school to high school, I think).

Exposure to son:

DS, Mom has a boyfriend.
Married people are not supposed to date other people.
I am very upset with her.
Do you have any questions?
You can always come to me when you do have questions.
I am here for you.

Exposure to DD:

DD, Mom has been having an affair with (name) since (year).
I thought she had ended her affair in (year) but I just discovered she has been secretly continuing this adultery.
I am very upset.
I hope Mom stops this affair, or the marriage will end.
Do you have any questions?
You can always ask me anything.
I am here for you.

GPS her car
Secure finances
Expose to one and all
Then, Plan A ....
Read the carrot/stick link in my sig line

Oh, #$%@ it Pepperband... Thanks a lot - I had been holding myself together fairly well, then I read your "conversation" with DS. *insert long string of not-so-nice language*

Your DS deserves at least one honest parent.
Tough stuff.
Necessary.
DS will sense something is wrong in the home.
It's easier on him if he knows that he is not the cause of any problems.

I suggest you expose to DD19 first.
Then to DS11.
Bring DD19 in with you if you think that would be helpful.

Plus children tend to see and hear a lot more than they are supposed to. For all you know he knows stuff that he doenst know whether he should tell or not.

My young cousin, who is very close to me (about age of your son) saw my WH and OW holding hands in the street. Didnt know what to make of it, didnt tell anyone cause he didnt want to make anyone mad. Then carried the guilt of not speaking up.

Be responsible by ensuring this has not happened with your son - and that it cannot happen.

Kids arent stupid.

I exposed to ds9. I have never regretted it. He was given the truth of his life and now he is an amazing 11 year old who can hold his own in conversations with his dad (my WXH) concerning the OW and how insulting it is for him to keep her in his life.