I don't even celebrate Christmas but I LOVED the suggestion that you still buy a X-Mas present. Like the final nail in the coffin of a Plan A. It needs to be really special, meaningful....something that she won't be able to stand to look at if she continues in her waywardness. And that doesn't mean it needs to cost a bunch...

Id go for a 'nostalgia hamper' - a pic of you two when you started dating in a nice frame. A DVD of a movie you went to see, A CD of 'your song', any references to private jokes that you can squeeze in there, etc, a love letter....

What does she like?

What I got was that he thinks she is gone. And that your exposure certainly did NOT make her continue the affair....just because she didn't stop the affair at exposure ....he said without exposure she certainly wouldn't have stopped.

He advised you to basically continue on your path. To plan A as long as you can take....and then go to Plan B....for a total of 2 years before you give up. And I hope you don't wait 2 years before moving on....but that is just my opinion.

Are there any pet names that you called her?

Actually get a tonne of pics, and write little jokes. admiring words on the back about stuff that happened that day.

this will make the average waywards head spin - they will be pulled into two by guilt and love of the admiration.

Heartfelt gifts, a DVD with pictures of your life together, with songs that are special to both of you.
this may help the history rewrite she is doing. Also, a scrapbook with pictures on cardstock, where you can write the occasion and add love type stickers. It would be similar to the writing on the backs of pictures, but you can add embellishments. Be sure to include the kids and your feelings toward them. The book doesn't have to be fancy, just from the heart. If you do a DVD, get the kids in on it, so she will be more inclined to watch it. Waywards do try to keep you from strumming their heart strings. Good luck ! GF

Ok...well she finally got on the computer and guess what she is looking at now? Girl on girl porn!!! Omg! I don't know what to do anymore!

GJM,

Keep on your current course, you are doing as well as you can, you are in a good place, none of this is your fault, perhaps there is just tons and tons of stuff your wife never told you perhaps not, be glad this came out now and not 10 years from now, you are still young and have a shot at a better relationship if WWs ship continues to sink.

In any event if she ever wants to get back together you may need to polygraph before you even consider it.

God Bless
Gamma

I wonder if that would affect custody. I'm disgusted by this.

GJM,

Not sure, but hold onto this intel, perhaps she will visit craigslist or something like that and you will have info. a PI could use to photograph them at a Motel or something. Not sure how admissible that would be in court.

God Bless
Gamma

Hold on.
It is amazing what you will discover about her that you just didn't ever know.

Just see your new knowledge as a sign you maybe don't know her that well and maybe she IS into some sort of jewelry, etc.

As for a gift, perhaps you could get her something lovely like a bracelet or necklace with the kids' birthstones in it.
She is a trainer (if I recall correctly), perhaps she could get some trainer's hot item like a pulse watch?

This ride will certainly open your emotional horizons. That isn't an all bad thing.
Something meaningful and shows you listen to her interests but still know she is a woman.

I'm a mess right now! I don't know what to do!

Do the plan. Just do the plan.

Put your messy emotions to one side, acknowledge them. Be compassionate to them.

Let the plans carry you through this horrible situation.

They will. I know they will.

Be Still!

I got the best answers for what to do with my marriage when I collected the evidence from a keylogger when my now XH was living away from me in an apt.

I'm still. I told WW I needed to come over to get a phone charger and sent my son in to get it. He was so smart, he came back and said he checked around to see if anyone was there. I was curious if she would let him in. I'm glad no one was there. I don't know what to do with the evidence though.

Oh and she was dumb enough to give me the charger to the prepaid phone I took. Now I can charge it if needed.

When they go wayward they lose their values. Think about a murderer or a theif. What kind of human are we dealing? God put Adultery smack dab in with murder and stealing for a reason, because the sin involved.

When one commits adultery they also murder and steal. They murder the one flesh created by the covenant of GOD, and they steal everything from their spouse and/or children.

It is the purest form of selfishness. What you learn is the longer they stay in adultery, the more they continue down the road to HELL. Their life is out of control, they are self destructing, and their soul is reaping with pain.

Her behavior will continually get worse as time moves along. Sin does this, and there is no way out unless they repent. Murderers and Thieves get put in jail. Unfortunately we don't do that with adulterers. Instead we let them wonder through society were they continue their destruction.

You have to look at your wife today as this kind of person. She isn't your wife. She is consumed by sin, which will lead her into a very destructive and demoralizing path. It is an awful path, and one that will ultimately destroy her.

The hardest lesson we betrayed must learn is we cannot save them. We cannot protect them from themselves.

Protect your children from this. Let her sit in her cesspool and rot. She will either get tired of the sink, or she will continue enjoying bathing in it. It is her choice.

ITA and QFT.

GJM, I haven't posted to you but have read along. I will reiterate what others have said. You are doing a great job and follow the plan.

Not that you should analyze what a wayward does, but it is also possible that her "high" from the affairs is dying and she is trying to find it again. She may have had thoughts about other women in the past and with her boundaries and morals shot, she is looking for that next big fix.

You don't want to let her know quite yet what you are doing. Have you read the art of war thread? It's really good for a BS in Plan A.

Stay the course and work the plans.

What I don't want to happen is for her to keep giving herself to other people until she finally crashes or catches a disease. I don't want her to have all these partners and then realize I was her best choice (which I am) and try to come back for the wrong reasons. I don't know if I can handle her being this worn out and used woman. I know I can't control her life and I can't do anything about what she does, but it's so heart breaking for me and the kids. I'm not going to tell her I know what she's doing, but I wish someone on her side would step up and wake her up. It's a shame really. I am at the point where I'm praying for HER as an individual to seek God. I can't even focus my prayers on marital restoration at this point. I'm just a spectator now and no matter how loud I yell, the crowd drowns out my voice and she doesn't hear me.