Susan,<P>First, construct a closure letter. Next call your H, and read it to him and explain the circumstances. If he is cool with the letter mail it to OM. Read on the Harley board what it ought to say. Your H knows you are still struggling with the OM thing. He is just in a position he can do nothing about it. <P>What you must realize is that your H is your best resource in this situation. Let him help you. And get on with it.<P>You can do this and I suspect you will feel much better for doing it.<P>Good Luck and God Bless You and Your Family

Susan --<P>JL says it, too. You should include your H in your plan for the letter It will be a constructive step for both of you. And, it shows your resolve -- all be it difficult -- to break your ties to OM. Your H is there for support and a "safe haven". (Thanks to Sheba, I think I understand that now myself)<P>Got to go back to work for a few minutes. I'll try to check back about 15 - 20 minutes<BR>(12:45 PST). Good luck<P>-- keystone<p>[This message has been edited by keystone (edited November 02, 1999).]

It is not harassment, but he is trying to keep the bond. He says that he hates he did not have the courage to do what his heart told him to do and divorce and beg for me. He says he still has a hope for the future some day and seeing me reminds him of how much he had. He said maybe we can find a happy medium point that would not cause me to hurt. He misses my smile, laughter and the sparkle in my eyes. Well, he snuffed them out and there can be no friendship. <P>My husband is headed out of town right now and I am not going to let this go another day! We have been making such progress that I also don't want him to have to deal with this and have the setback.

Oh Susan!<P>Do you love your husband? Do you want it to work? The OM is like a drug!!!!! You MUST go cold turkey! Change your e-mail address if you have to! If you can't, you should just delete messages from the OM. Susan, I am speaking as a person who has been betrayed: I pray every night that my wife will stop with the OM and go to counseling with me, work on our marriage. I pray that she will come home. She sometimes spends the night at her parents house, sometimes I don't know where - I can only imagine. Susan, I don't want to throw more guilt onto your life, but your husband has obviously not abandoned the marriage. Tell him you are trying to break the emotional attachment! Be honest with him! It will be hard for both of you; him, because he will be hurt, his pride will be hurt. You because it hurts to give up an addiction and because you want him to understand how hard this is for you. And he can't. I am praying for you Susan, and wish you luck. Send that letter as soon as possible. <P>Joe

Susan --<P>Do you think that your H would appreciate knowing before the letter goes out? I don't know that informing him would deal you a setback. In fact, I think that your acknowledgement that you're trying to break off from the OM (and OM's constant pushing) reaffirms your commitment to the marriage. Isn't that what your H is looking for? In a way, it kills two birds with one stone. (bad choice of words, I know.)<P>You've been so good at communicating with your H lately. Does this not keep those channels open? If he finds out you sent a letter after the fact (closure letter or not, it may not matter), wouldn't he be suspicious? It's kind of how we betrayers think at this stage of our lives. You want to be as honest, and positive as you can be.<P>Either way, whatever route you chose, we're there for you. <P>-- keystone<p>[This message has been edited by keystone (edited November 02, 1999).]

P.S. Sorry I was late in responding. Focusing on work has been REALLY hard lately. Ever so often, I've got to put my management hat back on and deal with work crisis de jour!

Susan, I was very curt with you yesterday. I apologize. Sometimes I project my anger at everyone who has cheated because I can't confront his ex.OW without wanting to rip her apart. You are trying so hard. <BR>Keep up the good work and ignore the crazy jealous Liz lady.<P>LIZZIE<P>------------------<BR>When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. Isaiah 43:2<P><BR>

Susan,<P>Contact your H. Do you want a marriage or not. I doubt that your H thinks there is anything more important than helping you and your marriage. Call him now or call him at the hotel but talk to the Man, Susan. <P>It may hurt him, but I doubt it. You are being honest and doing something to preserve you marriage.<P>God Bless You

Susan --<P>It's strangely silent... Everything okay?<BR>-- keystone

No, not really, I just can't see through the tears right now.

Susan --<P>Sorry... I'm here if you want to talk. I'm not totally comfortable giving my e-mail out over net. We'll connect later<P>Hang in there <P>-- keystone<p>[This message has been edited by keystone (edited November 02, 1999).]