Well, today I started writing my first novel. I think it was Karmarose that metioned the NaNoWriMo before. If you haven't heard about it' you should check into it. It is worldwide and everyone who participates tried to write 50 000 words in the month of November. That is 1667 words per day. Well, I managaed to write 2009. I could have written more but $y children needed attention, and food since apparently it's the law that I need to feed them(hehehehe).

I hope everyone took my earlier comment as the joke it was intended as. I just meant that I am still so young to this site and I need to learn a lot more.

So, Bampot has made it official. He brought OW to his mother's house, with the boys and OW'sD, on Saturday to introduce them. When DSx2 came home the first thing they mentioned was having gone to Nana's and OW going with them. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I am trying hard not to analyze what happened and just let it be, since it is what it is. The people around me insist on re-hashing it and I am just too tired to do it. I ask them to please keep their thoughts and ideas to themselves but some of it still stuck. My mom said that this was bad because it meant that he was trying to make a life with OW(to which I thought about how my mom brought her OM to see my elderly grandma and it was nothing more than an A that died a natural death anyways). My sister just thought that it was awful for my MIL to accept this enemy to her grandson's family into her home, but since she was wayward herself in her marriage to my FIL and allows her wayward daughter to bring her OM and her OC to her house, I wasn't surprised in the least. My friend said that maybe this means that reality will start slipping in faster now. Meh. I am just surprised that they waited this long as I had expected it last year.

It doesn't mean anything different for my Plan B, or my personal recovery(except for the hit to my LB and the thought circling around the sharktank once again). I still only have personal recovery to deal with and I am attacking that head on.

Again, I thank everyone who has been with me on this long and hard journey. Without ALL of you, the person I am today would never have been possible. Thank you all.

PS sorry if there any typos, I am posting from my Blackberry.

Well Scotland, that just purely sucks.
OW welcomed at the ILs. Blech! Double blech! Triple blech!

We can only control ourselves....biggest MB lesson of them all. That and be the best, best, best parent to our kids when they are with US. Yup.

It is a blip on the radar of your new life. A moment that was a bit of a sucker punch and then...meaningless in the journey of YOU. Beautiful, sweet, smart, funny Scotty whom I love dearly. *hugs* dear one.

You are so right reading. It absolutely does suck, but no surprise as I stated.

Thank you FF. That is the truth. And I luv ya lots too.

There are many BSs who say, "But no one will put pressure on my WS so I shouldn't expose." I am here to tell you that even if no one does put pressure on the WS and OP, they still KNOW. That brings me some peace today. I also get to see who around me has different morals and values then the ones I hold dear. I actually look at them as being less strong than I. It is easier to just go along and lwt people behave badly without interferring. It takes a person with strength and courage to go against the grain. I hate to admit that I didn't speak loud enough before I found MB. Those marriages needed someone to fight for them, and I didn't help as much as I would have now. I am determined to not make that mistake again.

I am definitely raising $y children to be upstanding people who WILL show strength and courage and will always stand for what is right. They know what I would do to them if they ever committed adultery. But they'll have MB, so that shouldn't be a problem.

You did well for a blackberry

And here I am thinking I'm
Roughing it with an iPhone lol

What did Abe Lincoln have?

Charcoal and a stepmother who recited him the Ten Commandments daily?

You are an inspiration Scotty, not a quitter or someone who looks for the easy way out.

One of my favorite sayings is from "Mark Twain", "Pale ink is better than the best memory"

Write it girl!

Oh and Bampot? Still in affairland in his mind.

You have a lovebank made of deeper stuff and what will last for eternity

One thing I know for certain, your shining example will not go unnoticed by the circle of people in your life.
You may not immediately recognize the impact that your example has on others, but believe me, it is felt.

Your ability to hold up your values, and speak the truth all the while maintaining the best relationship possible with those who are too weak to maintain their values .... you are seen (by them and by others) as strong and powerful. But fully human, despite your strength and power. And courage!
Strong and powerful, but not bullying the weaker in your circle. This is rare. This is precious. This is God's grace at work in you.

If you look beyond your own pain, you can see how your life has meaning and purpose. All of us can do this. Some never try. You try. You succeed. Amazing Grace.

I'm not done with you, FF.
You may never know the impact of how meeting you and your children in person for the first time rocked me to my core. I was undone.
Sure, I was outwardly jovial, and I entertained and interacted with those at the gathering, but I was deeply troubled. I was troubled by my lack of knowledge of what it was like to be you. To carry your burdens. I went home and I thought about it on and off for quite awhile.
Know what I realized? I also did not know what it was like to be you when you were washed with the great and powerful love I saw in you that day.
What kind of woman turns her greatest sorrow into her greatest strength?
Amazing Grace.
Just AMAZING.

Just make a tiny mental note of people who will not be allowed back in the family circle with or without R, and go on. Unless, of course, there is a complete repentance and change into a whole new person.

Just like an A to a WS, their moral weakness only reflects badly on MIL et al, and not one bit on you.

PS I think FF is amazing, too.

Scot--2009 words in your first day? You're already ahead of me....I'm only at around 1900 words.

This is my third Nano, technically--I did the one last year, and one of the "camp" nanos earlier in the year.

It's a lot of hard work isn't it?

Yes, it is a lot of work. I was writing today, and I almost wanted to start a whole new story and throw away what I wrote yesterday. I didn't though. The story has been ever changing in my mind over the past month that I have been thinking about it.

I need to fix my computer(I can't access the internet after getting rid of spyware) before I will be able to upload anything to the official counter though, so I am making sure that I write as much as I can now. I know that at some point, I am going to find it hard to write 100 words in a day, so I am taking advantage of this spurt. Thank you for mentioning it, somewhere on here.

Pep, you keep making me cry, stop that

And I agree, Faith is amazing grace. I am honoured to know her as well. I am honoured to "know" many of you.

Off to write some more.

You're welcome. Writing can be a great way to go on--and keep writing, as much as you can. Just throw it out there--you can edit later, delete things LATER. Just get the novel out!



Now if only I could get a publisher interested in a book that involves Merlin, Nimue, and Dracula...

Well, you may not have a publisher interested in it yet, but I would be interested to read that. 2354 words last night, and I felt better about the novel. It's coming along. I decided to write this one third person, as a real challenge, since I usually write first person. I caught myself slipping into first person a few times, and laughed.

Otherwise, Plan B train is chugging along. Nothing new to report except the small steps away from who I was two years ago.

Scotland--you could always insert a few chapters in first-person view...?

I was a little worried about how it would be viewed, for Dracula to be a techie type who can track you from one end of the city to another without ever leaving his room, or ranting about the "rabble" that passes for vampires these days...

Oh wait, that last part, if he WERE real, would probably be accurate.

Just as I am exhausted and at the end of my rope I see this. Thank you dear friend. It's been rough lately...really rough but my God sees me through each and every day and for that I am beyond thankful. My father had a mild heart attack nearly two weeks ago which led to triple bypass surgery and aortic valve replacement. Now he is recovering in a SNF and is having short term memory problems and delusions. Between my crazy work schedule and dad I keep thinking God must know my plate is beyond full. Ah well, that is why I have Him to lean on.

Sorry for going off topic, I needed to share today. Love you bunches and bunches, Pep (and you Scotty and neakie-poo)

Now he is recovering in a SNF and is having short term memory problems and delusions.

Those problems are a common occurance after heart surgery. It is because of the medication during and after surgery and because his entire system has been turned upside down. It will go away gradually.

Well, I purposely waited until today to write here. I wanted it to be about the anniversary of my Plan B. Tomorrow is the actual day, but with birthday celebrations, shopping, etc, I dunno how much I will be on tomorrow. I figure I may as well get it over with, like ripping off a bandaid.

Firstly, I didn't finish the 50000 for NaNoWriMo, but I did more than half. There's always next year.

As my 2 year mark was approaching, I started feeling the need to defend why I was still in Plan B, with no Plan D. It is true that DrH suggests 2 years for Plan B. I understand that. I also agree with it, for most people. I know that there are some people who will enter Plan D quite quickly, and others who will enter it even after the timeline I have set for myself. Know that I indeed HAVE set a deadline. That deadline is for me only, as I may decide to shorten it. There IS one though, so don`t worry.

Why have I decided not to enter Plan D, yet? There are a few reasons, the main one is that I am not ready to be divorced. I am not ready to attach that label to myself. I can't even think about it yet, I'm just not ready.

Also, financially, I have things I must consider. As it is, Bampot pays me what he should, and does so on a timely basis. I don't need to file to ensure I get the money I should for the care of my children. If the need arose, I would do so, immediately. I am aware of my legal rights, and all legal avenues I could take.

I can't afford to buy Bampot out of the house. Unless he would be willing to sign it over, right now, with no strings attached, I would need to move. I don't wish to do that, so I am not going to press the issue.

Then, comes the medical insurance. While it is true that we can go to a hospital, etc, here for free, we do need to pay for prescriptions, dental care, eyecare, etc. As long as I am legally married to Bampot, he needs to keep me on his coverage.

I KNOW, logically that Bampot may never return, especially since the 2 year mark is passing. I know many posters didn't expect Bampot's affair to last this long. I know some others aren't surprised. I wasn't in either camp, because I deal with what is in front of me, at the moment, and right now, Bampot isn't pounding down my door begging for forgiveness, so his affair is of no great concern to me, and has no direct impact on the life I am creating, for me and my boys.

The other morning, DS8 was wearing a pair of red Olympic mittens. He was playing with them, as if they were people. He looked at me and said, "Mommy, this is you(showed me his right hand) and this is daddy(his left hand which was apart from the right one)." He then started shaking his left hand around and said, "I don't like you anymore, I'm LEAVING." And then the left hand went over to the right one, and they clasped. It broke my heart. After 2 years, my DS8 still wishes that his father come home and make things right. A part of me wishes that as well. A small part.

I was asked the other day if I believed that Bampot would return home. I answered as truthfully as I could. I told her that I believed that the happiest either Bampot or I could ever be would be with the other parent of our children. I told her that I firmly believed in DrH's words on that. Also, I told her that I have heard DrH talk about how BW's(after a D of course) shouldn't date until their children are grown. That would mean that I would have about 10 more years of no dating. So, what's the rush in getting a divorce? It's not like I need to get it done with. I will get there(and don't worry, it won't be 10 more years before I file).

Now, for those of you who have been on this journey with me, I thank you. All of you have helped me more than you will ever know, and more than I could ever repay. You ALL had a huge impact on the person I have now become. I think that I am more proud of the person I am today than at any other time in my life. I feel the most at peace, as if I am where I am supposed to be, and on the correct path. I have all of YOU to thank for it. MB ROCKS.

There isn't much about Plan B that needs to be written. Once you are firmly in it, there isn't a lot to update. I wanted others to see the feelings, and understand that they aren't alone.

Plan B is a God's send. It has helped me in ways I could never have imagined. I hope that if you find yourself at the end of your rope, and without hope, that you try to Plan A and then Plan B. It will help you recover in ways that you could never have imagined. And, either way, you will not only survive your spouses affair, you will THRIVE.

On another positive note, last Monday, my children's principal called me, and asked me to come in. I did. He then told me that an upstanding member of the community wanted to sponsor a family for Christmas, and the principal chose our family. I was handed $300 in cash. It will be used well, and was accepted with a thank you(see Pep?). I even wrote a letter to the anonymous man and sent it via the principal. The blessings just keep coming. Thank you.

I'm glad you are feeling at peace Scotty. Great news on the $300 gift!