Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. And thanx for stopping in. I am glad you enjoyed my story. It's a work in progress.

Happy Birthday Scottie............. and many more

Thank you. What a cute song.

Praise God for the wonderful, generous soul who eased my friend's burden! I love how you careful word your reasons for staying in plan B to help pay forward what you have gotten from MB. May God continue to protect you and bless you in the coming New Year.

Thank you friend.

Happy Birthday, Scotty!!!!

Thank you.

Happy Birthday lil' sis!

You don't have to defend your decisions to anyone but yourself. You continue to lead and do the next right things for you and your family and that is all that really matters.

Wish you the best today and through the Holidays. Rock on.

Limb

I didn't see this until today. Thank you Big Bro.

Well, it's that time of year, and some of our valued posters are already experiencing the joy of Christmas. so............

Ummmmm, how do I start this post/update?

I guess I should start it with saying that I have learned a lot about myself in the past few weeks. How? Well, I learned how I find myself attracted to men. I realized how a man is able to reel me in.

So, I work in retail. Saying such, there are male and female co-workers, as well as customers that I deal with on a regular basis. They vary in age. There are people who are single, married, etc. There are quite a few employees. Well, I have always had my boundaries up pretty high(higher once I found MB actually). I don't communicate with any male co-workers outside of work. I don't go on lunches or breaks with any. There is no intimate conversations, etc.

I have always been able to tell which men had weak boundaries at work(I didn't know what it was called then, but they would give me the creeps, so I would instinctively shy away from ANY interactions with them unless absolutely necessary and as short as possible). There wasn't any overt signals, but some innuendos, etc. I made it clear that I was not wiling to participate in such activities with anyone. Whenever there were overt signs(like the customer that wouldn't leave me alone, and kept asking for my number, after repeated NO's), I would make it perfectly clear that that was NOT what I wanted.

Some weeks ago(I can't remember how long ago exactly), there was an incident. I had noticed a young man(in his 20's) watching me in the break room. He wouldn't interact with me, but he would always place himself in a seat where he could see me at all times. It was obvious that he was listening to things I would say to others(I am not quiet by any means, and often find myself getting the attention of those around me). I sort of equate myself to old time storytellers in pubs. I am entertaining. I have been told that before.

Anyways, I needed the aid of this young man. While he was helping me, he said, "I find your stories very interesting and I am always listening to what you have to say." To that, I gave a nervous laugh, and he said, "And your laugh is very distinctive, I can tell it's you anywhere." I didn't quite know how to respond and answered with, "I have been told that before."

Now, this is the ONLY direct communications that we have had with each other. After this however, I noticed that he was still watching me from afar, and would place himself in my line of sight even out of the break room. At first, I was uncomfortable with the attention. And then, something happened. I began to like the attention. I spoke of it to some of my friends, and only a couple of them understood why it bothered me so much. A couple of them even encouraged my continued acceptance of it. I didn't like that advice.

I realized a couple of weeks ago that this is how EVERY boyfriend has "courted" me. They are usually shy and watch me from afar before they get the courage to approach me. THIS young man is the most dangerous person in my world to me right now.

Then, a few days ago, I woke up with a song running in my head, it was, Florence and the Machine-Shake it out(even weirder is that while I was typing this, this song came on the radio) and the part of the song that says, "And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off." That night, Mortarman started posting. And his posts effected me in such a profound way.

I now pray for walls and doors. I have seen the wall, and I have decided to move away from it. Who knows when I will get a door, but I am CERTAIN it will lead me in the right direction.

I have plans that need to be enacted. The first one, I need to find a new job. I can avoid him as much as possible until then, and if he is in the break room while I am, I will leave. It's all I can do for now, but I will change my life, and it will be for the better.

This was so out of left field, and I was truly afraid that I was falling down that slippery slope into wayward-ville, and I didn't want to go there. I am glad to have MB to help me stay straight. I am CERTAIN that had I not worried about being held accountable for my actions by all of you, I would have jumped over that cliff with both feet. Thank you.

Now, back to my regular program, Plan B silence. The peace is nice.

The deal is
you are a woman.

You have emotional needs.

You like having them met.

So..........as you go around looking for doors and finding walls (I love that post too), you just decide who you want to be into the future. You transcend 'feelings' to make choices to get there.

I am confused. You are going to find a new job because you like the attention of a man? That...that astounds me.

Actually SW, I am going to find a new job because I already was unhappy in the one I currently have.

Letting myself almost become a wayward is what is giving me an extra push to find one sooner rather than later.

I was starting to look for his truck in the parking lot. I would get the rush when I saw it, when I saw him. I was becoming a WAYWARD, as I am most certainly still married. I was starting to make excuses as to why it was "harmless" and THAT is what scares me. I can't control other people's actions, but I can most certainly control how I react to them, and what I DO to protect myself from becoming a wayward myself.

Oh, I agree you are still married and therefore need to shut down those feelings pronto...seems like you have done a fine job of that. I just couldn't fathom changing jobs because you like the attention of a man..

Makes more sense that you were already looking for/wanting another job.

Scotland, you are a brave and inspirational lady. For recognising, then challenging your own behaviour. And for taking action by looking for a mature, healthy and definitive solution.

That takes kudos.

I am glad I could clear that up for ya SW. Sometimes, I have already plotted everything out in my head, and I neglect to give all of the needed information for others to understand.

Maryse, thank you. It's part of what being in Plan B is all about. I'm making myself into the person I WANT to become. It's not always easy, and when it is right, it is even harder to do.

Good catch, Scotty!