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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 335
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OP
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 335 |
Wife had a brief affair a few years ago with a guy I knew from work. We are well on the way to recovery but I have one thing that I still question.
The AP lives in the north part of the valley and we in the south. Not really any chance for face to face contact. My wife is committed to NC and she hasn't for 2.5 years. I believe she is sincere in it all being over.
My problem is the AP and I are in the same industry and occasionally I will come across his name or even a picture or references to him in a conversation. It seems like I am still trying to protect my wife from being triggered by a mention of him in any way. I go out of my way to make sure they have NC even inadvertently.
I'm starting to wonder of this is affecting me negatively though.
Anyone have any comments on this?
BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Is it affecting you negatively?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 335
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OP
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 335 |
Is it affecting you negatively? I don't think so but I'm wary of longterm effects. Will this cause me never to "let it go"?
BH: 46
FWW: 44
3 DD: 20,17,11
Married 24 years
PA/EA: 5/08
DDay: 6/08
NC: 8/08
Previous EA 1998 confessed 8/08
In Recovery
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,959
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,959 |
I understand your thoughts. My WW took up with a real estate agent who specialized in selling homes throughout the entire southeast quarter of my town of 130,000. His name was on signs in yards, it seemed, nearly everywhere, and the Sunday paper had an insert with real estate ads that carried a picture of him and a handful or more of his prime listings. The company he worked for, ReMax, advertises heavily both nationally and locally.
I have no doubt that the constant reminders played a negative role in my personal healing process. I don't post much anymore, but I believe that both WS and BS are supposed to maintain a postion of No Contact with the AP.
If I were in your shoes, I'd do whatever you could do to avoid any contact, however slight. It takes your thoughts to a bad place, and will for a long, long time.
best wishes
BH - me 53, ONS 1979
FWW - 51, 2 EA's, 1 PA
Last D-Day, Sep. 30, 2003
Last Contact/recovery began 2-26-04
***You can do anything with time and money...but remember...money won't buy you time!***
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 167
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Posts: 167 |
If I were in your shoes, I'd do whatever you could do to avoid any contact, however slight. It takes your thoughts to a bad place, and will for a long, long time.
best wishes I agree. Any further contact triggers hurt that can harm you emotionally. I think it is okay to keep tabs on former AP, to see what the OP is up to, but not to let OP "hear from" you in any way at all.
Married 31 years, 5 kids, 4 GK
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