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Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1 |
People who have NPD have a really tough time doing the questionaires in step 2 of plan A. He is acting as if it is painful. He has made the most colorful excuses- "I'm not a writer", "I don't have time".
I have been visiting Dr. Harleys' site for two and half years and last july my WH saw me watching and listening he decided to purchase it. He thought it would be yet another tool to be used to control and manipulate me like he used the bible, the love dare, and jimmy and karen evans. Dr. Harley has it set up so beautifully that it's step by step and he tells that doing it order is just as important as doing it. My WS signed the commitment agreement but then did nothing in it, I've been waiting more than five months for step two to be completed as friends and co-parents we get along but intimacy and marriage there's nothing left
It's to see when my eyes are upon me.
married 8 years
affair ended one year ago i ended it for WH
him: 44
me: 42
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
If you are having a motivation problem then I would get professional help from the Harleys. They can motivate your H to do the hard work and keep him on track.
In your case, I would sign up for the online program because they assign you a coach and you have daily access to Dr Harley. That coach contacts you WEEKLY about your lessons and if your H is not doing them, they will work with him to keep him motivated.
I think they even deduct the cost of the home study program if you have already bought that.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,449 |
bruised,
While some of the things you describe can certainly be because you have never fully recovered, there are a couple red flags in your post that make me wonder if there is any more contact. (For example NPD is a way that people often describe waywards)
Who was the OW? Coworker? Friend?
Do you have snooping in place such as GPS & keylogger to ensure that the A didn't just go further underground?
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 651
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 651 |
Has your husband been diagnosed with NPD? Or does he just exhibit a lot of narcissistic traits?
I agree with MelodyLane's suggestion that you should sign up for the online program. Another person can add a layer of accountability.
Me: BS 51
Himself: WH 53, EA/PA w/ RunnerSlut his "running buddy."
Buncha' kids. The two youngest are still minors.
Separated: 08/13/09 after 25 years of marriage
Plan D: Filed 11/13/09 Final 3/30/11
MC told me that he probably has a personality disorder
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 5,123 Likes: 1 |
If your husband is seeing all of these things as ways to manipulate and/or control him, then one thing I would suggest - and you aren't going to like hearing - is that you assess how you are selling him on these ideas.
If you keep trying to "fix" him with this material, he isn't going to change.
If you keep YOUR side of the street clean, and MODEL what this program has to offer HIM, you may find him more receptive.
"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr
"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer
"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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