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Plan B Bill, we'll follow the MB plans.

And part of that is being/becoming the best BC possible! You should not have a great deal of trouble with this - you seem to have the grit and drive necessary, but just keep that thought in the forefront of your actions.

Not only do you not have direct contact with her, but your actions with others must be conducted as if she is watching. No "mourning", no "agonizing", no "regrets" - EVER!

This will be toughest with the DD, but it's important that you maintain the front of disinterest and detachment. (The only exceptions are HERE, and with your spiritual advisor.)

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Originally Posted By: Caracal
Originally Posted By: BillCarolina

What will we (I) do in the meantime?


Plan B Bill, we'll follow the MB plans.


NOTHING else works......does it?
So....looks like I'm now a "Plan B'er" faint

Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed
And part of that is being/becoming the best BC possible! You should not have a great deal of trouble with this - you seem to have the grit and drive necessary, but just keep that thought in the forefront of your actions.


Sorry......what's a "BC"?
"Grit and drive".......Worse has been said of me by others!!
I'm terribly weak when it comes to the WW.....that vulnerability is tough to face when it's one sided and NOT returned from her.
While I'm better on a daily basis.....the constant thinking about this situation is still DIFFICULT!.....but I am down to thinking about it only 50% of the day, rather than 80%.
Day by Day!!!

Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed
Not only do you not have direct contact with her, but your actions with others must be conducted as if she is watching. No "mourning", no "agonizing", no "regrets" - EVER!
This will be toughest with the DD, but it's important that you maintain the front of disinterest and detachment. (The only exceptions are HERE, and with your spiritual advisor.)


I agree.....and accept that......but it's SO DIFFICULT!
I have four friends (two married couples) who I can be 100% honest with, only THEY see my anguish, my pain, my wounds.
Everyone else who might have contact with my WW get's the STIFF UPPER LIP version.
And you know what.......the Moon was beautiful when I left for work early this morning.....the Sun came up today.....I made a difference in my Patients lives today......and I still Love my Wife.
And I Love the MB'ers here who support me and our Missions!!!
Thank You!


BH(Me)= 55
WW(Her)=43
DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!)
Married=13 yrs
Together=16.5 yrs
THIS IS MY STORY
WW moved out of the home = May 1,2011
D-Day=July 4, 2011
Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!.....as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!
"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
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Originally Posted By: BillCarolina
Sorry......what's a "BC"?
"Grit and drive".......Worse has been said of me by others!!
I'm terribly weak when it comes to the WW.....that vulnerability is tough to face when it's one sided and NOT returned from her.
While I'm better on a daily basis.....the constant thinking about this situation is still DIFFICULT!.....but I am down to thinking about it only 50% of the day, rather than 80%.
Day by Day!!!


a Bill Carolina is a BC.

Don't feel bad, most men who are in love with thier wives have that terrible weakness for them. We are strong as the proverbial OX but when it comes to the little woman, all bets are off.

Glad to hear your thinking about it is lessening BC

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Originally Posted By: ConstantProcess
Originally Posted By: BillCarolina
Sorry......what's a "BC"?


a Bill Carolina is a BC.


Can you tell that I over-analyze things? crazy


BH(Me)= 55
WW(Her)=43
DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!)
Married=13 yrs
Together=16.5 yrs
THIS IS MY STORY
WW moved out of the home = May 1,2011
D-Day=July 4, 2011
Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!.....as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!
"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
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Originally Posted By: BillCarolina
Originally Posted By: ConstantProcess
Originally Posted By: BillCarolina
Sorry......what's a "BC"?

a Bill Carolina is a BC.

Can you tell that I over-analyze things? crazy

rotflmao
Welcome to my world

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Originally Posted By: ConstantProcess
Originally Posted By: BillCarolina
Originally Posted By: ConstantProcess
Originally Posted By: BillCarolina
Sorry......what's a "BC"?

a Bill Carolina is a BC.

Can you tell that I over-analyze things? crazy

rotflmao
Welcome to my world


Stop YOUR world....I want to get off!!

CP, you DIDN'T have to laugh at me!.........yes you did!! LOL


BH(Me)= 55
WW(Her)=43
DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!)
Married=13 yrs
Together=16.5 yrs
THIS IS MY STORY
WW moved out of the home = May 1,2011
D-Day=July 4, 2011
Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!.....as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!
"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
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I overanalyze things too. It's nice sometimes, but most of the time it's a curse. I don't go out to see movies in theaters anymore because of it.

You're not alone. stickout


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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BC, you mention that instituting a serious Plan B is difficult. Yeah, and........?

Plan B gives you space and isolation to keep you "whole" as your WW spirals into whatever morass she's headed into. As difficult as it may be to establish/maintain, dealing with the injuries and drama to which she'd otherwise subject you would be immeasurably worse.

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Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed
BC, you mention that instituting a serious Plan B is difficult. Yeah, and........?

Plan B gives you space and isolation to keep you "whole" as your WW spirals into whatever morass she's headed into. As difficult as it may be to establish/maintain, dealing with the injuries and drama to which she'd otherwise subject you would be immeasurably worse.


Amen

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Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed
.....as your WW spirals into whatever morass she's headed into.


And there's not a thing I can do about it.....except save myself.


BH(Me)= 55
WW(Her)=43
DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!)
Married=13 yrs
Together=16.5 yrs
THIS IS MY STORY
WW moved out of the home = May 1,2011
D-Day=July 4, 2011
Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!.....as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!
"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
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Originally Posted By: BillCarolina
Originally Posted By: NeverGuessed
.....as your WW spirals into whatever morass she's headed into.


And there's not a thing I can do about it.....except save myself.


Not to be minimized, this is all you can do.

Listen, I did not have MB when I first left my WW way back in 1987, because she was an alcohlic, but I did have the conviction that it was the right thing to do. After two years, my relationship with another woman, (which was wrong and turned out to be a disaster), I returned to the relationship, without specifing AA as part of its requirements, because her drinking problem and head problems were driven underground. I was convinced that "God" would fix it all, and I did not know,that I was slated to be the one who would be the sacrifice.

Actions speak louder than words, and the talk in the world and wringing of your hands in prayer will not change someone who is stubbornly acting like a fool. the best thing is to let them be alone with God, and let them suffer the consequences, even if they find someone, who will support them in thier folly.

But I was convinced that God would do what I could not do, or better stated,would not do, to bring about the change that was needed, in practical application of lifes challanges in living. I thought that forgiveness was the key, and staying strong in faith, and pulling all the wieght. This was wrong of me to do, because it enabled her to stay in a fantasy world, as I bore the cross in the real one. Poor me, what a martyr, what a bunch of crap! In the end, all of the unrealistic expectations she had, did us in, and then her also.

For ten years I waited for her to see the light, that she was human, and we all had problems we had to deal with, and she had no special right that allowed her special priveledges. Over worked, and that was my problem, needed a special diet because I was a diabetic, and that was my problem. Living below standards and throwing myself on the mercy of others, that was my problem. It was all my problem, and all it would have taken, is for her to accept some personal accoutability, and live in reality, instead of wishing and hoping, for some miracle, of an easy life of leasure.

She found that life of leasure, again in drugs and escapism, because she would not accept that she was just as human as everybody else, and that is what took her down eventually. It was a fantasy, that she had been through so much as a child, that somehow she deserved something in return, some kinda revenge, some get even, some "I'll show you", that was the dissapointment of her unrealistic expectations.

Me giving into that mindset, and not drawing the line from the beggining, is what led her down, enabled her, and ruined both our lives. All because I wanted to let someone off the hook. See I thought I might be special too at first, but I was a fool for thinking that, because God does not change the world to what we think, He wants to change how we think to understand the world as it is.

Again all this happened without the proper support, and if I had only found MB, and was wise enough to implement it, in those years I first left her, I would not be having this story to tell. I would have stuck with my ideal of getting a divorce, and taking my kids, from a raging messed up alcoholic. I would have had support from the wonderful people here emotionally. I would have grieved the loss of the relationship properly and stayed on a course that would have supported my children well, and not wasted my talents, or the last 20+ years, and my health either.

If I had reconciled it would have been on realistic terms, and not in just wishing and hoping for change, it would have been done, or there would be no reconciliation.

Stand your ground Bill, it is what you have, above everything else and let this place help you recover your marriage sure, but you most of all.

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Originally Posted By: BillCarolina
And there's not a thing I can do about it.....except save myself.

And what a fine mission that is Bill. Maybe not the mission of choice, but great nonetheless.

Have you given WW the PBL?


Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.

WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.

Plan B has set me free.

"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Dear Wife, Are you there?....Do you read this thread?

Daughter?......are you there?

Join the discussion.


BH(Me)= 55
WW(Her)=43
DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!)
Married=13 yrs
Together=16.5 yrs
THIS IS MY STORY
WW moved out of the home = May 1,2011
D-Day=July 4, 2011
Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!.....as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!
"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
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Originally Posted By: BillCarolina
Dear Wife, Are you there?....Do you read this thread?

Daughter?......are you there?

Join the discussion.


What's going on, bill?


BS - Me 36
WS - wife 34
Married 10 yrs
DDay - Early November 2010
WS filed Divorce 11/9/10
Divorce final 12/22/11

1 Corinthians 13:7: (LOVE) Beareth all things, believeth all things, HOPETH all things, endureth all things.
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Whoah, you can't leave us with a cliffhanger like that!

I hope all is ok for you... And hope you can keep posting for support.


Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.

WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.

Plan B has set me free.

"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Originally Posted By: marksaysay
Originally Posted By: BillCarolina
Dear Wife, Are you there?....Do you read this thread?

Daughter?......are you there?

Join the discussion.


What's going on, bill?


Let's just wait and see.....it's not a drama......it's an invitation.

Last edited by BillCarolina; 11/03/11 04:14 PM.

BH(Me)= 55
WW(Her)=43
DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!)
Married=13 yrs
Together=16.5 yrs
THIS IS MY STORY
WW moved out of the home = May 1,2011
D-Day=July 4, 2011
Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!.....as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!
"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 289
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My Dear Ladies.......are you there?

I Love You.


BH(Me)= 55
WW(Her)=43
DD=24 (My step-daughter, been raising her since the age of 8, SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!!)
Married=13 yrs
Together=16.5 yrs
THIS IS MY STORY
WW moved out of the home = May 1,2011
D-Day=July 4, 2011
Dear Wife: I'm COMPLETELY CRAZY about you!.....as of Aug-2012 forget that last part....Good Luck to you and GOODBYE!!
"Mourn the woman she was. Know the woman she is."
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Bill:

I'm almost hesitant to ask you to post, as I'm hoping for the best, but fearing your silence means your dear ladies haven't responded. ...

Post if you can ...


Me: 47
BH: 48, previously married
Married: Nov. 27, 2004
DDay: Nov. 13, 2010
Kids: stepsons DS17 and DS13
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=postlist&Board=35
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Dear Mr BC

I pray that Christmas will soften the heart of your daughter amd perhaps God willing your wife.

My husband is home from the war, for now, and I am filled with the wealth of His blessings. I KNOW prayer works so never give in and never give up, you may not get the answer you want but you get an answer.

So, may you be poor in misfortune, rich in blessings,
slow to make enemies, quick to make friends.
And may you know nothing but happiness.

Happy Christmas Mr BC and may your New Year bring you happiness

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Bill, what is going on? Was that your WW posting or a troll?


Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.

WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.

Plan B has set me free.

"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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