Ummm, Tilly you do know that Plan B is for YOU? Personal recovery. Regardless of whether WH decides to grow up and meet your conditions for recovery.

I know I entered Plan B more for recovery of my marriage. I was too shell-shocked to really grasp the concepts at the time.

Be clear on this. If WH decides to try to recover your marriage and meet your conditions, great, consider it a bonus. But if not, Plan B is for YOU.

Enjoy the day. Enjoy what WH is missing out on due to his own choices. Recognise your grief. And enjoy this special day anyway.

Thank you.

I am here as I am not texting WH I so want to text him but to say what that hasn't been said before. "i'm devastated" no point. He knows what he has done. It's only 3 days no contact and I do feel better well not so tearful.

The boys keeps me going, I feel so much anger that he can put them through this. Monday night the youngest was snuggled in between us on the couch.

His mother phoned 6 times on Friday, thankfully I was asleep, she couldn't get WH and he was threatening suicide.

I told her he is his own person he shouldn't do that to get attention and I did not want to hear about him and his depression anymore, he has made his choices.

If that is what an affair does to someone ???? I mean why ?? At the moment he sounds as if he is STILL and will continue to be in ME ME ME mode, I may stay with parents Christmas Eve to avoid him coming down and having to face anxiousness then.

I am certainly in Dark Plan B after reading Scotlands thread she has progressed so much but I cried her WH is not back.

Tilly, Plan B does not automatically mean you get your spouse back. It means you develop healthy boundaries and become a stronger, healthier person. That's the goal of Plan B. You distance yourself from the toxic nature of your wayward as a measure of care for yourself.

It's sad to me that you don't see the growth in Scotty's thread. I consider her thread to be a great story of surviving adultery and being better for it.

Tragically, yes, this is what adultery does to the perpetrators. I never understood the depth of the selfishness until I realized that my own FWH didn't CARE that he was hurting anyone at that time. No adulterer does. There seems to be no shame or honor or a shred of decency remaining. And it seems to get worse the longer it goes on.

Proverbs warns us that a man (or woman) who commits adultery lacks judgment and destroys his (her) own soul. It's really a horror to watch it happening right before your own eyes.

The best you can do right now is to follow the plan as has been laid out for you and do your best to continue living a very honorable life with your children. Get all the support you can from your family and friends. Going to your parents for this year's Christmas sounds like a wonderful plan. It will be a welcomed time of peace and diversion for you and your children.

Yes I must stop negative thinking. I don't think WH will ever be able to come back here I am waiting on a phone call but it's to do with his circumstances where he is, I may lose my Dc if he moved back here.

Yes I am completely Dark and hope to heal next year, this time properly. Thank you.

As I thought I may lose my children or will most certainly have Social Services in my life so I am in strict Plan B hoping this will heal me until Plan D.

Still in Plan B possibly Plan D. Although he was calling the house phone on Tuesday so that number has been changed, I did not answer it, I unplugged it. I could have been out but 8 times he rang.

It still hurts but I feel better than last week, GP thinks I may have had slight breakdown due to WH coming and going in my life over the last year, she wants him gone, she sees it as abuse, his way of controlling me, keeping me hanging, not taking his name off the Tenancy, she gave the local police abuse liaison officers number, I will not call it, or is it abuse, or is he just messed up, well I know he is but abuse?

My parents have saved my Christmas this year as I have done nothing.

I have been put onto medication for not eating, sleeping crying etc.

Wishing all MB's a lovely Christmas.

Oh tilly, I am so sorry you are hurting so badly right now.

I did suspect that you were suffering from depression and I am glad that you have finally told your full story to your GP so that you can get the degree of medication that is appropriate. It is not surprising that you have been at or near breakdown with what you have been through.

You can see now why Dr H recommends a very short Plan A (3-4 weeks) for women, followed by a proper Plan B if the affair does not end. The continued pain of the affair seriously affects our mental health. I did not not know anything about Marriage Builders when I was going through repeated D Days, so I did not realise that I was making things worse for my health by trying to plod on in the marriage. I hope that you will take both our and your doctor's advice to have nothing to do with WH.

That God for your parents. Have the best Christmas possible under the circumstances, you and the children.

Thank you MB.

Tilly, I am sorry that you are feeling this way. I can't imagine the pain of having gone through it for so long.

TBH, there are small tiny moments that I find myself sad that my WH hasn't come home. For the most part, I am saddened that he doesn't see the destructiveness of his affair on himself, but more importantly on our children. Selfishness wasn't something he used to be. And that is the saddest part of waywardness, the way it changes the wayward.

Don't feel sad for me(although I have more of a sneaking suspicion that you are actually sad because you feel like I have done an excellent Plan B and it didn't bring my WH back, so what are the chances with you own, and that's okay).

There is a lot to go through being in the MB plans(any of them really) and you come out a better person on the other side. Sometimes, we just do it without the marriage. That's okay, especially since we don't want to be dragged down with our WS. Where they are going, no one should follow. Think of this time as your rock bottom, and know that there is nowhere to go but UP.

Hang tough, Christmas is hard even 2 years into Plan B, but it is easier than it was last year. Progress not perfection. You'll get there. One step at a time.

Thank you SugarCane we will go down to my parents tonight to stay which feels strangely comforting usually and lovely and Christmassy so the boys love it!!

Plan A the boys and Plan B WH.

I will have to think of Divorce when I feel better but do not want to at the moment.

His mother said yesterday, "it's his choice he will have to live with it" I told her I would be going to counselling and he needed to stop coming to the house and I didn't want to hear any more about him.

I know him he will test me, he will come down he may leave it a while but he will, I will get well, take him to court to remove his name from the Tenancy then he can no longer stop me moving house in the meantime he will get no response from me, for my sanity.

Thank you Scotty, yes it's my WH selfishness at at his lack of even wanting to see my DC which saddens me he chooses OW over his own DC and if I am honest yes you had done Class One Plan B and even reading your posts you can see how you have healed more but yes it does sadden me your WH has not came home but every-ones "story" or "life" is different and things happen in different ways for all of us and we cannot see what is ahead and now I am rambling

Thank you all.

You said you have read my thread, so you should know, rambling is very much allowed around here.

Follow the plans and I GUARANTEE that you will find much peace and healing.

And yes, Plan A your boys, they need you now more than ever.

Yes

Plan A the boys is my Mantra

How does this work, tilly? I am in the UK and I am unaware have having a joint tenancy stops one person from moving house. I thought it just meant that you were both liable for the rent until the end of the tenancy agreement. Is that not so?

Remind me: is your WH supporting you and the boys, or at least paying support for the boys and his share of the rent, if you are working?

Yes SugarCane you are thinking correct but he pays nothing, I have no idea how long this takes but just know my Lawyer sent him a letter saying we would be taking him to Court should he not remove his name, she did not mention the rent!!!

Child Support Agency have caught up with him he is off sick so pays �5.00 per week, yet to be received.

Happy Christmas!

Happy Christmas, tilly! Have you had breakfast yet? We're just settling down to eggs, smoked salmon, croissants, bagels, bacon and perhaps some fizz.

Aww that sounds divine, unfortunately Dad believes in keeping yourself ready "for dinner" which is at 3/4pm so I once again sneaked home to let the dog out (again) and to eat some chocolate!!

I do love his dinners though, well worth this wait and they got me a lovely kingsize electric blanket so no more cold nights!!

I like the sound of the blanket. I still use a hot water bottle.

Your Dad's dinner sounds worth waiting for! But I agree; chocolate is mandatory all day at Christmas.