There is no real recovery taking place until OW is out of the picture, for good. And the fact that WH isn't pulling his weight is going to have HUGE effects. The most important thing for AEK to do is move. Until that happens, it is living a life of a thousand cuts. Her foul mood and hurt is going to shine through because you really can't heal properly when you are constantly struck over the head by the affair. Trigger of OW needs to be removed. That is the single most important thing right now.

Thank you ALL... It all makes sense. And I will move forward. X

Ok so getting there,,, I think!!!

Have put my wedding ring back on!!!!!

How do you get revenge? Surely that's what most people want.....?

AEK1:

I have fantasies of revenge. Posting flyers all over skankho's town with her picture on it and the word "adulterer."

However, I've learned that the longer I let thoughts of skankho in my head, the more it distracts me from MY healing and from MB principles.

I don't think MB has one word about revenge, other than a revenge affair which isn't warranted.

Hope this helps,
Sweet

Living well is the best revenge!

AEK1.

Mel is right. Being happy and successful in your own life will drive that OW insane. That is your revenge.


Honestly, AEK1, she will dig her own grave all by herself. You don't need to lift a finger to help her. Just give it time... the karma bus will catch up with her.

I remember you saying that your family was taking a trip for the holidays. Hope you have a great time together!

Ahahaha....I asked this exact same question! I want her to suffer lol. So her house went into foreclosure and it was published on the paper, I forwarded it to a friend who is a great gossip. Other than that, no real revenge OW not making her house payment has given her $ to blow....

AEK, it would have given me great joy to pound OW into the pavement, groveling and bleeding, begging for me to let her live. For a minute.

In the end, it would have accomplished little, other than lowering me to her level. I refused to do so.

The karma bus has her on its manifest, AEK. And she's going to have to get on board. She's not going to like it. You may never hear about it, but the karma bus will be picking her up. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it will.

Live with personal intergrity and trust in that.

HAVE YOU MOVED YET?

I will tell you what my boxing coach said to me when I soooooo wanted to enter Plan F/U last summer, "YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT." And he was right.

Stop letting her take up space in your head. She isn't worth it. She is the gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe. She's NOTHING.

So a great holiday in south Africa. Felt very close and we created some new memories.
Sadly my old friend who is still friendly with OW still gets to me. Feel sad that I am no longer friends with her and that she has chosen OW over me. Don't get it. Feel so hurt by this. Can't understand it really.

AEK:

The answer is to stop thinking of it. You have to consciously move your thoughts to something else, something more positive.

Otherwise, you are still letting OW win.

And consider yourself lucky you just lost a friend. Because of my FWH's affair, we don't socialize with his brother and his brother's wife or children. Christmas used to always include them, and now they are a huge blank spot in our life.

See? It could be worse.

Hope this helps.

Concentrate on those good memories of your holiday. And concentrate on putting your friend out of your mind. She's obviously made her choice, which should tell you how important your friendship was with HER. It's a betrayal of what you thought your friendship was. But that friendship isn't as important as your marriage. Don't make it bigger than it is.

Why don't you speak to his brother or wife? That's drastic.

AEK:

FWH and his brother (BIL) both had affairs while on a golf weekend together with two POSOWomen on a girls weekend away from their husbands. BIL has been diagnosed a sex addict and has had many affairs on sister-in-law (SIL). BIL and SIL are likely headed for divorce (I don't blame her a bit and will support her in any choice she makes, whether it is to reconcile or divorce).

But, my husband and I have reconciled, gone through therapy and are using MB principles to affair-proof our marriage. SIL hates my husband and his family now that everything is out in the open. She believes my H is as damaged as her H. SIL is not offering me support of any kind. I think it's too painful for her to hear about us working hard and succeeding in therapy.

BIL is a threat to our marriage, given that he does not appear to be moving forward with therapy.

So, it's ugly. And painful. But my H and I are committed to healing. Can't have threats to our marriage -- no matter how difficult -- sink us.

Affairs really suck.

It is really tough isn't it.... But you have to put your marriage first and protect yourself. I have been so upset loosing this friend who is still friend with OW but I have finally realised it's over....

Sweetpea, of course your BIL - even if he were at this moment working on his M - would still not be healthy enough to be a part of your lives.

It sounds like you know that; I just want to make it clear to anyone else who reads this, that some people, family members included, are to damaging to be close to on this earth. If everyone is in heaven, you can all find your peace there.

Right, Neak:

Some people are threats to our well-being and marriages. Mine includes my BIL, his wife and five lovely children. Yes, I miss them. But I'm not going to expose myself to BIL's cheating/lying/narcissistic ways nor to my SIL's openly hostile judgments about my FWH and his family. I would LOVE to have them -- fully recovered that is -- back in our lives. Not going to happen in the near future, if ever.

So, Neak. Don't regret dumping a friend for the sake of your marriage. Marriage = No. 1 concern.

And you don't need friends who can't judge properly assess a cheating wh0re when she sees one. No more excuses for those "tolerant" types of people in our lives.

Cheers,
SP

But in her eyes she is tolerating my H and Ow. She says they are the sane.

Forgive him, forgive her is the moto.

Personally I cannot be friends with somebody who is friends with the whore.