It's been almost a year since my divorce was finalized and two years since my WXH and I separated. He left the state so I haven't seen him since the divorce although my 2 sons have visited their Dad several times.

I have absolutely no interest in dating or being with someone else. I don't feel lonely. I like having the whole bed to myself. I like having just the boys around. I, sometimes, miss conversation with a grown-up but I get a lot of that at work. What I'm trying to say is I feel pretty content the way things are now. Can't say I'll never want to delve into a new relationship but for now, count me out.

Does anyone else feel similarly or shoould I go stand in the corner by myself?

lol, no but you get a gold star for humor.

I was really concerned about having an opportunity to model a decent, loving, caring, mutually respectful relationship for my kids so they wouldn't grow up to think that marriages were supposed to be like the one they had seen fall apart. I also was really longing for the companionship of a woman after being lonely in a marriage for so long.

If you're not feeling it, however, you can't force it. To do so (enter into a relationship for the wrong reasons) would conversely teach your kids a bad message.

You got married late it looks like. You must be very comfortable with yourself and your individuality. That's also an excellent gift to give your kids.

I plan to continue to, at least, talk about relationships when I can. Including Harley concepts. Hopefully they won't make the same mistakes I did.

opt

Reva, I am not divorced, but I had to look at the option square in the face last year. Here's my take on dating and remarriage, as seen from my point of view:

My H was deployed for nearly three years, returning home 4 times per year for 10 days plus travel time. It was really really hard for me the first few months. I was so used to my H being home every night that I missed him terribly. After a while, I found things to do at night that kept me busy, learned new skills (like canning), started running early in the mornings before breakfast. I found that after some time I did this solo life quite well.

Which was good, because when H returned home and I discovered his adultery, which continued in steamy sexy emails, I knew I would live well on my own, because I had been doing this for the past almost three years. Of course, the abandonment and divorce would hurt, and I'd have had to find a way to make more money to support myself.

So while we were in upheaval, I looked at my options post-divorce and decided after a while that I probably would not date or remarry, unless God brought a man and dropped him in my lap, so to speak.

My standards are kind of high: I want my man to look fit and trim, he needs to share my faith and be on board with MB principles.

Then add to the mix the mess some folks are in during this stage of life with 2nd and 3rd marriages and divorces, step and bio children, child support, pension plans reduced by half to support an ex. I looked at the feasibility of being able to find a decent match for someone in my age range and decided I'd better not hold my breath.

Plus at the age of 52, I have my own idiosyncrasies that I'm not sure I'd be willing to give up, now that I've lived with them as long as I have.

Good for you! You don't sound bitter; you sound content. And you never know what's around the next bend. You sound like a well-grounded woman, and I admire that!

You are too late. It is not sure after relationship you will not wanna to share your bed.

I can honestly say I'm happy being alone although I would like more friends to get together with. Nope, you're not alone with feeling this way!

I'm making friends in my Divorce Care group. Have you tried one?

Nope, it's been nearly three years so I don't feel the need for a divorce care group, besides, I live in the country, it'd be at least a 100 mile round trip to one.

Hmmm.....about 3 years of Hades and newly divorced 2 months, I can say for myself have mixed feelings. I've gotten used to sleeping by myself.

Actually what irritates me most is being told I need to find a man to support me and how I need to take a chance. I will but does it have to be in the next 10 seconds? As Opt stated-If you're not feeling it, however, you can't force it. To do so (enter into a relationship for the wrong reasons) would conversely teach your kids a bad message.

I can identify with wanting companionship-I've had some strong physical and emotional needs during the whole process but I didn't and haven't acted on the physical and emotional needs have been filled by talking with special friends and family members. Running joke with one special friend is ROAD Trip! (Lives out of state-one time that it seemed we were going to meet up Mother Nature had other plans!)

I wouldn't say it is due to lack of interest but just being cautious at this point of my life. Also RL is too real at the moment. Starting a relationship is not in the top five at the moment. I am meeting people but finding steady employment, better place to raise my DD and recover financially seem more important right now.

I also worry about message DD is getting since WH/X has and continues to expose her to OW2/GF. DD has asked me where my boyfriend was! DD was 6 when she asked that and now 7-I tried to explain to her that "When Momma has a BF or important person in her life and feels comfortable that they will not only love me but also you, is when you will meet that person. We are a package deal-I am not going to add to the confusion, mixed messages that WH/X already has and continues to.....

I'm not dating now. I tried it for a bit, and had some fun, but nothing more. After a dismal weekend long date in September, I had had enough. I am done.

And I for one don't think there is anything wrong with saying, "Not now!" I like having complete control over the remote.

I say you're ready when you're not looking for it. That's when it will hit.

So you're in a very good place.

My advice would be to focus on your boys until they're gone, which won't be long, and then if something happens it happens.

But you're in a great place.

I have been divorced for 6 years and tried dating in the third year or so. Haven't met anyone suitable and in hindsight, I may or may not handle a serious relationship well even at that time as I still had anger issues with ex.

Not having a relationship meant I could focus on my career and enjoy activities I hadn't done during the marriage: I climbed mountains, went on adventure trips, went back to school, bought a new home, moved. I am very happy and contented now. I don't feel lonely although many times I wish someone could carry the shopping bags!

I think most of us who have been betrayed and put effort in salvaging the marriage may be just relieved not to be in any relationship right after the divorce. I also believe when you are ready and take your time, you will find someone compatible.

Ahh I am lonely but not ready for a relationship. My Ex and I have been separeated 6 months and will be divorced Jan 2012. He was a sex addict and hurt me and ruined our blended family. He would not change despite me begging him to go to counseling and talk this out. I am not ready to love someone even though I function better in a relationship than alone.
SV

I am so sorry to hear this, Sable. I had a bad feeling that your WH is a serial cheater who will never be happy with one woman. You deserve so much better, and I trust you will find that special person who will care for you. Take good care of yourself!

Thank you Marital Bliss. He is marrying some woman in Flordia and will move this summer there with his 3 kids. It does hurt but I am better off alone than with that abuse. I will eventually get over this. I have been offered to date but I am still a bit shy and kinda nervous.

Sable Venus57

You are not alone at all. I have been divorced for 7 years and just don't feel the need to date. I guess I went through a "needy" period after my divorce and dated a lot but everyone I dated was just as needy as me which doesn't make a good relationship.

What I miss the most is companionship. I guess I have just gotten too used to be a bachelor to do anything about it.

Keith

The last thing in the world I need is someone else's neediness or drama, I have enough problems of my own...I need to figure out what to do about my current financial situation. (our of work, about to lose my home)

I like my independence and I've given enough to past relationships...with all I've been through, it'd take a whole lot of proving on their part and caution on my part for me to trust again...if ever. And that's good.

I can relate to this. When you are still hurt and angry at your ex, it is very difficult to have a healthy and loving new relationship. Hugs, SV. You are not alone.

Sable i am very sorry to hear this too. It really bothers me to hear all these men leaving their families for OW. It also bothers me that the OW feels ok as well. My heart really aches sometimes on how broken our world is now. So much selfishness.

Blessings to you....

No, you are not alone. I was seperated from my ww for 14 months before our D was final last month. I know I'm relatively new in terms of being divorced, but there is absolutely no desire to be with anyone else. I still haven't removed my ring and I'm not sure if or when I will.

This and so many other things is the way I feel. lol I struggle with longing for the 'perfect man' (I know that doesn't exist - lol) to being happy and content with my life as it is. I'm tired of the emotional roller coaster.