OK, i will go to the party and dress nicely and everything.
As for your thread, Scotty, it will keep my mind busy. So much to read. Thanks for it.
and yes, I will come here when I feel the need to confront him again. It's just that since I have not exposed the A, and do not know much about it, other than he is lying to me left and right, I feel a bit lost.
But really appreciate all the help I am getting here. Outsiders cannot really understand what is to go through this. They either think I am silly to be putting up with him, or something else that they would not tell.
Thanks all for your patience and attention.

Hi All, Happy Christmas!
I went to the party yesterday. WH was behaving affectionate and attentive. Compliments on how I looked. There were 2 couples, their kids and grandparents, very warm environment. I went to the bathroom to cry twice.
WH asked me if I had fun. I said it was sweet/sad to see the families in harmony, he said we are also happy and in love. Yes, and trusting also since you mention it!
Anyway, I am mostly nice to him, I am even cooking today, but cannot avoid little confrontations here and there. Only once I went to full scale again, but later recovered and was able to have a normal conversation.
The e-mails so far have not turned out anything, and he is home most of the time. If he leaves the house for anything, I will go to his computer now that I have the password for outlook.

You did great, my friend! Be strong and be like JAMES BOND!

Merry Christmas, Estrela. We will be here for you.

Thank you, Melody (really thank you).
He left to exercise for an hour, I went to his computer, checked all files, folders and deleted files. Could not find anything. Only the receipt for the opera, which I knew already. He is very quiet now, hanging out with me and the kids. Wants to make plans for a movie today. It really looks like whoever is raising his interest is not around. I will keep the snooping.What are the rules for SF (is this the acronym?) during this Phase? so far I cannot bear the thought of it, but this is one of his main EN...

She's probably spending the holiday with her family.

Knock his socks off, sister! I know it might be difficult, but go into it knowing that you are his wife and you want to enjoy this intimacy with him.

And please, please stop the blowouts and the crying. (I know, easy for me to say.)

You can do this, estrela!

Thanks, marital bliss!
I really need to get to his phone. I was thinking about it, and the whole thing might be going on on text only (a lot of people do not use e-mail anymore).
Other thing, I mentioned counseling for us, although I was reading other posts and they were not sure about it). He said ok, but he wanted to do it alone???!!!

cool! then hook him up with counseling with Steve Harley of Marriage Builders. he doesnt counsel couples together anyway and he is unlikely to let your H pull any crap.

I've been trying to Plan A. Most of the time was OK, some confrontation (light) from time to time.
Today it is all gone.
I was sitting next to his computer to get the phone, and saw an e-mail OW wrote. This OW plays tennis with him. I saw them playing once and asked him to stop playing with her or any other women, since recreational companionship should be with a spouse, and he told me he would.
I could not read the whole thing as WH noticed and came and deleted the e-mail. I wonder why I did not get this e-mail from e-blaster.
Anyway, the part I could read looked like she was finishing the relationship. She wrote something about self-destructive behavior. Then she said that his coat is at her house so he could pick it up.
I begged him to finally come clean. He said nothing was going on, they were playing tennis together, she has a boyfriend, and she has some psychological issues. BS. He kept saying nothing is going on, and I should stop spying on him.
He said he spent this whole week only with me and that there is no one else (thank you for the whole week out of your time).
The way the whole thing happened was impredictable to me, since I've been checking his e-mail and monitoring his phone when I can and found nothing. (I tried to snatch the phone twice when he was sleeping, but he wakes up so easily and I have to make up some excuse). So we had this confrontation and he again lied about everything.
Is this the end? Any hope left? He seems to be a compulsive cheater and liar. Is it worth to even try anything?

I think you can see he leads a secret second life and has been in this affair all along. The affair never ended.

It is another OW...

Oh, I see. a new one. So what is the plan? How many affairs will you put up with?

What does that mean? What should be my next step?

Expose, and then Plan B, with an option for Plan D after a while.

I think the time for Plan A is long gone.

OK, expose to his family, my family and our friends.
I will prepare a letter.
He is saying he is not leaving the house. How do I do plan B if he does not leave?

Get the evidence of an affair and contact an attorney to file for divorce. Like Scotty said, the time for Plan A is long gone. But I really think you need to hire a PI. A good PI can get everything you need very quickly.

Once you get the evidence and find out your legal rights, you can go to your husband and give him an ultimatum. He can come clean and radically change his sneaky second life or he can get out.

Your husband is not a safe person, estrela. He is sneaky and has probably had several affairs. If he won't change his life so radically that he CANNOT possibly have affairs, then you will never be safe with him.

Do you live in a fault or no-fault divorce state?

I think you can do no-fault after 18 months separation (NJ).
From what I saw of the e-mail, I won't be able to get any proofs since she was breaking up/ finishing the A.
He's been home a lot this week, so I think it is over (at least this last A).
I confronted him and said that if he does not come clean, I am leaving. Again he said nothing is going on, I am making a story and he is tired of that.
His new job is 50% international travel. He will start next week. He won't leave the job because of me, he's been unemployed for a while and this is a big opportunity (also a big opportunity for As).
I think he sees himself as too good for just one woman. He needs to share the joy. That's what I feel.

estrela, you have some hard decisions to make. I'm sorry. Because he isn't going to come clean. He will just keep on having affairs and sneaking around. And now with his traveling job he will be able to hide it better.

You could pack up his things and ask him to leave. That is what I did. And, he left.

It's sad that he would take a job over you.

I am so lost. Last time, I had a game plan. I know I did not affair-proof the marriage at the end (I thought it would be a one time episode, otherwise it would not be worth even staying). And I truly believed that after all we went through, nobody would want to go that route again. We went through counseling, Plan A, reconciliation.
Now I am lost. I called a lawyer last week, and he told me that parties need to be separated (living in different houses) to file divorce. So I need to think things through.
Get him out of the house will be a challenge. Maybe with outside pressure...
I fear this is just the beginning...